If you can’t remember the last time you looked in the mirror and smiled, it might be time to say goodbye to these 7 self-critical thoughts

For years, I was my own worst critic.

No matter what I did, that little voice in my head always found a way to tear me down.

I’d look in the mirror and instantly focus on everything I didn’t like.

I’d replay awkward conversations from years ago. I’d convince myself I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or successful enough.

And honestly? It was exhausting.

As the founder of Hack Spirit and a longtime psychology enthusiast, I’ve spent years exploring ways to quiet the mind and cultivate self-acceptance.

One thing became clear: The way we talk to ourselves matters.

If you can’t remember the last time you looked in the mirror and smiled, it might be time to let go of these seven self-critical thoughts:

1) Stop believing every negative thought you have

For the longest time, I thought every self-critical thought that popped into my head was true.

If my mind told me I wasn’t good enough, I believed it.

If it reminded me of past mistakes, I replayed them over and over; if it whispered that other people had it all figured out while I was struggling, I nodded along.

But here’s what I’ve learned: Just because a thought appears in your mind doesn’t mean it’s real.

Our brains are wired to focus on the negative—it’s a survival mechanism.

But in everyday life, this negativity bias just holds us back, keeping us stuck in cycles of doubt and self-criticism.

The key is to become aware of these thoughts without letting them control you.

Start noticing when your mind feeds you negativity, and remind yourself that not every thought deserves my trust.

2) Stop defining yourself by your past mistakes

For years, I let my past define me.

I’d replay old failures in my head like a broken record—conversations I messed up, opportunities I missed, relationships I ruined.

It felt like proof that I wasn’t good enough and never would be.

One memory, in particular, haunted me: A job interview I completely bombed.

I was nervous, stumbled over my words, and left feeling like a total failure.

For months afterward, whenever I thought about applying for another job, my mind would remind me: Why bother? You’re just going to mess it up again.

Eventually, I came across a quote from psychologist Carl Jung that hit me hard: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

That’s when it clicked—my past didn’t have to dictate my future.

The mistakes I made were just lessons, not life sentences.

Instead of letting past failures hold me back, I started asking myself: What can I learn from this and how can I grow from it?

When I shifted my mindset, my confidence slowly started to return.

3) Stop comparing yourself to everyone else

There was a time when I couldn’t scroll through social media without feeling terrible about myself.

I’d see people my age traveling the world, landing dream jobs, or settling into perfect relationships—and there I was, stuck in a job I didn’t love, feeling completely lost.

The more I compared myself to others, the worse I felt.

It was like I was keeping score in a game I could never win.

But then I had a realization: I was only seeing the highlights of other people’s lives, not the full picture.

No one posts about their bad days, their insecurities, or the times they feel like a failure.

So, I made a shift.

Instead of measuring my life against someone else’s, I started focusing on my own progress.

I set small goals that mattered to me, celebrated my own wins (no matter how small), and reminded myself that everyone moves at their own pace.

4) Stop speaking to yourself in a way you wouldn’t speak to a friend

I used to say things to myself that I wouldn’t dream of saying to anyone else:

“You’re not good enough.”

“You always mess things up.”

“Why can’t you be more like other people?”

If a friend came to me feeling down, I’d never respond with, “Yeah, you’re right—you really are a failure.”

So why was I so quick to talk to myself that way?

It turns out, the way we speak to ourselves really matters.

When I learned this, I started making a conscious effort to change the way I talked to myself.

Rather than beating myself up for every mistake, I tried responding with kindness—like I would to a friend.

However, you don’t have to be overly positive, but you can be fair and compassionate with yourself.

5) Stop waiting until you feel “good enough” to take action

For a long time, I believed I had to feel confident before I could go after my goals.

I told myself I’d apply for a better job once I felt ready.

I’d start a new hobby once I wasn’t afraid of failing; I’d put myself out there socially once I was more interesting, successful, or attractive.

But that feeling of being “ready” never came.

The longer I waited, the more stuck I felt.

Then I realized something: Confidence doesn’t magically appear before you take action—it comes from taking action.

The first time I wrote an article for Hack Spirit, I had no idea if anyone would care.

I did it anyway and, when people responded positively, my confidence grew.

The same thing happened when I started working out, meeting new people, and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone.

Every small step forward made me feel more capable.

6) Stop seeking validation from others

For most of my life, I cared way too much about what other people thought of me.

I’d overanalyze every interaction, replaying conversations in my head, wondering if I had said the wrong thing.

I hesitated to share my opinions unless I was sure they’d be well received. And anytime someone criticized me—even gently—it felt like proof that I wasn’t good enough.

But the more I chased approval, the more exhausted I became.

No matter how hard I tried, there was always someone who didn’t like me, didn’t agree with me, or simply didn’t care.

That’s when it hit me—I was searching for validation in all the wrong places.

Instead of relying on others to make me feel worthy, I needed to start validating myself.

So, I began asking myself: Do I approve of my own choices? Am I living in a way that feels right to me?

When I focused on my values and opinions, rather than chasing external approval, I felt freer than ever before.

If you’re constantly seeking validation from others, remind yourself: No matter what you do, not everyone will approve of you—and that’s okay.

The only approval you truly need is your own.

7) Stop trying to be positive all the time

For the longest time, I thought the key to happiness was forcing myself to think positive no matter what.

If I felt anxious, I’d tell myself to “just stay positive;” if I was struggling, I’d try to push away any negative thoughts.

No matter how hard I tried, those feelings always came back—stronger than before.

Then I learned something counterintuitive: Constantly chasing positivity can actually make you feel worse.

Psychologist Susan David calls this “toxic positivity”—the belief that we should always be happy and avoid uncomfortable emotions.

In reality, however, suppressing negative feelings only amplifies them.

Instead of forcing yourself to be positive all the time, try something different: accept your emotions as they are. If you’re feeling anxious, acknowledge it.

If you’re frustrated, let yourself feel it without judgment.

You don’t need to be positive all the time—you just need to be honet with yourself.

Sometimes, that’s the most freeing thing of all.

Be kinder to yourself, starting today

Negative self-talk can feel automatic, but the good news?

You don’t have to believe everything your mind tells you.

Start small: Pick just one of these habits to work on—maybe it’s catching self-critical thoughts, letting go of comparisons, or simply speaking to yourself with more kindness.

When you slip back into old patterns (because you will), don’t beat yourself up.

Just notice it, reset, and keep going.

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but every time you challenge a negative thought, you take back control.

One day, when you look in the mirror, you just might find yourself smiling—without even trying.