Men who are stoic and rarely express emotion usually had these life 9 experiences

Hi there, Lachlan Brown here. You know, sometimes you meet men who are stoic—almost like they’re carved out of stone. Their feelings? Hidden away like secret treasures.

Why are some men so reserved with their emotions? More often than not, their life experiences have shaped them this way.

In this piece, we’re going to explore 9 common experiences that often lead to this stoic demeanor. My aim is to help us understand these individuals better, rather than judging them prematurely.

So, buckle up and let’s dive into the world of stoic men and the life experiences that have defined their emotional landscape.

1) They were raised in an emotionally repressed environment

Growing up, many stoic men were surrounded by family members who preferred to sweep feelings under the rug rather than discuss them openly. Emotions were seen as a sign of weakness, and the message was clear: “Real men don’t cry.”

This type of upbringing can have a profound effect. Boys learn quickly to hide their feelings, and as they become men, this pattern of emotional repression becomes deeply ingrained.

It’s not that these men don’t feel emotions – they do. But they’ve learned to keep them hidden away, presenting a stoic facade to the world.

As renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” For these men, accepting their emotional selves can be a daunting task indeed.

2) They’ve experienced significant trauma

Trauma can be a game changer, trust me. I know this from personal experience.

Years ago, I found myself in the middle of an unexpected crisis. It was a situation that shook me to my core and left me feeling raw and exposed. I didn’t know how to process the whirlwind of emotions I was feeling, so I chose to shut down instead.

I retreated into myself, building a wall around my emotions as a form of self-protection. It was easier to appear stoic than to be vulnerable, to face the reality of my pain.

This is not uncommon for men who’ve experienced significant trauma. The emotional fallout can be overwhelming, and sometimes, it feels safer to simply not feel at all.

As renowned psychologist Bessel van der Kolk says, “Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort.” And often, stoicism becomes a shield against this discomfort.

3) They’ve been conditioned by societal expectations

We live in a society where men are often expected to be strong, unemotional figures. This can lead to a pressure to display stoicism, even when emotions are bubbling under the surface.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I discuss how societal conditioning can affect our emotional expression and well-being.

Men are often taught to suppress their feelings, leading to an ego-driven existence that values power and control above vulnerability and empathy.

This societal pressure can be a major factor in why some men become stoic, as they feel the need to conform to these expectations in order to be accepted or respected.

As psychologist Dr. Brene Brown eloquently puts it, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

But for many stoic men, the fear of showing vulnerability can be a powerful deterrent from expressing their true emotions.

4) They’re trying to maintain control

Control is a powerful motivator. In the realm of psychology, it’s understood that our need for control is a basic human instinct. We crave predictability and order in an often chaotic world.

For some stoic men, emotional expression can feel like losing control. Emotions are unpredictable, they can leave us feeling vulnerable and exposed. So, to maintain a sense of control, these men opt to suppress their emotions, presenting a calm, stoic exterior regardless of what they might be feeling inside.

This struggle for control over one’s emotional expression can be both mentally and physically exhausting. Yet, it’s a battle many men willingly engage in to avoid the perceived weakness associated with vulnerability.

5) They’re actually more sensitive than most

Sounds counter-intuitive, right? But stick with me here.

Often, beneath the stoic exterior of these men lies a heart that’s incredibly sensitive. These men feel emotions deeply, perhaps more deeply than most.

But here’s the catch – because they feel so intensely, they choose to retreat into stoicism as a form of self-protection. It’s a way to guard themselves from the potential hurt that can come from exposing their true feelings.

This sensitivity is often a well-guarded secret, hidden behind a mask of indifference or aloofness. But just because it’s hidden doesn’t mean it’s not there.

As the famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “What is most personal is most universal”. The same emotions that stoic men work so hard to hide are the same ones that connect us all on a deeply human level.

6) They’ve learned to self-soothe

Self-soothing is a survival mechanism. It’s how we learn to calm ourselves during stressful situations. For stoic men, this often means retreating inward and maintaining a calm exterior, regardless of the emotional turmoil they may be experiencing internally.

From a young age, these men may have learned that expressing emotions was either not accepted or not helpful. As such, they learned to self-soothe, to handle their emotions independently without seeking external comfort or validation.

This ability to self-soothe is often perceived as strength, reinforcing the stoic behavior. But it’s important to remember that everyone needs emotional support sometimes.

7) They’ve experienced rejection or ridicule

There was a time when I opened up to someone I trusted, sharing parts of myself that were raw and painful. The response was laughter and dismissal. It felt like a punch to the gut.

Rejection or ridicule, especially when it’s in response to emotional vulnerability, can be deeply scarring. It can teach a harsh lesson: it’s safer to keep emotions hidden than risk humiliation or dismissal.

For many stoic men, experiences like this have taught them to suppress their feelings, to keep their vulnerabilities locked away. It’s a defense mechanism, a way of protecting themselves from further emotional pain.

8) They value rationality over emotionality

In our society, there’s a commonly held belief that rationality and emotionality are at odds with each other. And for stoic men, the choice is clear: they choose to prioritize rational thinking over emotional expression.

This isn’t to say that these men don’t feel emotions. Rather, they believe that decisions should be made logically and objectively, without the influence of ‘messy’ emotions.

This commitment to rationality can be a double-edged sword. While it can lead to clear, logical decision-making, it can also lead to emotional suppression and disconnect.

Wrapping Up: It’s about understanding, not changing

When we encounter stoic men, it’s important to remember that their stoicism is often a result of numerous life experiences, and not a flaw that needs fixing.

The experiences we’ve discussed here are common among many stoic men. They’re not definitive, nor are they exhaustive. But they can provide a window into understanding why some men choose to keep their emotions under wraps.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I explore the importance of understanding and empathy in our interactions with others, including those who choose to present a stoic exterior.

It’s crucial to remember that everyone has their own emotional landscape, sculpted by their unique life experiences. For stoic men, this landscape may be hidden beneath a calm and composed exterior, but it’s there nonetheless.

As we navigate our relationships with these men, let’s strive for understanding rather than urging them to change. Let’s respect their stoicism while reassuring them that it’s okay to let their guard down sometimes.

As Carl Jung said, “Understanding does not cure evil, but it is a definite help, inasmuch as one can cope with a comprehensible darkness.” So let’s strive to comprehend the darkness, and in doing so, shed light on the complex world of stoic men.