Alexandra Plesa
Ever been pursued by a man and eventually gave in, only for him to move on way sooner than expected?
You’re not alone.
For some guys, the pursuit is more enticing than the actual connection.
Them losing interest after you get together has little to do with you, and lots to do with their inner landscape.
Men who enjoy the chase more than the relationship tend to possess these 9 personality traits.
There’s nothing you could have done to keep him around longer.
1) Impulsivity
Men who love the chase act on their desires without considering the consequences.
They’re impulsive, so they pursue romantic interests without evaluating their compatibility or the potential long-term implications.
If they see someone who catches their eye, they immediately pursue them, regardless of how different to them they might be.
These men love the rush, so they might engage in risky behaviors in other areas of their lives, too.
They might also pursue multiple potential partners at the same time and engage in infidelity if they manage to hold on to a relationship.
All in all, they prioritize immediate excitement over delayed gratification.
Not an ideal boo after all.
2) Charm
If you’ve been with a guy who loves the chase, his charm was probably what won you over.
He was witty and confident, he excelled at flirting, and he had an appealing personality.
Alluring, yet ultimately unreliable.
Conquest seekers are all about winning you over, so they’ve had enough practice to develop a captivating persona.
I’m not saying they’re putting up a front. Indeed, they are funny, or sexy, or insert whatever other adjective you want here.
Problem is, you weren’t the single one who fell for his magnetism.
And once the thrill of winning you over wore off, he had a contacts list brimming with other potential conquests to dazzle.
3) Short attention span
If a man ditches you just as things seem to progress in the right direction, he may have a short attention span.
He is attracted by novelty and excitement, but he needs constant stimulation to stay engaged.
When a relationship evolves from the initial infatuation phase, he loses interest, typically chasing a new high to keep him preoccupied.
At any time during the courtship, did he:
- Struggle to maintain consistent communication with you?
- Experienced difficulty listening to you for long periods of time?
- Got bored if you did a single activity on dates?
- Seemed distracted at the weirdest times?
I rest my case.
4) Need for external validation
Men who are more fascinated by the pursuit of romance than by building a deep relationship often depend on external validation to bolster their self-esteem.
They crave the attention and admiration of others to feel good about themselves.
For them, “getting the girl” proves they are charming, witty, or better than other contenders out there.
But once they have the girl, the challenge is over. There’s only so much validation one person can provide.
They become trapped in a cycle of seeking validation through superficial means, unable to find genuine satisfaction.
And it’s likely because of the next point on the list.
5) Low self-esteem
People who need a lot of external validation typically have low self-esteem.
If a guy loves the chase but can’t commit to anyone, it might be because his confidence isn’t all that great.
He puts up a good front. Deep down, however, he doesn’t feel like he has what it takes to keep a relationship going beyond the initial spark.
The pursuit of new romantic partners allows him to temporarily escape his insecurities and reaffirm his desirability through external validation.
However, when faced with the prospect of commitment, his doubts resurface, causing him to hesitate or bail.
He prefers to return to the familiar territory of the chase, where he feels more in control.
6) Desire for control
Speaking of control, men who enjoy the case more than the relationship may have some controlling tendencies.
They have a strong desire to know where things are going, even within romantic interactions.
That’s why they revel in the pursuit. It allows them to woo women and take charge of how fast the relationship is moving.
When this desire for control is harmless to others, the guy gets scared if faced with commitment, because you can rarely predict how a relationship with unfold.
When this desire for control is dangerous, the guy might impose rigid standards on their partner, expecting her to comply with what he wants with little regard for her needs or autonomy.
That rarely ends well.
7) Fear of intimacy
Men who derive more pleasure from the chase may harbor a fear of intimacy.
This fear can stem from various sources, including bad past experiences or internalized beliefs.
Whatever the cause, it profoundly impacts their approach to romance.
They enjoy connecting with potential partners. But once the relationship broaches into serious territory, the thought of building intimacy scares them off.
See, intimacy means opening yourself up to another person.
Sharing your thoughts, feelings, insecurities, fears.
Allowing yourself to be seen and accepted for who you truly are, shortcomings included.
For men who fear intimacy, the prospect of being this vulnerable with another person is daunting.
They may doubt that they’re worthy of love or be afraid their partners will reject them when they reveal a minor imperfection.
In their eyes, surface-level connections are on the safer side.
8) Fear of commitment
Another reason why a man enjoys the chase more than the relationship?
He’s deeply scared of commitment.
Fearing the loss of his independence keeps him from getting too close to someone else.
Commitment inherently involves a level of sacrifice and compromise.
Once you get into a relationship with someone you love, you no longer think solely about yourself.
You have to consider another person whenever you make a decision.
Not only that but there’s someone who relies on you for a whole bunch of things including support and validation.
If a man fears commitment, this entire scenario can feel suffocating.
Instead of focusing on the rewards a fulfilling relationship brings, he only sees the potential downsides.
He’s out the door before the honeymoon phase is even over.
9) Idealism
If a guy seems to enjoy the chase more than the relationship, he might be a hopeless romantic.
It sounds odd, but hear me out.
As a hopeless romantic myself, I’ll be the first to admit that we have high and maybe delusional ideals about love and relationships.
I don’t believe in soulmates, but I do believe there are people out there you are meant to connect with.
And when I meet someone who has potential, I construct this entire fairytale romance in my mind.
Needless to say, the real thing usually pales in comparison.
Real relationships are surprising and complex and messy and nuanced and boring sometimes.
They’re flawed, which is exactly what makes them beautiful.
Still, it took me a while to realize that.
Before this epiphany, I rejected guys who were perfectly nice but failed to live up to my unrealistic expectations.
Maybe some men who prefer the chase over the relationship have a similar problem.
The reality of being with someone doesn’t match up with the fantasy they’ve built up in their head.
Bottom line
While the thrill of the chase can be intoxicating, prioritizing it comes at the expense of forming deeper connections.
If you’ve dated a few guys who bailed as soon as things got serious, don’t beat yourself up.
They likely weren’t ready to handle the dynamics of a serious relationship.
The loss was theirs.
Obviously.
