People who were never taught how to share as children usually display these 7 subtle behaviors in adulthood

I still remember the day my mother sat me down and taught me about the importance of sharing. “It’s not just about the toys,” she said, “it’s about learning to live with others, to compromise and to consider their feelings too.”

Fast forward to adulthood, and I’ve often wondered how different things might have been if I hadn’t had that talk. What if I, or anyone else for that matter, was never taught the virtue of sharing as a child?

Intriguing, isn’t it?

You see, certain behaviors in adulthood can actually be traced back to our childhood experiences. And yes, that includes how well we learned (or didn’t learn) to share.

Let’s get to the crux of the matter.

Ever come across adults who seem to behave a little ‘off’? A bit self-centered, not too considerate, or maybe even a tad unapproachable?

It might not be glaringly apparent, but these could be subtle signs of someone who wasn’t taught to share as a child.

So if you’ve ever thought, “What are some subtle behaviors displayed by adults who never learned to share?” then keep reading.

In this piece, we’ll explore seven such behaviors. Keep in mind that understanding these can help foster empathy and compassion in our relationships – a key ingredient for self-improvement and mindfulness.

Stay tuned!

1) Difficulty in compromising

Ever met someone who just can’t seem to meet you halfway?

Think about it.

They’re the ones who are always hell-bent on having things their way, with little to no room for compromise. It’s either their way or the highway.

Here’s the scoop.

This trait might be a subtle hint of an upbringing that lacked lessons in sharing.

Children who are taught to share learn early on that life isn’t always about getting what you want. They understand that sometimes, you have to give a little to gain a little.

But if they miss out on this crucial lesson, they might grow into adults who struggle with the concept of compromise. Their perspective remains rigidly self-focused, making it challenging to reach a middle ground in any situation.

Remember, recognizing such behavior isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about understanding where people might be coming from and how we can better communicate and coexist with them.

2) Overly protective of personal belongings

Now, let me share a personal story.

A few years back, I had this roommate, let’s call him John. John was an awesome guy, fun to hang out with and generally easy going. But there was one thing about him that struck me as odd.

John was extremely protective of his stuff.

I mean, we’re talking about a level of protection that was beyond your average ‘don’t touch my stuff’ scenario. Even everyday things like borrowing a charger or using his coffee mug seemed to make him uncomfortable.

At first, I thought it might just be a quirk, but then I stumbled upon this idea: Could this behavior be linked to his childhood experiences of sharing?

As it turns out, John was an only child and confessed that he rarely had to share anything growing up. This had subtly translated into a possessiveness over his belongings in adulthood.

This experience made me realize that being overly protective of personal belongings could indeed be a sign of someone who wasn’t taught to share during their formative years.

It’s not about blaming or judging—it’s about understanding the roots of such behaviors and navigating our relationships with empathy and awareness.

3) Struggling with generosity

Let’s talk about generosity. It’s a beautiful quality, isn’t it? The ability to give freely without expecting anything in return.

But I’ve noticed something interesting.

Some adults seem to have a hard time with this concept. It’s not that they’re stingy or unkind, far from it. It’s just that the act of giving without receiving seems almost… foreign to them.

Take my friend, Lily, for example. She’s one of the most caring and considerate people I know. But when it comes to being generous, she struggles.

I remember a time when we were out having dinner together. The waiter accidentally brought an extra portion of dessert. When I suggested giving it to the homeless man we had seen earlier outside the restaurant, Lily seemed uncomfortable.

It wasn’t that she didn’t care about the man’s plight. But the idea of giving away something ‘extra’ that we had received by chance seemed to unsettle her.

After some heartfelt conversations, Lily confessed she was never really taught to share as a child. And this lack of early learning had subtly influenced her approach towards generosity in adulthood.

The point is not to judge or criticize Lily or anyone else who might exhibit similar behavior. Rather, it’s about understanding how our childhood experiences can shape our adult behaviors in ways we might not even realize.

4) Difficulty working in teams

Let’s dive into the professional sphere for a moment.

