Minh Tran
When someone goes out of their way to help you, it’s clear they’re kind-hearted.
But when they do it again and again, even at the expense of their own wellbeing, you begin to see they struggle with setting boundaries.
That’s the tricky part about understanding people.
However, if you look close enough, you’ll notice certain subtle behaviors that these warm-hearted, yet boundary-challenged individuals often exhibit.
And it’s these eight specific behaviors that we’re about to delve into.
Don’t worry, it’s not as complicated as it sounds. In fact, once you get to know these behaviors, you’ll start seeing them everywhere. And who knows? You might even recognize some within yourself.
So let’s get started, shall we?
1) Excessive worrying over others
Kindness is as pure as it gets.
It flows from the heart, without any expectation of a return, and once you give kindness, there’s an inner satisfaction that’s hard to describe. You just know you’ve done something good.
But for those kind-hearted souls who struggle with setting boundaries, it’s a bit more complicated.
Their kindness often extends into the realm of excessive worrying about others, even when it’s not necessary or helpful.
They’re constantly concerned about whether others are okay, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.
They lose sleep over other people’s troubles and feel a personal responsibility to make things right.
It’s like they’ve taken on the weight of the world, and they can’t seem to put it down.
If you find yourself worrying excessively about everyone around you, chances are you’re a kind-hearted person who struggles with setting boundaries.
Sound familiar? Well, this is just the beginning. Let’s move onto the next behavior.
2) Saying ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no’
Sometimes, kindness gets the best of us.
I remember a time when a friend asked me to help him move. It was a weeknight, and after a full day of work, all I wanted to do was unwind. But I couldn’t say ‘no’.
I knew he was in a tight spot and needed help. So, even though I was exhausted and craved some me-time, I said “yes”. I ended up spending the entire evening helping him pack and move.
That’s what kind-hearted people who struggle with setting boundaries often do.
We say “yes” when we really want to say “no”. We stretch ourselves thin and overlook our own needs in an attempt to help others.
It’s not that we don’t want to help—it’s just that sometimes, we need to prioritize ourselves, too. But setting that boundary can be incredibly difficult for us.
That’s why it’s essential to recognize this behavior and work towards creating healthier boundaries. Remember, it’s okay to say “no” sometimes.
3) Struggling with guilt when prioritizing themselves
Self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. But for those who are kind-hearted and struggle with setting boundaries, this concept often feels foreign.
They tend to prioritize others’ needs and wants over their own, and when they finally do take some time for themselves, they’re plagued by guilt.
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It’s as if they’ve committed a crime by choosing to take care of their own wellbeing.
Here’s something that might surprise you: A study found that people who struggle with setting boundaries often experience high levels of guilt and anxiety.
This isn’t just about feeling a little bad—it can seriously impact mental health. So if you find yourself feeling guilty for prioritizing your own needs, it might be time to start working on those boundaries.
4) Overextending themselves to maintain harmony
Peace and harmony are admirable goals. We all want to live in a world where people get along and conflicts are few and far between.
But for kind-hearted people who struggle with setting boundaries, maintaining harmony often comes at a high personal cost.
They’ll go above and beyond, overextend themselves, and even sacrifice their own happiness to ensure the peace is kept.
This isn’t about the occasional compromise—that’s a normal part of any relationship. This is about consistently putting others’ comfort above your own, even when it’s not fair or necessary.
If you find yourself bending over backward to avoid conflict or keep the peace, you might be struggling with setting boundaries.
It’s essential to remember that it’s okay to stand up for yourself and your needs. After all, your feelings matter too.
5) Feeling responsible for others’ happiness
We all want those we care about to be happy. It’s a natural instinct. But there’s a line between caring about others’ happiness and feeling responsible for it.
I’ve noticed that I often cross this line. When a friend is upset or a family member is going through a tough time, I feel it’s my duty to cheer them up.
I’ll drop everything I’m doing and focus all my energy on making them feel better.
But the truth is, I’m not responsible for everyone else’s happiness. It’s a hard lesson to learn and an even harder one to put into practice. But it’s crucial for maintaining healthy boundaries.
So if you, like me, often find yourself feeling responsible for the happiness of others, remember this:
You can be there for someone without shouldering their emotional burden. It’s okay to be supportive without losing yourself in the process.
6) Giving advice even when it’s not asked for
We often think of advice as a helpful tool, something we offer to guide others through a tough situation.
But here’s the thing: kind-hearted people who struggle with setting boundaries often give advice even when it’s not asked for.
It might be driven by a genuine desire to help, but sometimes, it’s not about finding a solution. Sometimes, people just want to be heard and understood.
If you find yourself giving advice more often than not, you might want to take a step back.
Remember, it’s okay to just listen. Not every problem needs to be solved right away, and sometimes, the best support you can offer is a kind ear and a shoulder to lean on.
7) Experiencing difficulty in saying “no”
The word “no” is a powerful tool in setting boundaries. But for those with kind hearts who struggle with boundary-setting, this word can be one of the hardest to say.
They fear disappointing others, causing conflict, or appearing selfish.
So, they often agree to things they’d rather not, or find themselves overcommitted because they couldn’t turn down a request.
If you often find yourself saying “yes” when you really mean “no”, it’s a clear sign you’re having difficulty setting boundaries.
Remember, saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you a person who respects their own time and energy. And that’s something to be proud of.
8) Feeling drained from constantly caring for others
The most telling sign of a kind-hearted person struggling with boundaries is feeling perpetually drained.
When you’re constantly caring for others, putting their needs above your own, and carrying their emotional burdens, it’s bound to take a toll on you.
Feeling tired, stressed, and emotionally exhausted more often than not is a clear indication that your boundaries need work.
Remember, it’s okay to care for others, but not at the cost of your own wellbeing. Your energy and emotional health are valuable, and it’s important to protect them.
After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Embracing the journey of self-care
If you’ve come this far, it’s clear that you’re either a kind-hearted person struggling to set boundaries, or someone who cares about understanding these individuals better.
Either way, this journey of understanding is a crucial step towards improved emotional health.
Remember, setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re selfish or uncaring. It means you understand your own worth and the importance of self-care.
As Audre Lorde, a renowned writer and civil rights activist, once said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
So take a moment to reflect on this: Are you setting healthy boundaries in your life? Are there behaviors you need to reassess?
Being kind-hearted is a beautiful trait. But don’t forget that you too deserve the kindness that you so freely give to others.
And setting boundaries—though challenging—is a vital part of that process.
So here’s to embracing the complex journey of self-care. After all, it’s not just about being kind to others—it’s also about being kind to yourself.
