Paul Brian
Nobody I know is 100% happy, but some are certainly happier than others.
When it comes to men in particular, there’s a tendency to downplay unhappiness and project a brave exterior to the world.
But if you know where to look, the telltale signs and behaviors of unhappiness are there to see.
Let’s take a look at the signs a man displays (often without even realizing it) that show he’s not doing too well.
1) Overly judgmental of other people
There’s a time and a place for judgment, but guys who are overly judgmental are usually miserable on a deeper level.
Unhappy men may frequently criticize or nitpick others’ actions or behaviors as a way to deflect attention from their own unhappiness or insecurities.
Whether they’re aware of it or not, they’re trying to deconstruct and disapprove of other people in order to feel better about themselves.
2) An obsession with what others have
Unhappy men often habitually compare themselves to others.
As much as they’re judgmental and critical of others, they may also focus on certain people who have “more” and how unfair it is.
They express envy and disapproval of those people for getting better luck than them, finding love or having career success.
They can’t seem to stop talking about what others have and focusing on those they feel are doing unfairly well.
This relates directly to the next unhappy guy behavior:
3) Subconscious competitiveness
Unhappy men often engage in subtle forms of one-upmanship or competition in everyday conversations or activities.
It’s as if every little thing is some kind of competition or proof that they are smarter, better and happier than other people.
They do this to try to validate their self-worth or compensate for feelings of inadequacy.
But that inner doubt persists, leading to this behavior tending to intensify and also drive other people away.
4) Perfectionism and self-criticism
Unhappy men often set unrealistically high standards for themselves and others.
They try to make sure everything is perfect and they are extremely demanding.
However, instead of leading to better outcomes, this obsessive mentality tends to breed disappointment and further repressed feelings of unhappiness.
Indeed, this perfectionist tendency tends to lead to chronic feelings of failure or disappointment when those standards are not met.
5) Martyr complex or savior complex
Unhappy men frequently adopt a martyr-like mentality or a savior-like mentality.
These are two sides of the same coin and spring from a low sense of self-worth:
In the martyr complex they consistently putting others’ needs before their own, and sacrificing their own well-being in a cycle of disempowerment.
In the savior complex they consistently try to “save” or “fix” others even when it’s out of their control, leading to sacrificing their own well-being and tying their happiness to things outside their control.
6) Emotionally wooden or withdrawn
Unhappy men often become emotionally wooden and withdrawn without even realizing it.
It’s like they hit an off switch on their heart somewhere: they unconsciously withdraw emotionally from their relationships or social interactions and seem sort of emotionless.
They also tend to avoid deep conversations or intimacy as a means of self-protection or fear of vulnerability.
They claim they’re doing “fine,” but behind their answer is a kind of detached lack of feeling.
7) Self-paralysis through indecisiveness
Unhappy men often have a lot of trouble making decisions and committing to a long-term goal.
They can’t decide what they really want in life and so they often end up chasing their tail, taking one bad job after another, or going through a chain of depressing breakups.
They can’t seem to break out of the pattern or decide on a new direction, and although they brush it off as no big deal or just the way life goes, it’s clear life isn’t working out very well for them.
This ties into the next point:
8) Impulsive or erratic behavior
Unhappy men often engage in impulsive behaviors such as overspending, reckless driving, or risky sexual encounters.
They have trouble making long-term decisions or feeling a sense of deeper value within themselves, so they seek temporary excitement and distraction from their inner turmoil.
This impulsive behavior can take many forms, and they often exhibit wild mood swings as well:
It’s like they’re a ship with no anchor, restlessly blowing around with no real destination in mind.
This leads to the next behavior that unhappy guys often engage in:
9) Escapism and addictive behaviors
Unhappy men often engage in excessive escapism through activities such as gaming, binge-watching TV shows, or substance abuse.
They may also get addicted to sex, work, pornography or gambling.
They use these distractions as a temporary relief from their underlying dissatisfaction with life, seeking a high to calm their mind from the inner dissatisfaction.
As mentioned, work is one of the areas where unhappy men can seek an escape. Which brings me to the next point:
10) Workaholic tendencies
Unhappy men have a tendency to immerse themselves excessively in their work or career pursuits.
They use professional success as a primary source of validation or distraction from personal dissatisfaction.
This is quite different than a man who is simply highly committed to his work or passionate about it, which is a healthy and happy behavior.
By contrast, this guy is clinging to work as a distraction and the whole source of his identity rather than as one element of his life that he cares about.
11) Micro-aggressive style of communication
Unhappy men often unknowingly employ passive-aggressive or subtly undermining communication styles.
They talk with sarcasm or backhanded compliments almost without realizing it.
If somebody becomes annoyed or points it out, they shrug and claim ignorance of what the problem is:
This is often because they don’t even realize they’re speaking disrespectfully and sarcastically.
12) Avoiding introspection and self-reflection
Unhappy men might avoid introspection or confronting their emotions by keeping themselves constantly busy or distracted, preventing them from addressing the root causes of their unhappiness.
13) Seeking external approval
Men who aren’t doing very well will sometimes seek external approval and validation even without realizing it.
Common ways they do this is by seeking recognition of their achievements externally, and by following trends.
They try to fit into what seems popular and “win” at life to fill that empty feeling inside that’s telling them they’re a failure.
14) Physical symptoms of unhappiness
Unhappy men often experience physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, or digestive issues.
These can be manifestations of underlying psychological distress or unresolved emotional issues.
When they’re invited out they tend to decline and stick to themselves. They feel tired or burnt out, and aren’t sure why.
In many cases the underlying reason why is that they’re just not that happy and it’s bubbling up from inside to sabotage their physical vitality and health.
15) No real plan for the future
Unhappy men often struggle to envision or plan for a meaningful future.
While they get addicted to work or use escape behaviors, they avoid much introspection or reflection because they don’t want to really think about it.
They feel stuck at some deep level, even though outwardly they may seem to be doing fine and they may even believe they’re doing fine.
But when it comes to a roadmap for the future or a real idea of what to dedicate themselves to, they’re just not sure.
Being unhappy
Many unhappy people don’t fully realize it.
Miserable guys who haven’t found a solution to their frustrations often find a way to bury them or run away.
That’s why the behaviors above are helpful to take note of.
These behaviors can often go unnoticed by the individuals themselves, as they may be deeply ingrained patterns of coping or defense mechanisms developed over time.
Recognizing and addressing these behaviors can be a crucial step towards achieving greater happiness and fulfillment in life.
