Marcel Deer
Dating is complicated, but when you’re in a relationship and feel like your man’s whole heart isn’t in it, you question their intentions.
When it comes to commitment in a relationship, men think very differently from women.
Women are prepared to give their all, emotionally, physically, and mentally, when they want to make something work. Men, on the other hand, have to be ready, whether that be financially or emotionally, before they decide to settle down with you.
You could be an incredible and devoted partner, and they know this, so they enter into a relationship with you to get the perks. They don’t, however, make things “official.”
You want to know that you aren’t wasting your time with this person. More importantly, you don’t want to be hurt.
You ask yourself, “Does my relationship have a future?”
Well, men who agree to a relationship but aren’t truly committed usually display these 6 subtle behaviors that you need to look out for. Consider the following signs to protect yourself from being taken advantage of.
1) He doesn’t compromise.
For any relationship to work, you’ve got to meet your partner halfway, and a sure sign that the person you’re with isn’t pulling their weight is when they put their happiness before yours.
You might not always notice that they aren’t compromising because some men are extremely good at convincing you to do things their way.
How do you know if this is happening in your relationship?
Let’s take a look at an example. You want to watch an upcoming TV show that you think both of you will be interested in, but he convinces you that you always watch things that you like. So, you sacrifice yet again and watch what he prefers instead.
It’s a simple example, but sends a clear message.
If he’s making you feel guilty to get you to do something his way or he rarely sacrifices his time to take you out or do something special, these are sure signs that he doesn’t actually compromise in the relationship.
A partner who is committed to you wants you to feel valued and prioritized. Whether this means watching your favorite TV show before his or sacrificing one day with the boys to plan a date night, the little things show you how he truly feels about you.
2) He says one thing and does the opposite.
There are a few men who have no shame in making you believe that they love you. They do this by pretending to be invested in the relationship and promising you all sorts of things, only to fall back on their word.
Pay attention to what he says and what he does.
Are his words followed by action? If he wants to show you how much you mean to him, are you still waiting for that day to come?
When you’re devoted to your partner, you don’t think twice about helping with chores, supporting their goals, and being physically intimate. But unfulfilled men who hesitate to show their support or decide when it’s time to give you affection may have another motive, and it’s not commitment.
Ultimately, he’ll tell you what you want to hear, but his behavior says something else.
If you find yourself longing for more or you feel frustrated in your relationship, take a closer look into his willingness, or lack thereof, to commit to you.
3) He doesn’t talk about the future of the relationship.
Most committed couples share their future dreams with one another. From countries they’d like to visit to marriage and starting a family, these are normal topics that let you know you’re both on the same page.
Discussing these goals and dreams also helps you learn about the person you’re with and gives you something to look forward to.
But if you think about the conversations that you have with your man, does he ever willingly talk about your future together?
Does he discuss putting roots down with you or wanting his friends and family to get to know you better? Think about it.
If you don’t bring it up, is there ever a moment where he talks about your future together?
It’s hard to realize that the person you thought was committed to your relationship actually has no intention of thinking ahead. Should you confront them about it, you might get the response, “Let’s just live in the moment” or “You know that I’m not big on planning.”
If there’s a feeling in the pit of your stomach that his heart isn’t quite in it, you’re probably right.
4) He doesn’t give heartfelt compliments.
A guy who’s agreed to a relationship but isn’t quite committed to it has to find a way to keep you happy. He’ll think that he’s making you feel good by doing the bare minimum, and that means telling you that you look nice or repeating compliments day in and day out.
But a man who really values you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you will notice the little things that he adores. And he’ll let you know how he feels.
Rather than tell you that you look good, he’ll notice when you get your hair done or when you’ve changed something about your appearance.
One thing that I want you to look out for is what he does in the presence of friends and family.
Do you get very general “compliments,” yet others get specific forms of praise?
For example, you plan to meet up with a group of friends for a dinner party. He tells you that you look great. But when you arrive, he points out how his friend’s sister changed her hairstyle, and he’s pleasantly surprised.
If you don’t pay close attention, you might shrug it off.
But when you start looking at patterns of behavior, and you notice that he doesn’t compliment you with specifics, you’ve got to ask yourself why.
5) He struggles to show his vulnerable side.
I get it! Men don’t generally talk about their emotions or openly share their innermost thoughts, but it’s different when you’re in a committed relationship.
A commitment phobe won’t easily open up. Here’s why…
They aren’t ready to commit to you. You’ll notice that they steer away from having those deep conversations, so you only know what’s on the surface.
You can be together for months, yet they still don’t make the time to get to know you on a much deeper emotional level.
This is a major sign that he isn’t ready to emotionally connect with you.
Of course, some emotionally unavailable men might just take a bit longer than others to show vulnerability. They have their own fears and insecurities and believe that sharing their feelings makes them appear less masculine.
But if you’ve provided the time and a loving, non-judgmental space for them to freely express themselves or share their past, yet they still avoid these conversations, it’s time to rethink the relationship.
6) He always has excuses.
I was in a relationship where my ex and I would rarely do things together.
I’m not exactly a homebody, so I would make suggestions about places to go and simple things to do. But every time I’d get an excuse not to go out that went from financial problems and not having enough time to always feeling ill.
Eventually, I cottoned on to the fact that they were lying and just weren’t interested.
I know you’re thinking, “Well, if my partner made excuses, that would be pretty obvious.” But the point I’m trying to make is that someone who isn’t that committed to the relationship tries to justify their behavior, which is easy to overlook.
You might find yourself upset that they’ve let you down or frustrated about their attitude, but you don’t dwell on it for too long because you believe that they’ll make it up to you.
If your significant other isn’t making the time or the effort, but you’re on the receiving end, ready to accommodate their needs, it’s a sign that they aren’t that into you.
Final thoughts
Relationships need work, and for any partnership to make it through the highs and the lows, there has to be unwavering love and commitment. You want to know that you aren’t wasting your time by putting your all into someone who won’t reciprocate how you feel.
For some men, they like the idea of being with someone, but as far as commitment goes, that’s where the buck stops.
And it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, either. Some men can be in a relationship for years and never feel the need to give their hearts away.
Men can experience a real fear of commitment, but they can also stay in a relationship that’s comfortable and convenient.
It’s painful to realize that the person you’re with doesn’t share your feelings and goals, but it’s also a blessing in disguise. It gives you the chance to free yourself from a relationship where you aren’t valued because your man just isn’t truly committed.
