Adrian Volenik
Love and relationships can be both a blissful and tumultuous journey. When it comes to successful relationships, maturity plays an invaluable role.
But what sets mature individuals apart in this intricate dance of love?
Buckle up as we reveal the 14 things mature people never do in relationships, paving the way for more fulfilling, healthy, and enduring connections.
1) Scorekeeping and tit-for-tat mentality
Scorekeeping and tit-for-tat mentality are obviously immature and can harm any relationship or marriage.
Mature partners know not to keep score of past mistakes or hold grudges against their companions. They avoid adopting a tit-for-tat mentality where they feel the need to retaliate for every perceived wrongdoing.
Instead, they focus on forgiveness, understanding, and moving forward.
On the other side, I’ve seen far too many examples of people having this harmful mentality. They act like children, and it’s hurting their relationships.
2) Passive-aggressive behavior
Another harmful behavior that’s widespread is passive-aggressive behavior. It comes in many forms but typically involves avoiding direct confrontation and using subtle or covert means to express negative emotions or manipulate others.
Here are some examples:
- Withdrawing from interactions and giving their partner the silent treatment
- Sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or ambiguous statements
- Eye-rolling, heavy sighs, and glaring
- Acting surprised, confused, or innocent to deflect responsibility
Mature people refrain from resorting to passive-aggressive tactics like those when upset or dissatisfied.
They communicate their concerns or frustrations directly and openly, fostering an environment of clear and honest communication.
3) Unrealistic expectations
When you’re dealing with relationship issues, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we’re not taught how to love ourselves first.
So, if you want to solve any relationship issues, I’d recommend starting with yourself first and taking Rudá’s incredible advice.
Here’s a link to the free video once again.
4) Cheating
Infidelity is still the number one reason married and unmarried relationships end. According to research, a whopping 30-60% percent of married couples will cheat at least once in the marriage.
Further, 74% of men and 68% of women admit they’d cheat if it was guaranteed they’d never get caught.
Those are some heartbreaking numbers right there.
The motivations behind cheating vary greatly. Some people cheat because they’re unhappy in their current relationship, so they seek validation, novelty, or excitement elsewhere.
Others cheat as a result of poor impulse control, low self-esteem, personal insecurities, or unresolved emotional issues.
Nonetheless, mature partners understand the importance of commitment and trust in a relationship. They avoid betraying their partner’s trust by cheating or having emotional affairs.
They also avoid this next behavior.
5) Keeping secrets
Withholding important information or intentionally hiding certain aspects of your life is a big no-no in any relationship, especially marriage.
I’d say it’s perfectly normal to have some level of privacy and personal boundaries in a relationship, but keeping significant secrets quickly erodes trust and creates barriers to intimacy.
Safeguarding sensitive information shared in confidence is also a must. Don’t spill the beans on everything others shared with you. Your partner should understand this too.
Mature people know how important honesty and transparency are in a relationship. They avoid keeping significant secrets from their partner, realizing that openness and trust are vital for building a solid foundation.
6) Neglecting personal growth
I dare to say that there’s no relationship growth without personal growth. For that reason, mature people prioritize personal growth and encourage their partners to do the same.
When we’re stagnant, it can lead to boredom, resentment, or a lack of shared experiences.
We should avoid becoming stagnant in our own development and support our partner’s pursuit of individual goals and aspirations.
But not only that, we should understand that each person’s journey of self-discovery is unique and encourage our partners to pursue their passions.
7) Not making time for each other
Another critical aspect of every healthy relationship is making time for each other.
It’s not just about the amount of time spent together but the quality of that time. Mature people strive to create meaningful and memorable experiences with their partners.
They engage in activities that promote connection, contact, and shared enjoyment.
We should all prioritize being fully present and actively listening to our partners during our time together.
It’s far too easy to constantly spend every waking moment on our phones, but where will that lead us?
Lack of communication is a serious issue plaguing many relationships. When we give up on talking, all that’s left is a shell of a relationship.
Think about that for a moment.
8) Dismissing the importance of humor and playfulness
Humor and playfulness are also incredibly important aspects of relationships. Unfortunately, as we get older and our relationship or marriage gets older as well, it seems we become more serious and share fewer and fewer laughs together.
If you’re mature, you’ll recognize the value of humor and playfulness in relationships. Stop taking everything too seriously and try to bring laughter, joy, and lightness into interactions with your partner.
You can thank me later.
9) Neglecting personal interests and friendships
Another thing that we have less and less of as we get older is friends. It’s often too demanding to keep in touch with our friends when we juggle work and career, partners and kids, and all other responsibilities we have as adults.
The same goes for hobbies, passions, and other personal interests we have, or we did once have.
Of course, mature people remember the importance of maintaining individuality within the relationship.
They simply avoid neglecting their personal interests, hobbies, and friendships, understanding that a healthy balance between individuality and togetherness contributes to the overall well-being of the relationship.
Can you say the same for yourself?
10) Emotional avoidance & dismissing the importance of intimacy
Mature people don’t shy away from addressing complex or sensitive emotions. They avoid suppressing or avoiding emotional discussions, recognizing the value of emotional intimacy and vulnerability.
They also apprehend that physical intimacy is essential to every romantic relationship.
Therefore, they avoid neglecting or dismissing the significance of intimacy and try to cultivate and maintain a fulfilling and intimate connection with their partner.
To avoid dismissing intimacy, try the following:
- Have an open conversation about your needs and desires
- Prioritize quality time
- Engage in physical touch and affection outside of the bedroom
- Share your thoughts, dreams, and fears with your partner
- Be open to trying new experiences
If all else fails, find a therapist specializing in relationships and sexual intimacy.
11) Overreliance on their partner
With time, we tend to expect certain things from our partners. If we don’t have anything going on outside our relationship, we start depending on the partner to fulfill all our emotional, social, and personal needs.
While it’s only natural to desire support from a partner, relying solely on them for all aspects of well-being can strain the relationship and limit personal growth.
The same will happen if we constantly do this next thing.
12) Comparisons with exes or others
Measuring your current partner against past relationships or other people, whether in terms of appearance, behavior, achievements, or other qualities, is a faux pas.
There’s really no need to do that, and it isn’t fair to them as human beings.
What mature people do is they appreciate the uniqueness of their current partner. They recognize that each person is different and has their own strengths, weaknesses, and qualities that make them unique.
They celebrate and value their partner for who they are rather than making unfair comparisons to others.
13) Constant criticism
Another annoying thing that some people do is constant criticism. Now, I’ll raise my hand here and say I’m sometimes guilty of that. My father is the same, and I recognize I’m like him in many regards, positive and negative.
Needless to say, this behavior can erode self-esteem, breed resentment, and create a toxic dynamic within the relationship.
Mature people recognize the importance of constructive feedback and strive to cultivate a supportive and growth-oriented environment. They avoid constant criticism or nitpicking.
I’m working on my problem, of course. Trying to keep it light and playful.
14) Avoiding conflict resolution
And lastly, burying your head in the sand and avoiding conflict resolution is also something mature people don’t do.
On the contrary, they actively work on resolving conflicts in a healthy and productive manner. They don’t avoid or suppress conflicts and instead engage in open and respectful discussions.
This entails actively listening to their partner’s perspective and seeking mutually satisfactory resolutions.