Have you ever had a co-worker who always seems to prefer working alone? Someone who shies away from group projects or team-based tasks?

This could be more than just an introverted personality trait.

Children who are taught to share learn about teamwork early on. They understand that sharing tasks, ideas, and responsibilities is a crucial part of achieving a common goal.

But for those who missed out on this lesson, working in a team can be a daunting prospect. They may struggle to contribute their ideas freely or find it challenging to collaborate with others.

Like my former colleague, Max. He was brilliant at what he did but always seemed hesitant to engage in team projects.

Over time, I learned that Max was never encouraged to share as a child. This lack of early group dynamics translated into his discomfort with teamwork in adulthood.

Again, the goal here isn’t to label or judge anyone. Instead, it’s about acknowledging the profound impact our early lessons can have on our adult lives and finding ways to adapt and grow from there.

5) A tendency to dominate conversations

Picture this.

You’re at a social gathering, and there’s this person who just dominates every conversation. They talk incessantly about their lives, their experiences, their opinions, hardly leaving room for anyone else to contribute.

It might seem like they’re just being a chatterbox, but could there be more to it?

Here’s something fascinating.

According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, children who learn to share also learn to take turns. This includes not just sharing toys, but also sharing ‘conversation space.’

So, adults who were never taught how to share as children might subconsciously carry this habit into their conversations. They may struggle with the concept of ‘taking turns’ in a dialogue, often unintentionally dominating the conversation.

Understanding this can help us approach such situations with more patience and empathy. After all, our goal is to build bridges of understanding, not walls of judgement.

6) An aversion to borrowing or lending

Consider this scenario.

Your friend has an amazing book that you’ve been dying to read. You ask if you could borrow it for a week, and there’s a visible discomfort in their response. They’re not exactly saying no, but they’re not saying yes either.

Does that sound familiar?

This subtle aversion to borrowing or lending can be traced back to a lack of sharing lessons in childhood.

When we teach children to share, we instill in them the trust and understanding that what goes around comes around. It’s okay to lend your favorite toy because you’ll get it back. It’s okay to borrow your friend’s crayons because you’ll return them.

But without these lessons, the idea of borrowing or lending can create anxiety in adulthood.

I have a friend who experiences this. She never understood why until we delved deeper into her childhood experiences. It was a revelation for her and helped her understand and work through her feelings.

Remember, it’s all about empathy and understanding. No behavior is inherently ‘bad.’ Instead, it’s often a reflection of our past experiences and the lessons we learned (or didn’t learn) along the way.

7) A struggle with empathy

The ability to empathize, to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, is a deeply human trait.

But here’s the thing.

People who weren’t taught to share as a child often struggle with this.

Sharing teaches kids that their actions affect others. When they share their toys, they see the happiness it brings to their friends. They begin to understand and appreciate the feelings of others.

Without these lessons, developing empathy can be a challenge in adulthood.

That’s not to say they can’t be empathetic or kind. Far from it.

It’s just that understanding and relating to the emotions of others might not come as naturally to them. It may require conscious effort and understanding.

And as with everything else we’ve discussed, it’s not about labeling or judging. Rather, it’s about recognizing these subtle signs and understanding their roots, helping us navigate our relationships with more understanding and compassion.

Moving forward

Recognize some of these behaviors in yourself or someone you know? It’s important to remember that these traits aren’t set in stone.

The beauty of life lies in its capacity for change and growth. If we weren’t taught to share as children, it doesn’t mean we can’t learn this skill in adulthood.

It all starts with awareness. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards understanding ourselves or others better. From there, we can consciously work on incorporating sharing and empathy into our adult lives.

And remember, it’s not about blaming our past or feeling guilty for our upbringing. Parents do the best they can with what they know at the time. The focus here is on personal growth and self-improvement.

So, let’s use this knowledge as a stepping stone to a more mindful future. Let’s strive for a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.

And above all, let’s remember that it’s never too late to learn how to share, empathize, and connect with others on a profound level.