Natasha Combrink
Dating a guy who seems to be emotionally unavailable can be frustrating.
For most of them, all that matters is being happy.
So, they want to keep things chill and ignore or push aside anything that threatens this.
Don’t get me wrong, being happy should be the goal.
But sometimes, stuff happens, and we need to deal with the emotions that come with it.
These kinda men rarely want to.
And the worst part is probably that they refuse to admit it’s because they’re disconnected from their emotions.
But some behaviors give them away.
Unsure whether you’re the problem or if you’re just dealing with a guy who’s emotionally disconnected?
Well, when men aren’t connected to their emotions…
1) They’re emotionally numb.
Okay, I know this might seem obvious. But it’s a little deeper than you might think.
Emotional numbness isn’t just about having a blank expression when a sad scene pops up on screen. It’s about literally feeling nothing.
It’s not that these guys don’t want to feel anything. Their lives are just like a movie they’ve seen too many times.
They might laugh when everyone else does or nod along to serious talks. But deep down, it’s like they’re behind a glass wall, seeing and hearing everything but not fully being a part of it.
This emotional disconnection doesn’t mean they’re robots, though, far from it.
There’s a lot going on inside. But it’s locked up tight, hidden away from even those closest to them.
It’s tough, not just for them but for their friends and family too.
Seeing someone you care about just going through the motions, unable to tap into the joy, anger, or sadness that makes life so rich, can be confusing and sometimes heartbreaking.
Being emotionally numb isn’t a choice or a cool mask to hide behind.
It’s more like being lost in a fog, trying to figure out how to feel anything again.
Emotionally numb men might just be struggling to feel alive again.
But then there’s also the type who just doesn’t like or know how to deal with emotions.
When guys fall into this category…
2) They avoid people or situations that might trigger emotional responses.
You know how some people seem to dodge anything that could get them in their feels?
It’s like they have an internal alarm that goes off whenever things might get too real.
They bail, ghost, or suddenly become super busy with something – anything – that keeps them from dealing with emotions.
You’ll never have a deep conversation with a man like this.
He’ll stick to superficial topics like sports, the latest movies, or what’s new in the gaming world. Basically anything that doesn’t require a deep dive into feelings.
It’s also hard to get close to a guy who is disconnected from his emotions. Once it feels like your relationship is reaching emotional involvement, poof – they’re outta there.
Avoiding emotional triggers seems like an easy way out for these men, but it’s actually a lonely one. They live in a bubble where everything’s safe, nothing hurts, and nothing feels genuinely good.
Another reason why men avoid situations where they need to get into the emotional side of things is because…
3) They find it hard to express feelings.
Truth is, your guy might feel a lot inside. But if he’s disconnected from his emotions, sharing what he feels can be hard.
No matter how much he tries, his brain probably just goes into panic.
Emotions are messy, complicated, and downright confusing. Trying to express them can feel like you’re walking blindfolded through a minefield.
For guys who are disconnected from their emotions, every attempt to express their feelings is a risk of saying the wrong thing or not saying enough.
Sometimes, it feels safer just to not say anything at all.
They might even try to show how they feel in other ways, like doing favors, spending time with you, or even getting a bit snappy or withdrawn because, hey, frustration is a feeling, too.
But more often than not, you’ll only get an “It’s cool” or “I’m fine,” paired with a shrug whenever you try to talk to them about what’s happening in their mind.
4) They have a substance abuse problem.
Sometimes, when guys are really struggling to connect with their emotions, they might start leaning on substances like alcohol or drugs to rather numb them.
My partner did this for a really long time.
He explained that using substances helped him mute the chaos in his head. Using stuff made him feel something different, less painful, and sometimes even nothing at all.
Temporarily, of course. Which led to more use.
It’s a damaging cycle.
In their search for a way out of their own thoughts and feelings, some men stumble upon substance use, which seems like a secret tunnel that promises escape.
At first, it works great. It gives them a break from their emotions and helps make difficult situations easier to handle.
But once the high wears off, all the emotions are still there. So, they continue using something and get caught up in a loop.
If your man has a substance abuse problem, helping him get the help he needs to connect with his emotions is the best thing you can do.
