Minh Tran
If someone showers you with affection, you might think they’re head over heels. If they suddenly pull away, you’d assume they’ve lost interest.
This is the surface level of romantic interactions.
But, like the human mind, love is complex and often confusing. It requires a keen eye and a deep understanding to see the subtleties of someone’s true intentions.
Especially when it comes to love bombers.
Now, I’ve observed some common patterns throughout years of studying relationships. And I’ve come up with a list of 8 things every love bomber tends to do at the end of a relationship.
Stay tuned as we dive deeper into the intricacies of these emotionally intense individuals.
1) Overwhelming affection becomes cold withdrawal
Love bombers are notorious for their intense expressions of love.
One minute, they’re showering you with compliments, gifts, and attention, making you feel like you’re the center of their universe. The next, they’re as cold as ice, withdrawing all their affection and leaving you wondering what went wrong.
This sudden shift is unsettling, confusing and often, deeply hurtful. You find yourself questioning everything that happened before: Was it all a facade? Were their feelings even real?
But remember, this emotional rollercoaster is not a reflection of your worth or your actions. It’s a manipulative tactic often used by love bombers to control the dynamics of a relationship.
Take a deep breath. Recognize what’s happening. And remember: you deserve consistent, respectful love—not a game of hot and cold.
2) They start playing the blame game
In my personal experience, I’ve noticed that love bombers often resort to blaming others when things go south.
I remember my first encounter with a love bomber. Everything was going great until we hit a rough patch. Suddenly, all the charm vanished and I found myself at the receiving end of constant criticism and blame.
“It’s your fault we’re fighting,” he’d say. “You never understand me.”
This was confusing and heartbreaking, especially since he was the one who’d always insisted on how perfectly we understood each other before. The sudden shift was hard to digest.
It took me a while to realize that this blame game was just another manipulative tactic to make me feel guilty and question my self-worth.
Looking back, I wish I’d recognized these signs earlier. But now, I hope my experience can help others see through this toxic behavior and stand up for themselves. Remember, it’s not about who’s right or wrong, but about respect and understanding in a relationship.
3) They’ll ghost you, then suddenly reappear
Love bombers have a knack for disappearing without a trace, only to pop back into your life when you least expect it. This unsettling behavior is actually rooted in psychology.
Intermittent reinforcement – the act of alternating between rewarding and punishing behavior – is a powerful manipulation tool. It keeps the victim on their toes, constantly craving the love bomber’s approval and attention.
So, when a love bomber ghosts you, it’s not because they’ve lost interest. It’s a strategic move to make you crave their affection and feel relieved when they finally reappear.
Remember, relationships should be about consistent love and respect, not mind games and manipulation.
4) They’ll make you feel guilty for their actions
Love bombers are masters of emotional manipulation, and one of their favorite tools is guilt.
When things start to go downhill in the relationship, they’ll twist the narrative in such a way that their actions, however hurtful or harmful, seem like they’re your fault.
“You made me do this,” they’ll say, or “If only you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way.”
This kind of blame shifting is not only unjust but also highly destructive. It’s designed to make you question your own actions and feelings, undermining your self-esteem and keeping you under their control.
Always remember that each person is responsible for their own actions. You are not to blame for someone else’s poor behavior or emotional outbursts.
5) They’ll make everything about themselves
In my experience with love bombers, I noticed that they have a tendency to turn every situation around to focus on themselves.
I remember one instance where I was having a tough day at work. I was hoping for some comfort and understanding. But instead of lending a listening ear, the person I was dating started talking about their own problems, completely disregarding my feelings.
It felt as though my emotions were being sidelined, and this pattern continued throughout our relationship. Every time I needed support, the conversation would somehow circle back to them.
This is a classic trait of love bombing. By making everything about them, they’re essentially minimizing your feelings and experiences. It’s their subtle way of maintaining control and keeping the focus on their needs.
Remember, a healthy relationship involves mutual support and understanding. Your feelings matter just as much as theirs.
6) They’ll become overly apologetic
While it might seem like a positive trait, an excessive amount of apologies from a love bomber can be a red flag.
When the relationship starts to crumble, they might begin to apologize profusely for every little thing, even when it’s not their fault. This may seem like they’re taking responsibility for their actions, but it’s usually just another manipulation tactic.
These constant apologies are designed to make you feel guilty and responsible for their emotional state. They may even use them as a tool to avoid real change or improvement in their behavior.
Remember, sincere apologies are valuable in a relationship. But when they’re used excessively and insincerely, it’s just another form of emotional manipulation.
7) They’ll make grand gestures to win you back
When a love bomber senses that the relationship is on the verge of ending, they might resort to grand gestures as a last-ditch effort to keep you around.
This could be anything from extravagant gifts and surprise trips, to public declarations of love and heartfelt promises of change.
These gestures might seem romantic and genuine at first glance. But more often than not, they’re just another tool in the love bomber’s arsenal, used to regain control and keep you in their grasp.
Remember, real change takes time and consistent effort. Grand gestures can’t make up for a pattern of toxic behavior.
8) They’ll promise to change
Perhaps the most common thing a love bomber will do at the end of a relationship is promising to change. They’ll recognize their faults, admit their mistakes, and swear they’ll become a better person for you.
However, it’s crucial to remember that actions speak louder than words. Promises of change are meaningless unless they’re backed up by consistent behavior over time.
Don’t fall for empty promises. Trust in demonstrated, sustained change. It’s the only true indicator of growth and improvement in a person’s character.
Final thoughts
If you’ve made it this far, you’ll hopefully have a clearer understanding of the manipulative tactics love bombers use at the end of a relationship.
Recognizing these signs is not about fostering distrust or cynicism in relationships. Rather, it’s about understanding the dynamics that foster toxicity and manipulation, and equipping ourselves with the knowledge to avoid such situations.
Being in a relationship with a love bomber can be a daunting experience. But remember, their actions reflect their own issues and insecurities, not your worth.
As esteemed psychoanalyst Carl Jung once said, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”
So take this knowledge, reflect on it, and use it to foster healthier relationships. You deserve love that is consistent, respectful, and devoid of manipulation. Always remember that.
