Jelena Dincic
Being in a relationship can be a wonderful thing, especially when it feels like you’ve met your soulmate.
That being said, I think it’s extremely important not to lose yourself or become too reliant on your partner – remember to stay independent.
But wait, there’s a catch!
There’s such a thing as being, “too independent”.
You see, when it comes to romantic relationships, independence can sometimes become a double-edged sword.
That’s because independent people are so used to dealing with everything by themselves, they often forget that a healthy relationship is a partnership.
If you think you may be too independent yourself, this article is for you.
From making decisions by themselves to being inconsiderate, here are 7 mistakes that highly independent people make in their relationships.
Let’s jump right in:
1) They forget to make joint decisions
One of the most common mistakes that highly independent people make is that they forget to consult their significant other when it comes to making decisions.
Does that sound familiar?
Now, I’m not saying you need to ask your partner’s permission before you do anything, but it’s only right that you get their input, especially when it comes to stuff that concerns them.
The type of joint decisions you should make all depend on how long you’ve been dating and the dynamics of your relationship.
From small things like asking them, “What do you feel like having for dinner?” to big things such as, “How do you feel about me applying to a job in another country?” – don’t forget to involve your partner in the decision making.
Otherwise, you risk making them feel insignificant.
2) They insist on having things their way
Did you know that failure to compromise can be detrimental to a relationship?
It’s true.
The thing is that independent people are used to having things their way and when it comes to relationships, things can get a bit… tricky.
I mean, you can do what you want when you want, and how you want when you’re single, but when you’re in a relationship, that’s a big “NO-NO”.
For example, if two people in a relationship can’t agree on what film to watch – they have three options:
- They decide that one of them will choose tonight’s movie and the other one tomorrow’s.
- They decide to pick a movie they both want to watch.
- Or, they each watch the movie of their choosing – separately! Long-term, that’s not so great for a relationship.
Highly independent people don’t always like to (or know how to) compromise and that can lead to a lot of tension and conflicts.
That’s why if you’re highly independent yourself, you need to learn to compromise – so you can have a happy and harmonious relationship.
Basically, when two people want different things, they either learn to find a middle ground or end up parting ways.
3) They’re not used to asking for help
A lot of the time highly independent people are that way because they have to be.
It’s possible that they’ve had a hard time of it and that when they needed someone the most – there was nobody there for them.
They’ve learned that the only person they can rely on is themselves.
Or maybe they’ve been taught that asking for help is a weakness.
Either way, they’re just not used to asking other people for help.
While being independent and self-reliant is admirable, when taken to an extreme, it results in an unwillingness to ask for help when needed.
And guess what – that’s no way to get close to someone.
A healthy relationship is about trust, teamwork, and being there for one another.
So, don’t push your partner away. If you need help, ask for it. Let them be there for you like you’re there for them.
4) They expect their partner to be just as independent
Here’s the thing, a lot of the time, independent people expect everyone to be as independent as they are – their friends, family, and romantic partners.
But that’s a lot to ask of someone.
Remember that we’re all different – shaped by different life experiences – some of us are more independent, others less.
Your partner is human, just like you.
Your expectations should be fair and realistic, not weighing the relationship down.
Got it?
5) They tend to hide their emotions
- “I don’t need anybody.”
- “I can do things myself.”
- “No one will ever understand.”
Do these sound familiar?
As I mentioned before, independence is sometimes a byproduct of challenging experiences.
If you’ve been hurt one too many times, it’s no surprise you have a hard time opening up.
And just like your inability to ask for help, being highly independent often means being afraid to be vulnerable.
The problem is that bottling up your emotions could result in a lot of misunderstandings, resentment, and worse still, create a distance between you and the person you love.
Try to think of vulnerability as the secret ingredient in a recipe for a deep, meaningful connection.
In other words, sharing your thoughts, feelings, and fears can strengthen your bond.
6) They don’t include their partner in their activities
The truth is that you can’t keep acting like a bachelor/ette when you’re in a relationship.
What do I mean by that?
I mean you can’t just be hanging out with your friends and pursuing your hobbies like before, you’re no longer alone.
You see, highly independent people tend to prioritize their personal pursuits at the expense of quality time with their partners. A common mistake.
That’s why it’s important to find a good balance between being independent and making time for your partner and shared experiences.
Neglecting the relationship can lead to loneliness and dissatisfaction in the other person.
7) They can be inconsiderate
Turns out that sometimes, independent people forget to think about the feelings and needs of others.
They’re so used to being self-reliant and keeping their feelings to themselves that they forget to think about how their romantic partner may be feeling.
What’s more, because they’re so used to focusing on their wants and needs and pursuing their goals, it doesn’t occur to them that the person they’re in a relationship with has their own desires.
Look, I know that we’re the heroes of our own stories, but relationships have a dual-hero dynamic.
You can’t have a Romeo without a Juliet, right?
So if you’re a highly independent person in a relationship, remember that your partner has their own feelings and needs.
Don’t be inconsiderate, learn to listen and be attentive, or risk ending up alone.
Final thoughts
In the end, if you’re a highly independent person who wants to make your relationship work out, the key is to find balance – balance between independence and togetherness.
Keep the lines of communication open with your partner, compromise, and adapt.
Sure you’re bound to make mistakes along the way, we all do, but with patience, love, and a commitment to personal growth, your relationship is sure to thrive.
