People who grew up masking their true feelings usually exhibit these 7 behaviors as adults, according to psychology

For years, I didn’t even realize I was doing it.

Hiding my true feelings. Saying I was “fine” when I wasn’t. Smiling when all I wanted to do was shut down.

Looking back, it’s clear why—I grew up believing that showing emotions made me weak or burdensome. So, I learned to suppress them. To push everything down and keep going.

But here’s the thing: when you spend your childhood masking your true feelings, it doesn’t just disappear when you become an adult. It shapes the way you think, interact, and respond to the world—often in ways you don’t even notice.

As a longtime psychology enthusiast, I’ve come to recognize the subtle but powerful ways this pattern shows up in adulthood. And if you grew up doing the same thing, chances are, you’ll relate to these seven behaviors.

Let’s dive in.

1) They struggle to identify their own emotions

For a long time, I didn’t actually know what I was feeling—I just knew when something felt “off.”

Growing up masking my emotions meant I never really learned how to recognize them. Instead of acknowledging sadness, frustration, or even joy, I’d brush it off and move on. It became second nature to disconnect from what was happening inside me.

Psychologists call this emotional suppression, and over time, it makes it harder to even name what you’re feeling. Instead of saying, “I feel anxious,” you just feel restless. Instead of recognizing sadness, you just feel numb.

If this sounds familiar, one way to start reconnecting with your emotions is through mindfulness. Take a moment throughout the day to pause and ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” You don’t have to fix or change it—just notice it.

The more you do this, the easier it becomes to understand your emotions rather than automatically pushing them away.

2) They prioritize other people’s emotions over their own

For most of my life, I thought being “easygoing” was a good thing. I told myself I didn’t really care where we ate, what movie we watched, or how other people treated me. As long as everyone else was happy, I was fine.

But the truth? I wasn’t fine. I had just spent so many years tuning out my own emotions that I automatically put other people’s feelings ahead of mine. If someone was upset, I felt responsible for fixing it. If conflict came up, I backed down immediately.

Psychologist Carl Jung once said, “The sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” But when you grow up masking your emotions, you learn to dim your own light to keep others comfortable.

It took me a long time to realize that my feelings mattered just as much as anyone else’s. If this resonates with you, start small—next time someone asks what you want, give an honest answer instead of defaulting to “I don’t mind.”

It’s not selfish to acknowledge your own needs; it’s necessary.

3) They feel guilty for expressing their needs

For the longest time, asking for anything—help, space, even just time to myself—felt wrong.

I’d hesitate before sending a simple request at work, worried I was being a burden. I’d over-apologize if I needed to reschedule plans. And if I ever did speak up about something that bothered me, I’d immediately downplay it: “But it’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.”

Looking back, it’s obvious why. Growing up, I learned that keeping my emotions to myself made things easier for everyone else. So, as an adult, anytime I expressed a need, guilt followed right behind it.

But here’s what I’ve come to understand: having needs doesn’t make you difficult or demanding—it makes you human. Learning to voice them, even in small ways, is a muscle you have to build.

If you struggle with this too, start by noticing when guilt creeps in. Then remind yourself: “My feelings and needs are just as valid as anyone else’s.” Because they are.

4) They struggle to set boundaries

For years, I thought saying “yes” to everything made me a good person.

Need a favor? Sure. Need someone to vent to for hours? Of course. Need me to drop everything and help, even when I was exhausted? No problem.

The truth was, I didn’t know how to say “no” without feeling guilty. I had spent so much time ignoring my own emotions that putting my needs first felt selfish. But constantly overextending myself only led to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion.

Research backs this up—studies show that people who struggle with emotional suppression often have difficulty setting boundaries. A study published in Emotion (2017) found that suppressing feelings can lead to increased stress and difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.

In other words, when you ignore your emotions, you’re more likely to let others overstep your limits. If this sounds familiar, start small. Practice saying “Let me think about it” instead of automatically agreeing to requests.

Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing people away—it’s about protecting your energy and well-being.

5) They bottle up emotions until they explode

For most of my life, I believed I was “calm” and “easygoing.” I rarely got angry, barely ever cried, and always kept my emotions in check.

At least, that’s what I thought.

But the reality was, I wasn’t calm—I was just really good at bottling things up. And like a shaken soda can, all those suppressed emotions had to go somewhere.

Every once in a while, something small would push me over the edge—a minor inconvenience, a slightly rude comment—and I’d suddenly feel overwhelmed by frustration or sadness that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Psychologists call this emotional suppression, and research shows it doesn’t just make you more likely to have emotional outbursts—it can also negatively impact your health.

A study published in Psychosomatic Medicine (2013) found that chronic emotional suppression is linked to higher stress levels and even an increased risk of cardiovascular issues.

If you relate to this, one thing that helped me was checking in with myself regularly instead of waiting for emotions to build up.

Try journaling or simply asking yourself, “What am I holding in right now?” The more you acknowledge your feelings in the moment, the less likely they are to explode later.

6) They struggle with self-identity

For a long time, I had no idea who I really was.

I wasn’t sure what I actually liked or disliked, what truly made me happy, or even what I wanted out of life. Instead, I just went along with whatever seemed expected of me.

If the people around me were into something, I convinced myself I was too. If someone asked for my opinion, I’d hesitate, scanning their face to figure out the “right” answer.

The reason? When you grow up masking your emotions, you learn to shape yourself around other people’s expectations. You become who you think you should be rather than who you actually are.

Psychologist Carl Rogers put it best: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” The problem is, when you’ve spent years suppressing your true feelings, self-acceptance feels almost impossible—because you don’t even know where to start.

What helped me was slowing down and paying attention to my own reactions. Instead of automatically agreeing or going with the flow, I started asking myself: “Do I actually enjoy this? Does this feel right for me?”

Over time, those small moments of honesty helped me reconnect with who I really was—without the mask.

7) They appear overly independent

It might seem like people who grew up masking their emotions would be overly dependent on others. But often, the opposite happens—they become too independent.

For years, I prided myself on handling everything alone. I never asked for help, never leaned on anyone emotionally, and convinced myself I didn’t need support. If something was bothering me, I kept it to myself. If life got hard, I pushed through it in silence.

At the time, I thought this made me strong. But in reality, it was just another way of masking my emotions—by shutting people out completely.

Psychologists call this compensatory independence—a defense mechanism where people who couldn’t express their emotions growing up learn to rely only on themselves as adults.

The problem? No one is meant to go through life alone, and refusing support only leads to deeper feelings of isolation.

If this sounds like you, here’s something simple to try: next time you’re struggling with something even if it’s small, reach out to someone you trust and talk about it.

It doesn’t have to be a deep conversation—just letting someone in, even a little, can be a powerful step toward unlearning the habit of emotional self-reliance.

Conclusion: Learning to unmask your true self

If you grew up masking your emotions, it’s not your fault—but you can unlearn these patterns.

The first step? Awareness. Simply recognizing these behaviors in yourself is already a powerful shift. From here, start small:

– Check in with yourself daily. Ask, “What am I feeling right now?” Naming your emotions helps you reconnect with them.
– Practice setting boundaries. Saying “no” or expressing your needs isn’t selfish—it’s healthy.
– Let people in. You don’t have to handle everything alone. Start by sharing something small with someone you trust.

Healing takes time, but every step you take toward authenticity is a step toward freedom. You deserve to live as your true self—without the mask.