The 10 most attractive personality traits in a lover

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When it comes to finding a romantic partner, attraction goes far beyond physical appearance… 

In fact, personality traits play a significant role in determining whether or not someone catches our eye and keeps us interested!

After all, lovers tend to fall into that strange, gray area – more than friends but less than a committed relationship.

So, what are the most attractive personality traits in a lover? In this article, we’ll explore some of the most commonly cited traits that people find appealing in a romantic partner…

1) Kindness and empathy

Whether your lover is someone you’re spending time with mainly in the bedroom or someone you’re casually dating too, kindness and empathy are two incredibly important personality traits to look for.

Yes, even if your main focus right now is on how sexy they are or how well they “perform”, being a good person is a non-negotiable! 

Plus, even if it’s purely sexual, there are still emotions involved. People get attached and feelings do develop, no matter how much you try to avoid it. 

So, if your lover is kind and empathetic, chances are they’ll take care of your feelings rather than abuse them! 

But that’s not the only personality trait to look out for, equally important is having a:

2) Sense of humor

Let’s be real here when you take a lover, you’re looking for a good time. 

And why not? Life is to be enjoyed!

So getting together with someone who can take a joke, laugh at themselves, and doesn’t take life too seriously is a must! 

One of the qualities that attracted me to my partner the most when we were in our “lover” stage (that lasted 6 months!) was our ability to have a good old laugh, both in the sheets and out! 

Not only does this increase the connection you share, but laughing releases feel-good hormones. Combine that with good sex and you’re onto a winner! 

3) Interesting conversation

But what about when you’re not busy getting down and dirty…pillow talk is important too, right?

Absolutely. Another attractive personality trait in a lover is being able to hold interesting conversations

You see, attraction isn’t all about the physical. Many of us need some form of mental stimulation, especially if we’re to see someone more than once!

So, if your lover keeps you hanging on to their every word, keep those convos going and see where this leads, it could be magical! 

4) Confidence 

Now, when you think of your ideal lover, the word “confident” may not come to mind straight away, but deep down, most people find this trait incredibly attractive! 

That’s because someone who has confidence and self-assurance has a certain aura about them…they come across as powerful, and secure; they know what they want. 

In other words, confidence is extremely sexy!

I hate to say it, but 50 Shades of Grey is a brilliant example…the confident Mr. Christian Grey turned on women in the millions around the world with his dominance and passion. 

And the same goes for men – even if they don’t realize it, a strong, self-assured woman is the ultimate arousal! 

5) Passion and ambition

It probably doesn’t come as a surprise that passion made the list, but truth be told, it’s super attractive to have a lover who brings excitement and heat into the mix.

We all want to feel wanted. We want our lovers or partners to crave and desire us. 

So, if you’ve found that in a lover, good for you! Enjoy being enjoyed. 

But what about ambition? How is that attractive in a lover?

Well, the ambitious lover will actively seek out ways to make your time together better. They aren’t the type to find the g-spot and stop there…oh no, they want to take you to new heights of pleasure! 

I mean, isn’t that the whole point of having a lover in the first place?!

6) Honesty 

Okay, let’s get our feet back on the ground with this next point…

Yes, passion and ambition are important, but so is honesty and being able to trust the person you’re being so intimate with.


Well, there may be times you feel uncomfortable, or wish to skip sex and get straight to pillow talk or even sleep. 

When this happens, you need to be able to communicate with your lover. You need to be able to trust them to be understanding and empathetic.

Equally, from a sexual point of view, if you want to push the boundaries and experiment, you should both be able to share your views/desires/feedback honestly, without facing anger or upset! 

Remember this:

The best lovers are the ones who can communicate effectively and be honest about everything with each other! 

7) Open-mindedness and willingness to try new things

Following on from the last point, another attractive personality trait in a lover is being open to trying new things

Whether that may be funky positions you found on a Karma Sutra website, or opting for a cuisine they’ve never tried when ordering a post-sex takeaway, being willing to venture into the unknown is incredibly important! 

Put it this way…

You’re both exploring together. If you’re both open to pushing the boat and experimenting with new things, you’ll likely increase the connection you share…

Which in turn will increase the chemistry between you!

8) Shared interests

And the more you experiment together, the more you’ll find things you have in common!

Because let’s be honest, sex is great and all, but at some point, you’ve gotta talk about something…anything…even if it’s work or the weather.

So, wouldn’t it be much more exciting and fun if you have shared interests?

When my partner was still just my lover, we’d spend hours hanging out and playing each other our favorite songs. Luckily, we have similar tastes in music, so it was a real bonding experience for us.

9) Generosity 

Now, when looking for the most attractive personality trait in a lover, being able to GIVE is just as important as being able to receive…

A good lover is a generous lover…in so many ways!

It’s important that both of you feel satisfied and like the other person is making as much effort to give pleasure as they are to receive it.

And when you find someone capable of this, it’s incredibly attractive because it shows their desire for you – they just want to see you happy and satisfied! 

10) Present in the moment 

Hmmm…being present in the moment doesn’t exactly scream attractive. Or does it?

Well, let me play out a scenario for you…Which lover sounds more appealing?

Lover A: Super sexy, a body to die for. Checks their emails the moment they roll over after they orgasm. 

Lover B: Also super sexy with a body to die for. Keeps their phone on silent whenever you’re together and gives you their full, undivided attention. 

I think we all know which is the correct answer!

So, if you have a lover who can stay present in the moment, you’ve found a keeper!

Someone who switches off from the outside world, can shut work out and turn off their notifications, is showing that they’re truly focussed on YOU.

And if that isn’t attractive, I don’t know what is! 

Kiran Athar

Kiran is a freelance writer with a degree in multimedia journalism. She enjoys exploring spirituality, psychology, and love in her writing. As she continues blazing ahead on her journey of self-discovery, she hopes to help her readers do the same. She thrives on building a sense of community and bridging the gaps between people. You can reach out to Kiran on Twitter: @KiranAthar1

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