Leila El-Dean
Have you noticed something isn’t quite right with your man? (And it’s seriously affecting your relationship).
It’s hard to put your finger on.
But your once thriving, passionate, and intimate bond has turned into the occasional grunt over dinner.
Don’t get me wrong.
Relationships naturally ebb and flow.
But this is more serious. It’s like he’s not there.
It could mean he’s become (what’s commonly called) emotionally distant.
The good news is, it’s not necessarily your fault. There could be external factors affecting his mood and outlook. He might not even realize it.
Do you recognize these six behaviors in your man?
If the answer is yes, chances are he’s become emotionally detached.
1) Struggle to be in the present
This first one is pretty common.
When we’re stressed, anxious, or have something important on our minds, it can be hard to wind down and stay in the present.
We’re overcome with worry.
Normal activities like watching a movie, having an engaging fun conversation, or taking a gentle walk can be frustrating.
Here’s the thing.
Your mind knows there’s unfinished business that needs to be taken care of. It’s unable to relax until these annoying little tasks are completed.
And life is full of them.
Whether it’s a presentation at work, an ongoing dispute with a neighbor, or family problems, they all make us worry.
The end result?
You’ve guessed it, emotional detachment from your partner (and he probably doesn’t realize it).
It’s nothing new. Stoics were discussing this very topic 2000 years ago.
They believe the present is the only place you should focus on. We can’t fully control the future, and we definitely can’t change the past. Spending time thinking about these two things is pointless. The present moment is where we should live our lives for maximum happiness.
It takes a while to get your head around it.
But with meditation, mindfulness, and practice, it’s possible.
2) Use coping mechanisms (alcohol)
When someone’s emotionally distant, they can use coping mechanisms (to help deal with whatever’s on their mind).
I’m talking about everything.
From video game addiction and smoking to more serious vices like alcohol and drug abuse.
Basically, they’re trying to distract themselves.
It’s a form of escapism (and they probably don’t realize they’re doing it).
Unfortunately, the underlying reason could be because they’re not happy in the relationship.
But as mentioned, it could also be anything under the sun. After all, everyone has issues in life.
If you’ve heard them say things like: “I need a drink.” it may be because they feel the need to numb themselves.
Now, we all like a drink from time to time.
Especially on a Friday night after a hectic week!
But if they’re drinking more frequently, drinking alone, and not really enjoying themselves, they could be trying to escape.
This obviously isn’t healthy and in the long run, certainly won’t help.
If things are getting worse, consider getting help from friends and family. You may even want to seek professional advice.
Ultimately, you need to find the underlying cause.
Which can be tricky (because of our next point).
3) Lack communication
Men who are emotionally distant struggle to open up.
If anything, they tend to go in the opposite direction. Clammng up and becoming a closed book.
It’s not like they do it on purpose. In fact, it’s another behavior that they may not even realize they’re doing.
But it doesn’t make it any less frustrating!
At the end of the day, you probably care about them. You want to support them through this tough time. But without deep and meaningful communication it can be extremely difficult.
You might remember how things used to be.
You’d sit up all night discussing everything. Really getting to know each other.
Now, the only words you say to each other are: “What do you fancy eating today?”. You eat your meals in silence and barely communicate all day.
What’s more, any attempt you make to get closer can trigger anger. They might even storm off if you press them too hard.
Which leads nicely to our next point.
4) Prefer to be alone (run away)
If your partner is showing signs that they prefer isolation over company, it’s a slamdunk sign they’re becoming emotionally detached.
It might start with staying in their room while friends or family are visiting.
But they may even leave the house (slamming the door behind them). You have no idea where they’ve gone or when they’re coming back.
Here’s the thing.
When a man is emotionally distant, they lack empathy. They don’t consider your needs. Instead, they prefer to isolate themselves to cool off or remove themselves from a stressful situation.
They don’t realize they’re being incredibly selfish.
They’re simply putting themselves first and trying to deal with whatever’s on their mind.
5) Apathetic towards everything
Apathy and emotional detachment go hand in hand.
It’s like they don’t care anymore.
They’re not interested in anything (besides their escapism). They lack enthusiasm and passion.
It’s not just directed toward you either.
If you’ve known them for a while, think back to how they used to be. For example, did they have a busy social life? Maybe they loved playing soccer once a week or going on long hikes with friends.
Fast forward to now. Have things changed?
If you’ve noticed a general increase in apathy, it’s a sign they’re becoming emotionally detached.
You could try reigniting their old passions. Get friends to help.
Accept that you’re not going to get any answers anytime soon, just focus on getting them to a happier state where they’re ready to open up a bit more.
6) Unsupportive
Finally, if a man is distancing themselves emotionally, don’t expect any support from them.
It’s something you’re going to have to come to terms with.
And if you really care, you need to ride it out.
I know it sucks (and totally not fair). But emotionally distant men need your support before they can return to their loving, caring selves.
You’re going to have to call it. What are you willing to do, to rediscover that old connection?
It might take months. Even years.
Then there’s the flip side.
You need to consider your own well-being. You have a life to live too. If it’s only getting worse despite all your efforts, sadly, it might be time to move on.
