Lachlan Brown
Life can feel heavy sometimes. Between endless to-do lists, emotional ups and downs, and the pressure to “keep it all together,” it’s easy to lose that sense of calm we crave.
At times, I’ve found myself caught in destructive cycles without even realizing it—habits that seemed small on the surface but were actually weighing me down inside.
The good news is, there are clear habits we can break to lighten our emotional load and feel more at ease.
Here are five that stand out for me—habits I’ve personally worked hard to let go of and have seen tremendous results from doing so.
1. Constantly living in the past
It took me a while to notice how often I was replaying old mistakes or reliving hurtful memories. My mind would latch onto them, turning them over like old VHS tapes stuck on repeat.
The result? A lingering sense of guilt or regret that dampened my mood and overshadowed my present.
But here’s the thing: dwelling on past events doesn’t change a thing about them. It only keeps you stuck in a loop of what could have been different.
The Dalai Lama famously said, “We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” If we can’t accept our own pasts, how can we feel a sense of peace in the now?
Research supports the idea that rumination (constantly rehashing negative past experiences) is closely linked to increased levels of anxiety and depression.
So, how do you break this pattern? Start by acknowledging that the past is unchangeable, but the lessons you glean from it are always yours to keep. Recognize those lessons, apply them going forward, and resist the urge to give past mistakes more airtime than they deserve.
2. Overcommitting and people-pleasing
Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” way more than you should—just to avoid disappointing someone? That was me for years. From taking on extra tasks at work when I was already drowning in projects, to helping out with family obligations even though I was behind on my own priorities, I was a chronic over-committer.
The weight of these constant obligations was enormous. I ended up depleted and resentful, no matter how much I genuinely cared about the people I was trying to help. Ironically, trying not to disappoint anyone made me disappoint myself.
A crucial shift happened when I realized that saying “no” doesn’t make me selfish or unkind. It makes me honest about my own limits.
As the renowned researcher Brené Brown has said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” That’s the key: establishing boundaries is a form of self-respect.
If you’re in the habit of people-pleasing, remember that your time and energy are finite. Saying “yes” to something means saying “no” to something else—often your own well-being.
Start by noticing patterns where you stretch yourself too thin. Then, practice the art of a kind but firm “no” before you reach your breaking point. Trust me, you’ll feel lighter knowing you’re not constantly performing emotional acrobatics to please everyone around you.
3. Negative self-talk
This is a big one. I used to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and instantly criticize my own reflection.
My inner voice sounded something like, “You look exhausted. Did you really think you could handle that project? You’re behind again, aren’t you?” It was harsh, unkind, and surprisingly automatic. Before I even realized it, I’d start the day with a heavy heart.
This sort of constant self-criticism can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being.
However, there’s no shortcut here. Shifting from negative self-talk to compassionate self-talk is a process. One practical exercise that helped me was writing down the negative scripts I had on repeat, then challenging them. For example, if I wrote, “I always mess up at work,” I’d counter it with an objective viewpoint like, “I have succeeded in finishing multiple projects before; I’m capable, just stressed right now.”
Over time, this intentional rewriting of internal dialogues can create a kinder, more supportive inner voice.
4. Holding onto grudges
It’s strange how easy it is to hold onto anger, even when we know it’s hurting us more than the person who wronged us, right?
There was a time I would bring up an old betrayal every time something reminded me of it. Talk about emotional baggage! The bitterness kept me stuck in a cycle of negativity.
A friend once pointed me to a quote often attributed to Buddha: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” As dramatic as it sounds, it rings true. Clinging to a grudge keeps you locked in a toxic emotional space, often long after the other person has moved on.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was okay. Instead, it’s about accepting that it happened and choosing not to let it dominate your thoughts any longer.
Research backs up the benefits. Studies have found that people who are more forgiving have lower levels of anxiety and depression, and an overall higher satisfaction with life. Sounds good, right?
If forgiveness feels too big a step at first, try just releasing a little of that anger at a time. Write down the reason you’re upset, then look at it with fresh eyes. Ask yourself, “How is this grudge serving me?” or “Would letting go of this pain bring me more peace?”
By gradually loosening the grip on resentment, you’ll create more space for calm in your life.
5. Chasing perfection
To wrap things up, here’s a habit that can masquerade as ambition or drive, but in reality, it’s a heavy burden: the chase for perfection.
I used to think that if I just worked harder, got things 100% right every time, and never stumbled, then I’d feel at peace. Let me tell you, it’s a recipe for chronic stress. Experts even note that it is associated with depression.
When I finally began to accept that mistakes are part of the journey, I felt a massive weight lifted. My productivity improved because I wasn’t paralyzed by fear of failure. My relationships also grew stronger because I became more open, vulnerable, and relatable.
A quick tip: set realistic goals instead of perfect ones. If you’re aiming to improve at something (your job, a hobby, a skill), define what “better” looks like rather than “flawless.” Embrace the occasional stumbles as necessary steps in your growth. Progress, not perfection, is where emotional freedom lies.
Final words
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from founding this site, it’s that personal transformation is a continuous journey rather than a single destination.
Breaking free from destructive habits is an ongoing process, and each small step counts. When you let go of what holds you back—from old resentments to impossible standards—you open a door to a calmer, more emotionally fulfilling life.
So take a moment today to check in with yourself. Which of these five habits are you still holding onto? Give yourself permission to start letting them go.
Your future self, lighter and calmer, will thank you.
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