Substance abuse issues aren’t about the substances at all. It’s about what’s driving someone to use them in the first place.
It’s a sign that they’re hurting and don’t know how to address their feelings.
Besides substance use, when men don’t want to engage with their emotions…
5) They overwork themselves or immerse themselves in hobbies.
Some men like keeping themselves so occupied that they don’t have time to feel anything.
Think about it: when you’re swamped with work or glued to your hobby, your brain is too busy to wander into the emotional zone.
On the surface, this might look like mad dedication or passion, which, don’t get me wrong, can be pretty awesome.
But sometimes, it’s not just about the grind or the love for what they do.
It’s more like they’re using these activities as a super convenient hideout from their feelings.
For guys struggling with emotions, diving headfirst into work or hobbies is like hitting the snooze button. It gives them a break from dealing with what’s really going on inside.
But overworking or hyper-focusing on hobbies can lead to burnout, stress, and isolation.
And a clear sign of this in men is when…
6) They’re always tired, have headaches, or stomach issues.
Suppressing emotions can lead to heaps of other issues.
Some pop up because of substance abuse or overworking, and others simply because our bodies often react physically when the emotional stuff we’re not dealing with needs to get out somehow.
When men bottle up their feelings, their bodies speak up for them.
Those unexplained headaches, constant fatigue, and upset stomachs can actually be their body’s way of dealing with emotional stress.
This connection between emotions and physical health isn’t just some weird coincidence. It’s a real thing called the mind-body connection.
Basically, our thoughts and feelings can affect our physical health in major ways.
So, when a guy is feeling emotionally numb or avoiding his feelings, his body might start acting out to get his attention.
Dealing with these symptoms means more than just popping a painkiller or taking a nap.
Men need to dig a little deeper and face whatever emotions are lurking beneath the surface.
7) They’re impulsive.
Guys who can’t or don’t want to connect with their emotions chase thrills. Either to avoid difficult feelings or to feel something when everything else feels too muted or confusing.
One minute, he could be chilling, and the next, he’s planning a road trip for the weekend with no actual plan.
Now, I’m not saying it’s wrong to be impulsive. We all need some adventure in our lives.
But if a guy is always making impulsive decisions without really considering the consequences, he might be avoiding his emotions.
Impulsivity gives this rush of excitement that can become addictive, especially when you’re feeling numb or want a distraction.
8) They use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.
Emotionally disconnected men are often the type who have a comeback for everything.
No matter what you say, they have a sarcastic remark ready to distract or make things funny.
And at first, this can be pretty funny.
But if you take a deeper look, you’ll notice that it’s their way of keeping the world at arm’s length, especially its messy, emotional parts.
For guys who struggle with connecting to their emotions, these sharp-witted tools can be a way to deflect attention from what they’re really feeling.
It’s easier to crack a joke or make a sarcastic comment than to say, “Hey, I’m actually feeling pretty lost right now.”
Best case scenario? They use this approach to keep things light.
Worst case?
9) They often seem detached when they’ve hurt other people.
Let’s say you’re trying to talk to your man about something they’ve done that really hurt you. Their response?
A witty or sarcastic remark that tries to turn your pain into a punchline.
You see, some men are so disconnected from their own emotions that they can’t realize or accept that they hurt others.
This detachment can be really confusing and even emotionally draining for you. You’ll have to deal with all these heavy feelings while the guy who caused it appears indifferent.
Guys who are disconnected from their emotions seem cold-hearted.
But deep down, they’re actually struggling, so much so that they often can’t properly process the impact their actions have on others.
So, when they hurt someone, instead of facing the messy, uncomfortable feelings of guilt, remorse, or empathy, they switch off.
What these kinda men don’t realize, though, is that they push people away through their emotionally disconnected behaviors.
Sooner or later, they have to deal with the deeper, scarier feelings if they don’t want to lose everyone they actually care about.
Loving a man who is disconnected from their emotions can be hard. It can make you feel unworthy and even guilty for needing emotional support.
Being in a healthy relationship causes the exact opposite of this.
If you’re not strong enough to handle your guy’s emotionally distant behaviors, you could end up resenting him for all the hurt you’ve experienced.
In which case, leaving is your best option.
