Lucas Graham
As someone who has been in his fair share of toxic relationships, I know that leaving one is no walk in the park.
The human mind is a peculiar thing.
We get so attached and dependent on someone or something, that we end up clinging to it, despite knowing full well it isn’t healthy or good for us.
So while making the leap and breaking free might sound easy, it takes tremendous mental and emotional strength.
Some may never even make it out, remaining unhappy indefinitely. Sad.
In this article, I’ll walk you through the qualities of men who break free from toxic qualities.
Once you get a clearer idea of things, you can start cultivating change.
Let’s get to it!
1) They have self-respect
In a toxic relationship, sometimes we end up losing self-respect.
We get so caught up in hostility, drama, and deep, contradictory feelings, that our self-worth which may have once been prominent, gradually takes a backseat.
This is one of the reasons many of us find it difficult to leave: we forget about what self-respect means almost entirely.
Once you clear your head of toxic, overwhelming emotion, your self-respect will slowly come creeping back.
Some men won’t even let it get to this point though.
Soon after they spot a few red flags or unhealthy behaviors in their partner, they either vigorously try to fix things or walk out the door.
A strong sense of self-worth and respect is critical for dealing with toxic relationships, allowing men to fully realize that they deserve better than negativity and abuse.
2) They’re courageous
When I’d vent to friends about my relationship struggles, they’d respond by saying things like “Just leave then!”
If only it was that simple and easy.
Leaving any kind of relationship (even a toxic one) requires a degree of courage.
It’s human nature to find the unknown pretty scary.
Voluntarily losing someone you were attached to emotionally is tough, regardless of the circumstances.
The prospect of spending your days in isolation longing for someone once so close to you can be incredibly daunting.
Hence, choosing to break free is no joke.
It takes plenty of courage and mental and emotional resilience. Speaking of which…
3) They’re resilient
Some men are so fearful of getting down and depressed by heartbreak that they’ll avoid it altogether…
Even when this avoidance comes at their own expense.
We’re all built differently.
Naturally resilient men have a far better chance of recovering faster after a breakup than the rest, and they know it.
This is because they have the almost built-in level of strength and tenacity to bounce back from the ups and crushing downs of ending a relationship.
Sure, they’ll have their bad, darker days. Everybody does.
But they won’t let that sorrow define them permanently.
4) They’re self-aware
Some men don’t know what they want in life.
Maybe because everyone is in a relationship and settling down, they’ll do the same–not fully cognizant of the fact that they aren’t completely happy or satisfied.
Similarly, when you’re in too deep, you tend to lose objectivity.
This can mean staying in an unhappy, toxic relationship without even fully realizing it.
The self-aware man has a firm knowledge of his needs, desires, flaws, and strengths in life.
He has enough emotional intelligence to understand what he truly wants out of relationships; and if his reality doesn’t consistently align with those desires, he won’t often hesitate to walk away.
5) They’re independent
Not everyone can be alone and be cool with it; something particularly true once you’re used to being in a long-term, co-dependent relationship.
Men who have a natural inclination towards being independent have a better chance of breaking free from toxic relationships.
They value their solitude and their autonomy as men, and when the inevitable sorrow of the healing process fades, they revert to their independent ways once again.
There may be an adjustment period but at the end of the day, they can take care of themselves, not having to rely on anyone else, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc.
6) They’re assertive
Some men get so used to the status quo that they lack the motivation and drive to change things up, even when it is detrimental to them and their health.
I think we all know a few men like this.
They’ll passively wait around for something special to come their way, without truly making a real effort.
The latter is something very applicable to toxic relationships.
Men will be unhappy but rather than take action, they’ll just let things be.
Assertive men can break free from harmful situations; they’re able to express their feelings and assert their rights.
When their boundaries are crossed, they won’t simply just “let it slide,” they’ll put their foot down.
It’s no surprise that assertive men tend to get what they want in life.
7) They’re patient
Many men who stay in toxic relationships are sometimes simply delaying the inevitable.
They don’t want to deal with the baggage and sorrow that always comes after a major heartbreak.
They don’t want to have to go through stages of grief; they’re not up to that type of challenge and have little patience for it.
Men who break free from toxic relationships are often more patient than most.
They tend to be more accepting that healing takes time; and that good things like recovery and personal growth don’t typically happen overnight.
8) They have self-compassion
One of the main reasons I stayed in my long-term toxic relationship was because deep down, I felt guilty.
I said and did some things at the beginning of our relationship that my girlfriend at the time used against me for years.
And with me being incredibly susceptible to guilt, it worked.
I would feel like a horrible person, and mentally, I put her on a moral high horse.
I had no self-compassion, no urge or drive to forgive myself and move on. I blamed myself for our shortcomings as a couple.
So I kept the status quo, even though I knew at the back of my head that what I was doing wasn’t sustainable.
Thankfully, I eventually learned what it truly meant to be self-compassionate, to let go of my past, and to move forward stronger.
And ever since I made those revelations, I haven’t looked back.
Final words
Men who embrace change rather than fear it tend to do better at leaving bad relationships.
Despite difficult circumstances, they find a way to stay optimistic.
Rather than looking at the breakup as something to dread, they try their best to view it as the start of a new, exciting chapter of life.
So in many ways, it’s not the end for them, but a beginning.
