9 happiness myths that might be making you miserable

We all want to be happy.

But what if some of the things we believe about happiness are actually making us miserable?

The truth is, a lot of common advice about happiness sounds good on the surface—but when you dig deeper, it doesn’t always hold up. Worse, some of these ideas can leave us feeling frustrated, stuck, or like we’re doing something wrong.

As someone who’s spent years exploring mindfulness and self-improvement, I’ve seen firsthand how these myths can get in the way of real happiness. So let’s clear them up.

Here are nine happiness myths that might be doing more harm than good—and what to focus on instead.

1) Happiness means always being positive

A lot of people think happiness is about always feeling good, staying positive, and never letting anything bring you down.

But the truth is, forcing yourself to be positive all the time can actually make you feel worse.

Denying difficult emotions doesn’t make them go away—it just buries them. And over time, that emotional buildup can lead to stress, frustration, and even burnout.

Real happiness isn’t about ignoring negativity. It’s about accepting the full range of human emotions and learning how to navigate them in a healthy way.

So instead of chasing constant positivity, try embracing whatever you’re feeling in the moment.

Ironically, allowing yourself to feel sadness, frustration, or anger when they arise can actually lead to deeper, more lasting happiness in the long run.

2) Success will make you happy

For years, I believed that if I just achieved my goals—made more money, built a successful business, and hit all the right milestones—I’d finally be happy.

And for a while, it seemed to work. Every achievement gave me a brief high, a sense of satisfaction. But it never lasted. Soon enough, I’d move the goalpost and tell myself, “I’ll be happy when I reach the next level.”

It took me a long time to realize that happiness doesn’t come from external success. Sure, accomplishments can feel great in the moment, but they’re not a lasting source of fulfillment.

What actually made the difference for me was learning to appreciate the present—finding joy in the process instead of constantly chasing the next big thing.

Because if happiness is always tied to some future achievement, you’ll never actually arrive.

3) Happiness is something you find

A lot of people think of happiness as something out there—something to search for, discover, or stumble upon when the time is right.

But studies have shown that circumstances only account for about 10% of our overall happiness. The rest comes from our mindset, habits, and how we interpret the world around us.

That means happiness isn’t something you find—it’s something you create. It’s built in the small moments, in how you respond to challenges, and in the way you choose to see your life.

Waiting for happiness to arrive someday only keeps it out of reach. Instead, focusing on what you can cultivate now makes all the difference.

4) Getting what you want leads to happiness

We often believe that once we have the perfect relationship, the dream job, or the ideal lifestyle, we’ll finally be happy. But Buddhism teaches something very different.

According to Buddhist philosophy, attachment is one of the biggest sources of suffering.

When we tie our happiness to external things—whether it’s money, status, or even love—we set ourselves up for disappointment. Because nothing stays the same forever.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how letting go of attachment can actually lead to more freedom and fulfillment.

When we stop chasing happiness in the form of external rewards, we create space for a deeper sense of peace and contentment.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals or desires—it just means that true happiness comes from within, not from what you achieve or acquire.

5) Being happy means you have it all figured out

It’s easy to assume that happy people have everything sorted out—that they’ve unlocked some secret to life that the rest of us are still trying to figure out.

But the truth is, no one has it all figured out. Uncertainty, doubt, and moments of struggle are part of being human. There’s no final destination where everything suddenly makes perfect sense and stays that way forever.

For a long time, I thought I needed to have clear answers before I could feel at peace. I believed that once I reached a certain level of understanding, happiness would naturally follow.

But the more I chased certainty, the more frustrated I became.

What actually brought me peace wasn’t figuring everything out—it was accepting that I never fully would. Happiness isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about being okay with not knowing and learning to embrace life as it unfolds.

6) You should always follow your passion

We’re often told that the key to happiness is to “follow your passion.”

The idea is that if you just find that one thing you truly love, everything else will fall into place.

But passion alone isn’t enough. In fact, blindly chasing passion can sometimes lead to frustration, burnout, or even disappointment.

Passions change over time, and not every passion needs to be turned into a career or life mission. Sometimes, forcing a passion to sustain you—financially or emotionally—can actually strip away the joy it once brought you.

Instead of obsessing over finding one passion to define your life, focus on curiosity, growth, and meaning. Happiness often comes from engagement and purpose, not just from doing what excites you in the moment.

7) Other people can make you happy

It’s natural to believe that the right person—a loving partner, supportive friends, or even family—can bring lasting happiness.

And while relationships are important, relying on others for happiness is a dangerous trap.

No one else can make you happy in a deep, lasting way. If your sense of fulfillment depends on someone else’s presence, approval, or behavior, you’re giving away control over your own well-being.

Healthy relationships can add to your happiness, but they shouldn’t be the source of it. Real happiness comes from within—how you see yourself, how you handle challenges, and how you cultivate inner peace.

When you find contentment on your own, relationships become even more fulfilling because they’re built on connection, not dependency.

8) Happiness is the ultimate goal

For a long time, I thought happiness was the goal—the thing we’re all supposed to strive for. After all, isn’t that what life is about?

But the more I chased happiness, the more it seemed to slip through my fingers. The pressure to be happy all the time made me feel like I was failing whenever I experienced stress, sadness, or frustration.

Eventually, I realized that chasing happiness as an ultimate goal wasn’t helping me—it was actually making me more anxious.

What made a real difference was shifting my focus toward meaning, growth, and presence.

Happiness isn’t something you achieve and hold onto forever. It comes and goes, just like every other emotion. But when you build a life filled with purpose and mindfulness, happiness becomes a natural byproduct—not something you have to constantly chase.

9) You’ll be happy when life is perfect

It’s easy to believe that happiness will come once everything falls into place—when you have the perfect job, the ideal relationship, or a life free from stress and problems.

But life will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, uncertainties, and moments of struggle. If happiness depends on everything being just right, it will always feel out of reach.

The key isn’t to wait for a perfect life—it’s to find joy within the imperfect one you already have.

Bottom line: Happiness isn’t what you think

Happiness isn’t a destination, a reward, or something you unlock once life finally falls into place. It’s not about forcing positivity, achieving success, or waiting for the right circumstances.

In many ways, happiness is about letting go—of expectations, of control, of the idea that things need to be perfect before you can truly enjoy your life. Buddhism teaches this well.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how releasing attachment can lead to a deeper sense of peace and fulfillment.

True happiness isn’t something you chase. It’s something you create in the present moment, in the way you engage with life as it is—not as you think it should be.