Men who are secretly insecure often overcompensate with these 7 subtle behaviors

I’ll let you in on a little secret: truly confident men are relatively rare. 

After all, anyone can stick their chest out, speak loudly, and pretend to be confident. 

But things like true confidence and security come from deep within. 

If a man is faking confidence, sure he may be able to get away with it for a bit… but eventually, there will be signs. 

In this article, I’ll take you through the behaviors of men who overcompensate for their insecurities. 

So if you want to seem secure and self-assured, it’s probably a wise option to avoid the following behaviors. 

Let’s get to it! 

1) They brag and boast non-stop 

This one is as obvious as it gets. 

When a man isn’t fully secure in himself, he will actively look to impress other people. 

Internally, he doesn’t feel adequate, so he feels the unconscious and perpetual need to prove himself. 

So rather than be humble, he’ll frequently boast about his achievements, level of wealth, possessions, connections, and so on. 

He wants to project an image of success and confidence–one that doesn’t genuinely align with how he feels deep down. 

Maybe he’ll occasionally even name-drop… he’ll talk about “friends” who are supposedly important or famous, in hopes of elevating his perceived status in other people’s minds. 

If you’ve been around a truly confident man, you’ll notice that he will typically be incredibly low-key and humble; allowing his stillness to quietly communicate confidence more than anything else.

2) They’re excessively competitive

Many people like to frame “being competitive” as a positive thing; and in some cases, they’re right. 

Light competitiveness in sports or the odd duel of Trivial Pursuit can add to the fun. 

But when competitiveness becomes a way of life, this is unhealthy–and for many insecure men, this is unfortunately often the case. 

They will be excessively competitive in many aspects of life, even in petty and superficial matters. 

For instance, perhaps he earns a decent salary but a few of his peers earn more than him. 

He won’t feel content. He will feed the need to one-up them. 

Or maybe, he’ll lose sleep over his neighbor owning a brand-new, top-of-the-line SUV, while he has an older model.  

The latter is motivation enough for him to go out and spend money he might not even have.

He wants to appease his inner turmoil, his irrationally competitive spirit.

And his bank account will ultimately suffer. 

3) They seek validation online

Like many, insecure men will turn to the internet and social media to gain what they feel they’re lacking in life.

Empty likes and comments on social media provide them with a fleeting ego boost… something they get hooked on, which manifests as chronic oversharing. 

Maybe they’ll post excess selfies (sometimes shirtless), photos of being “hard at work,” or of their cars, luxury items, first-class boarding passes, and so on. 

You get the gist. 

Insecure men are all about wanting to impress people and getting the much sought-after validation that comes with it. 

Collectively, insecure men tend to have delicate constitutes as people, so they’ll seek approval and praise from acquaintances and strangers online to reassure themselves of their worth. 

Not cool. 

4) They become controlling 

In a relationship, an insecure man will often tend to become controlling and possessive.

You see, their ego is fragile, and to make up for that deep-rooted inadequacy, they’ll try to control the situations and people around them. 

Controlling others makes them feel good about themselves; it makes them feel secure and, in a sense, powerful. 

Sometimes, an insecure man will get irrationally jealous of their partner’s platonic friends, often creating imaginary scenarios, and using non-existent evidence to control their partner and their movements. 

They feel the need to surveil and keep tabs on them at all times… behavior that will almost always turn people off and drive them away. 

5) They get defensive 

Insecure men love to be critical. 

They won’t often hesitate to vigorously berate the people and situations around them. 

But while they have no issue dishing it, when criticism is directed at them, they often can’t take it. 

Even when faced with mild criticism, an insecure man will often become defensive, as it threatens his shaky self-image. 

Most secure men will take the odd bit of criticism in stride, accepting it and moving on. 

The insecure man, however, might lash out, violently rejecting any mildly negative feedback. 

The truth hurts… and it stings even more when you have weak foundations as a person. 

6) They wear designer clothes 

Insecure men are all about appearances.

Who cares about your character, when you have money to blow on clothes and cars, right? 

Well, not exactly. 

Truly confident men can wear a ten-dollar shirt from Target and feel at ease; this is because, as established, their self-assuredness comes from somewhere deep. 

They don’t feel the need to impress anyone because, internally, they’re satisfied. 

When it comes to dealing with others, insecure men tend to value external appearances more than what’s on the inside. 

They therefore might invest heavily in how they look or material things, frequently decking themselves out in designer clothes and accessories from head to toe. 

They aren’t able to project confidence and success organically, so they think they can buy it instead. 

7) They become stand-up comedians 

Many insecure men feel vulnerable emotionally but aren’t quite ready to face their demons from the past and present. 

So to deflect, they’ll almost instinctively mask their true feelings by becoming the comedian, the court jester, constantly cracking jokes and attempting to make people laugh. 

This is all a front, whether subconsciously or not. 

In a sense, they want to gain others’ approval through humor; but mostly, they’re using jokes as a way to avoid serious conversations. 

It can be tiring and annoying to be with an insecure man for lengthy periods, because he’s constantly joking and, in a sense, almost incapable of being solemn and somber. 

Whenever you attempt to have a serious conversation, he’ll somehow turn to humor, afraid to let his guard down and be open.

Final words 

If you have a man in your life who shares some of the insecure traits in this article, I assure you… not all is lost. 

Approach him and gently air out your concerns, being proactive about solutions. 

Remember, nobody chooses to be insecure; they’re almost always that way because of unfortunate experiences and circumstances in life. 

So in a sense, he’s a victim too. 

And with enough support, there is almost always a remedy. 

Don’t lose hope. You’ve come this far. Keep going. 

The payoff for the both of you will be worth it.

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