Men who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t usually display these 10 subtle behaviors

There’s a fine line between being genuinely nice and merely putting on a show.

The distinction lies in authenticity. Men who pretend to be nice often have hidden motives, which they mask with a facade of kindness.

However, there are subtle behaviors these men often display that can give away their true intentions. They’re not always easy to spot, but once you’re aware of them, you’ll be better equipped to discern the genuine from the counterfeit.

Below, we’ll unveil 10 behaviors typically exhibited by men who only seem to be nice on the surface. 

Let’s get started.

1) Overly agreeable

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being agreeable. In fact, it’s often a trait that we appreciate in our friends and partners.

However, men who pretend to be nice can take this to an extreme. Their agreeability often doesn’t come from a place of genuine understanding or compassion. Instead, it’s more like a mask they wear to seem charming and easy-going.

It’s a tricky one to spot, because who doesn’t like a guy who agrees with them? But when someone is always agreeing with you, never challenging your views or providing their own perspective, it can be a subtle sign that they are trying to manipulate your perception of them.

This isn’t about encouraging conflict or disagreement for the sake of it. It’s about recognising that healthy relationships involve a balance of agreement and respectful challenge. And if someone is constantly agreeable, it might be worth questioning their motives.

2) They’re always playing the victim

This is something I’ve personally experienced. There was this guy I knew, let’s call him Mark. Mark would always make himself out to be the victim, no matter what the situation was.

If there was a disagreement, he would somehow twist the narrative to make it seem like he was the one being wronged. If he made a mistake, he’d quickly deflect blame onto someone or something else. It was as if he could never do any wrong.

At first, I felt sympathetic towards Mark. I mean, it seemed like he just had a streak of bad luck. But over time, I began to see a pattern. It’s as if Mark was using his ‘victim status’ to shield himself from criticism and manipulate my perception of him.

It’s important to remember that everyone goes through tough times and it’s okay to express your hardships. However, if someone is constantly playing the victim, it might be a sign they’re not as nice as they present themselves to be.

3) They’re quick to make promises

Men pretending to be nice often have a knack for making lofty promises. They assure you they’ll be there for you, that they’ll always support you, or that they’ll do something extraordinary just for you. It sounds impressive and comforting, doesn’t it?

However, research in the field of social psychology suggests that people who make excessive promises are more likely to break them. This is not to say that every promise maker is a promise breaker, but that making too many promises can lead to an overload of commitments that they can’t keep up with.

So when a man showers you with promises, especially early on, it could be a subtle sign of manipulation rather than genuine care or commitment.

4) They rarely show vulnerability

Authenticity often comes with a degree of vulnerability. It’s about showing your true self, complete with flaws and insecurities.

However, men who pretend to be nice often avoid showing any signs of vulnerability. They aim to present a perfect image, one that’s free from any weaknesses or shortcomings.

This can create a sense of distance and inauthenticity in your interactions with them. If they’re always putting on a brave face and never letting their guard down, it might be because they’re hiding something or trying to manipulate how you see them.

Remember, it’s okay to have flaws and it’s human to show vulnerability. If someone never does, it could be a red flag.

5) They’re excessively charming

Charm can be a wonderful trait, when it’s genuine. However, men who pretend to be nice often use charm as a tool for manipulation.

They may shower you with compliments, flattery and attention. They could be the most captivating person in the room, winning over everyone with their wit and charisma.

But beneath this charming exterior, there may be ulterior motives. They might be using their charm to build trust and create a positive impression of themselves that masks their true intentions.

So while it’s great to enjoy someone’s company and be swept off your feet by their charm, it’s also important to stay alert for signs of manipulation. Remember, true charm comes from the heart and isn’t used as a means to an end.

6) They seldom express genuine empathy

Empathy, the ability to truly understand and share the feelings of others, is a key trait of genuinely nice people. When someone shows you empathy, it can warm your heart and make you feel seen and understood.

But with men who pretend to be nice, their expressions of empathy may often feel hollow or insincere. You might find that their responses to your feelings or experiences lack depth or understanding.

They might offer a quick “I’m sorry to hear that” or “That must be tough” without really engaging with the emotion behind your words. This lack of genuine empathy can leave you feeling unheard and invalidated.

Remember, a truly nice person will take the time to listen and empathize with your experiences, making you feel valued and appreciated.

7) They’re inconsistent with their actions

Inconsistency can be a telling sign. I once knew a guy who was all smiles and kindness in public, but behind closed doors, he was a completely different person. He would often act dismissive and cold.

This inconsistency between his public persona and private behavior was a clear sign that his niceness was more of a performance than genuine character. Genuine people act consistently, no matter who’s watching or what the situation is.

So, if you notice a man’s behavior fluctuating based on the circumstance or audience, it might be a subtle indication that his niceness isn’t as genuine as it appears to be.

8) They’re overly generous

Generosity is typically seen as a virtue and a sign of a kind-hearted person. However, in some cases, excessive generosity can be a red flag.

Men who pretend to be nice might use generous acts to garner approval or admiration. They might offer extravagant gifts, insist on paying for everything or do grand gestures to appear altruistic.

But if the generosity feels forced, or if it’s always followed by an expectation of something in return, it could be a sign that their kindness isn’t genuine.

Remember, true generosity comes from a place of selflessness and doesn’t come with an underlying expectation of reciprocity.

9) They avoid taking responsibility

We all make mistakes, it’s part of being human. But the way we handle those mistakes is what truly defines us.

Men who pretend to be nice often shy away from taking responsibility for their actions. They might blame others, make excuses or simply brush off their mistakes without really acknowledging them.

This inability to accept responsibility can be a subtle sign of their true character. Genuine people are able to admit when they’re wrong, apologize sincerely, and take steps to make things right.

So if you notice a man consistently avoiding taking responsibility for his actions, it might be an indication that his niceness is just a facade.

10) They lack respect for boundaries

At the end of the day, respect is fundamental.
Men who pretend to be nice often have little respect for personal boundaries. They might insist on getting too close too quickly, disregard your comfort zone, or continually push your limits even after you’ve expressed discomfort.

This disregard for boundaries is a clear sign that they value their own desires over your comfort and security. A man who truly respects you will respect your boundaries, without exceptions.

Remember, no matter how ‘nice’ someone seems, if they can’t respect your boundaries, they aren’t as nice as they appear to be.