Minh Tran
We all have chapters in our lives we’d rather forget. It’s human nature to want to bury the painful parts of our past, to hide them away and pretend they never happened.
But here’s the thing: not all methods of moving past pain are healthy. In fact, some can even create more harm than good.
You see, many of us resort to harmful strategies to hide our hurt. We mask it, run from it, or drown it out, and in doing so, we end up causing ourselves more suffering in the long run.
This article explores seven unhealthy ways people often try to cover up painful chapters from their past. By understanding these patterns, we can start making healthier choices that genuinely help us heal and grow.
So let’s dive in, shall we?
1) Denial
Denial is a defense mechanism that we all use from time to time. It’s when we refuse to acknowledge the reality of a situation because it’s too painful or uncomfortable to accept.
But when denial becomes a way of life, it’s a problem. It’s like putting a band-aid on a wound that needs stitches. Sure, it might cover the wound for a while, but it won’t heal it.
Many people use denial to cope with painful chapters from their past. They pretend the hurtful events never happened, or they downplay their significance.
However, this only traps the pain inside, where it can fester and grow. And as the pain grows, so does the need for denial, creating a vicious cycle that can be incredibly hard to break.
Recognizing and confronting our denial is the first step towards healing. It’s not always easy, but it’s necessary if we want to move forward in a healthier way.
2) Substance abuse
I’m going to share a more personal story here. You see, for a time in my life, I used alcohol as a crutch. It was a way for me to escape from the painful memories that kept resurfacing in my mind.
After a particularly rough day, I’d crack open a bottle of wine and let the world blur out. The more I drank, the less I remembered, and the less I remembered, the better I felt. Or so I thought.
But here’s the thing: substance abuse is not a solution. It’s an evasion tactic. It numbs the pain temporarily, but it doesn’t address the root cause of the pain.
And when the effects wear off, you’re left feeling worse than before because now you have a hangover or withdrawal symptoms to deal with on top of your unresolved emotional pain.
It took me a while to realize this. But once I did, I sought help and started dealing with my past in healthier ways. And I can tell you this: it’s hard work, but it’s worth it.
3) Distraction
We live in a world of constant stimulation. Smartphones, social media, streaming platforms – there’s always something to distract us from our thoughts and feelings. And for those dealing with painful memories, this can seem like a godsend.
But here’s the downside: according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, constant distraction can actually increase feelings of distress and anxiety over time.
You see, when we distract ourselves from our pain, we’re not actually dealing with it. We’re just pushing it aside for a moment. And each time we do this, we’re training our brains to associate these painful memories with distress and fear.
In contrast, facing our pain and working through it can help us reduce its impact over time. It’s not an easy process, but it’s a healthier one in the long run.
4) Overworking
Work can be fulfilling and rewarding, but it can also serve as a convenient escape route from our inner turmoil. By throwing ourselves into our jobs, we can avoid dealing with the pain of our past.
We might tell ourselves that we’re just dedicated or ambitious. We keep our minds busy with tasks, meetings, and deadlines so there’s no room for painful memories to surface.
The problem with this approach is that it’s not sustainable. Overworking leads to burnout, which can cause a multitude of physical and mental health problems.
More importantly, it doesn’t allow us to process our past. The pain remains unaddressed, lurking in the shadows of our subconscious, ready to resurface at any moment.
Balancing work and personal life is key to maintaining good mental health. It’s also important to create spaces for introspection and healing in our daily routines. Remember, it’s okay to slow down and take care of yourself.
5) Isolation
There was a time when I thought keeping my pain to myself was the best way to deal with it. I’d close myself off from the world, retreat into my shell and avoid social interactions. After all, if I was alone, no one could see my pain and I didn’t have to explain anything.
But isolation is a double-edged sword. While it might seem like a safe haven initially, it often exacerbates the pain in the long run. Humans are social creatures, we thrive on connections and interactions with others.
By isolating ourselves, we deny ourselves the support and comfort that others can provide. We’re also left alone with our thoughts, which can spiral out of control if not checked.
I’ve learned that reaching out to others, sharing my feelings and accepting help can be incredibly healing. It’s not easy, but it’s a crucial step towards confronting and dealing with past pain.
6) Suppressing emotions
It’s common to suppress painful emotions in an attempt to maintain control and avoid discomfort. We might put on a brave face, act like everything’s fine, and push our feelings down.
But emotions are a natural part of being human. They are signals that alert us to what’s happening in our internal world. Suppressing them is like ignoring the warning lights on your car’s dashboard.
Studies show that emotional suppression can lead to increased stress, poor memory, and relationship problems. It can also cause the suppressed emotion to intensify and result in emotional outbursts later on.
Instead of suppressing our emotions, we need to allow ourselves to feel them. It’s okay to be hurt or angry or sad. Feeling these emotions doesn’t make us weak, it makes us human. And by acknowledging and understanding our emotions, we can start to process them in a healthy way.
7) Holding onto guilt and blame
Guilt and blame can be a heavy burden. They can trap us in the past, preventing us from moving forward. We might blame others for our pain, or we might blame ourselves.
But here’s the thing: guilt and blame don’t lead to healing. They just keep us stuck in a cycle of pain and regret.
What does lead to healing is forgiveness. And by forgiveness, I don’t mean excusing or forgetting what happened. I mean letting go of the anger and resentment that’s keeping you tied to the past.
Forgiveness is not about the other person, it’s about you. It’s about freeing yourself from the weight of past pain so you can move forward in a healthier, happier way.
Final thoughts: The path to healing
When it comes to dealing with painful chapters from our past, it’s important to remember that healing is a journey, not a destination.
It’s a process that requires patience, self-compassion, and resilience. And while it can be tempting to resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms, they only provide temporary relief and can often lead to more harm than good.
The renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” This quote reminds us that we are not defined by our past experiences. We have the power to choose how we respond to them and how we move forward.
By acknowledging our pain, allowing ourselves to feel our emotions, seeking support when needed, and practicing forgiveness, we can start to heal from our past in a healthy and sustainable way.
It’s okay to seek help. You don’t have to do this alone. There are countless resources available, from therapy and counseling services to self-help books and online communities.
Healing might not be easy, but it is possible. And you are capable of it. Don’t let your past dictate your future. You are more than your pain. You are strong. You are resilient. And you are deserving of happiness and peace.
