Men who secretly want to control and dominate others often display these 9 charming behaviors

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Charming behaviors can sometimes mask a hidden agenda to manipulate and dominate.

In this territory, it’s all about subtlety. Men who secretly want to control often use their charm as a cloak, hiding their true intentions.

And let me tell you, these men are smart.

They know exactly what behaviors will make them seem attractive, all while steering the situation to their advantage.

In this article, we’ll unveil the 9 charming behaviors often displayed by men who secretly wish to control and dominate others.

Stay tuned.

1) They’re always the perfect gentleman

In the world of manipulative charm, appearances are everything.

Men who aim to control and dominate often present themselves as the ultimate gentlemen. They’re polite, they’re courteous, and they always seem to know exactly what to say.

It’s a clever disguise.

By embodying the perfect gentleman persona, these men create an image of respectability and trustworthiness.

But that’s only a tactic designed to disarm you, to make you feel comfortable and safe.

It’s important to remember, that just because someone exhibits gentlemanly behavior doesn’t necessarily mean they have your best interests at heart.

This surface charm is often a smokescreen for their desire to control. 

Always pay attention to your instincts. If something feels off despite the charm, there might be more going on beneath the surface.

2) They have a knack for making you feel special

Who doesn’t like to feel special, right?

I remember once dating a guy who seemed too good to be true. He was always showering me with compliments and making me feel like the center of his universe.

He had this incredible ability to make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the room and he’d always tell me how lucky he was to have me in his life.

Let’s be honest, it felt amazing, but over time, I noticed a pattern.

Every time I disagreed with him or challenged his views, the compliments would flow more freely. It was as if he was using them as a tool to steer my thoughts and opinions.

I later realized he was subtly manipulating me to control the dynamics of our relationship. His charm wasn’t genuine but a cleverly disguised form of control.

3) They’re masters of conversation

Ever noticed how some people can steer a conversation exactly where they want it to go? That’s not by chance.

Men who seek to control and dominate others often possess exceptional conversational skills. They know precisely when to listen, when to ask questions, and when to share insights.

Consider this: a study found that individuals who can change their style of speech, or code-switch, are more successful at influencing others.

These men use this ability to guide discussions in their favor. They subtly shape the conversation to make you see things from their viewpoint, all while maintaining the illusion of an equal exchange.

It’s a powerful tactic, but understanding it can help you spot when it’s being used against you.

4) They always seem to have the answers

Have you ever met someone who always seems to have all the answers?

It’s a trait that can be quite impressive, but it’s also a potential red flag.

These types of men often present themselves as the ultimate problem-solvers.

They’re typically:

  • Well-read
  • Well-informed
  • Quick thinkers

They use this knowledge to create a sense of dependency. By always having the answers, they position themselves as an indispensable resource.

The goal? To make you feel like you need them, making it easier for them to exert control.

5) They’re experts at playing the victim

It’s a bit paradoxical, isn’t it?

Often these individuals portray themselves as the victim.

This is a classic manipulation tactic known as playing the victim card. They use it to invoke sympathy and guilt in others, making it easier for them to get what they want.

For instance, they might share stories about how they’ve been wronged in the past, or how they’ve suffered unimaginable hardships. It’s all an attempt to make you feel sorry for them.

But don’t be fooled. While anyone can face hardships, using these experiences to manipulate others is unfair and dishonest.

Remember, genuine vulnerability is about sharing and connection, not manipulation and control.

6) They’re subtly critical

Hidden within their charm, men who secretly want to control and dominate often employ a subtle form of criticism.

They might compliment you one moment, then make a veiled critical comment the next. It’s so subtle, that you may not even notice it at first.

But over time, these criticisms can chip away at your self-esteem and confidence.

Perhaps it’s a remark about your appearance, your friends, or even your dreams.

It’s as if they’re saying, “You’re good, but not quite good enough.”

This is heartbreaking because it’s designed to make you doubt yourself and your worth. And once they’ve planted that seed of doubt, it becomes easier for them to control and influence you.

Remember, you are enough just as you are. No one should ever make you feel otherwise.

7) They’re always there, but not always for you

It’s one thing to be present, it’s another to be intrusive.

There was a time when I had a friend who was always around. At first, it felt reassuring. He was there whenever I needed someone to talk to, always ready to lend a listening ear.

As I got to know him better, I realized his presence wasn’t about supporting me; it was about control. He wanted to know everything about my life. Who I was with, where I was going, what I was doing – he needed to be in the loop about everything.

Here; ‘s the thing, his constant presence started to feel suffocating rather than supportive. It was his way of keeping tabs on me, controlling my actions under the guise of friendship.

8) They’re generous but with strings attached

Generosity can be a beautiful quality. However, when used as a tool for control, it’s anything but.

Men who want to control and dominate often use gifts and favors to create a sense of obligation. They’re generous, but their generosity comes with strings attached.

They might offer help when you’re in need, give lavish gifts, or go out of their way to do you a favor. But later, they’ll remind you of their kindness and expect something in return.

Well, sorry to break the news: This is not real generosity; it’s a manipulation tactic. Real kindness is selfless and expects nothing in return.

9) They isolate you from others

This is perhaps the most dangerous behavior of all. Men who want to control and dominate often try to isolate you from your support network.

Wondering how?

They might subtly criticize your friends or family, or create situations that make it difficult for you to spend time with them.

The goal is to make you feel alone and dependent on them for social interaction and support.

Ultimately, a genuine relationship encourages you to maintain your other relationships. Anyone who tries to isolate you is not looking out for your best interests.

Final thoughts

The struggle for power and control is as old as humanity itself. It’s deeply embedded in our social fabric, our history, and sometimes, in our relationships.

Understanding the subtle signs of control can be a powerful tool for self-protection and empowerment.

Knowing these charming behaviors that mask a desire for dominance can help us navigate our relationships more effectively.

Put simply, true power lies in mutual respect and equality, not in control and dominance.

As we journey through life’s complex web of relationships, let’s strive for balance, understanding, and above all, respect for each other’s autonomy.

Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham, based in Auckland, writes about the psychology behind everyday decisions and life choices. His perspective is grounded in the belief that understanding oneself is the key to better decision-making. Lucas’s articles are a mix of personal anecdotes and observations, offering readers relatable and down-to-earth advice.

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