What it means when a married man is protective of you

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Men have a biological instinct to protect and provide for their mate. 

In our modern age this kind of chivalrous behavior is often lacking, but it’s still present in men, right there in their evolutionary code. 

So what about a guy who’s married but also very protective and caring about you? 

If he already has a mate, then you may be wondering why he’s so protective and concerned for your well-being. 

Here’s a straightforward look at what it means when a married man is protective of you. 

He cares about you

When a man is protective of any woman, it means he cares about her and that her welfare is important to him. 

This is just as true if he is a married man. 

In fact, a married man has already demonstrated an increased capacity for commitment and caring for a woman by virtue of his being married. 

For this reason, he tends to be the “type” who will care deeply for a woman, even if it ends up not being his wife or being another woman in addition to his wife. 

As relationship writer Phil Ashton puts it:

“If a married man is protective over you, it’s a sign he cares about you and feels something for you.”

Ashton is right on the mark here, but we need to go a bit deeper.

The question, of course, is what he feels for you. 

Does he see you as a sexual adventure, a romantic option for the long-term, or a friend in a platonic sense?

Let’s start with option 1. 

1) He’s sexually attracted to you

The first option is that he’s sexually attracted to you and that his protectiveness emerges at least partly out of his desire to sleep for you. 

If this is the case, keep your eyes open for the classic signs of sexual interest, including him touching you often, making strong eye contact and flirting with you

As a married man, he could be going through a tough period in his marriage or be happy with his wife romantically but sexually unsatisfied. 

His protectiveness of you can come from a place of real concern, absolutely, but don’t discount that it may be part and parcel of his sexual attraction to you as well. 

2) He’s romantically attracted to you

The next likely option here is that he has romantic feelings for you. This may or may not include a sexual element, but the primary motivation here is an emotional connection he’s feeling for you. 

He feels affection or love for you which is lacking or insufficient with his wife. 

He’s protective of you because the bond he feels is very much real and meaningful to him. 

If he goes out of his way to ensure you’re doing OK in your safety, financially or in other areas of your life, it can often involve strong romantic feelings from his side.

3) He sees you as a dear friend

The third most likely option here in terms of what it means when a married man is protective of you, is that he doesn’t have romantic or sexual feelings for you but sees you as a dear friend. 

If he has a daughter, then he may be even more emotionally invested as well.

He may feel that ensuring you are OK in your life and your love life is doubly important to him because of how much he loves his daughter. 

This kind of friendly, paternal love from a married man may not be what you’re looking for, but it is one of the reasons that he may be protective of you. 

Pay attention to where you met him and the context of your relationship for more clues about his intentions towards you. 

One thing that we can say for certainty is that: 

He considers you a high-value woman

There’s no doubt that a married man won’t go out of his way to ensure your well-being unless he considers you a high-value woman

If he’s protective of you then you can be absolutely sure he considers you especially physically attractive, smart and desirable as a mate, or as a woman who deserves the very best from life even if he personally isn’t attracted. 

The thing about a married man looking out for you is that sometimes it’s a stand-in for him having an affair…

That’s because sometimes:

Even if he can’t be with you he wants the best for you

Some married men who do desire an affair will instead try to help a woman out and be there for her in whichever way they can. 

This is their solution instead of betraying their own marriage. 

In this way he can be close to you and do kind things for you without crossing the line into infidelity. 

If you sense a lot of repressed desire on his part but he always refocuses your interactions onto making sure you’re OK, giving advice or helping you out, then this could be what’s going on. 

If he’s engaged in an affair with you or trying to do so and is also very genuinely protective of you then it could be reaching the next level of seriousness. 

What I’m saying is that: 

He may be considering leaving his wife to be with you

If you have romantic feelings for this married man or have fallen in love then this may be what you’re hoping for. 

While many married guys will avoid the topic of leaving their marriage or dangle it without ever following through, it’s certainly possible that he will actually leave his wife to be with you

Despite the messiness, heartbreak and logistical challenges this could involve, where there’s a will there’s a way. 

If you both are feeling in love and he’s become extremely protective of you then it can certainly be the prelude to him leaving his wife to be with you. 

Just ensure not to stake all your hopes or well-being on that happening, and accept that your only control is over your own decisions and actions, not on what he does or what he feels. 

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers).

Paul Brian

I’m a multimedia journalist with experience in print, photography, video, and online. My passion is reporting on individuals, faiths, nations, and situations that impact us all on the journey of life.

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