Eliza Hartley
If your mom calls you five times a day, you know she’s worried. If your dad still checks up on your finances, you know he’s concerned.
That’s the basics of parent-adult child dynamics.
But, things get complicated pretty quick. The bond between parents and their adult children is a tightrope walk, a delicate dance of respecting boundaries while maintaining closeness.
Many parents struggle with this. The key, though, could lie in these 8 specific boundaries.
If you’re a parent wanting a healthy bond with your grown-up kiddo, take heed. These boundaries aren’t just important. They’re essential to nurturing that relationship.
1) Privacy is paramount
Growing up means wanting your own space.
As we mature, we start craving privacy like never before. It’s a natural part of becoming an adult, and it’s a need that has to be respected.
For parents, this can be tough.
You’re used to knowing every little detail about your child’s life, from their favorite snacks to their weekday routine. But as they grow older, some things start to change.
Your child isn’t a child anymore. They’re an adult with their own life, their own responsibilities, and yes, their own secrets.
You may want to know everything, but it’s critical to respect their privacy. Knock before entering their room, even if it’s in your house. Don’t pry into their matters unless they invite you in.
It’s a small step, but it goes a long way in establishing that healthy bond.
2) Independence is non-negotiable
I remember when my daughter got her first job.
She was 22, fresh out of college, and as excited as a kid in a candy store. She couldn’t wait to start earning her own money and living life on her terms.
As a parent, I was proud but also a little worried. Would she be able to handle the pressures of the adult world? Would she make wise financial decisions? The urge to step in and guide her every move was strong.
But I held back.
I realized that this was her journey. She needed to make her own decisions, learn from her own mistakes. She wasn’t my little girl anymore; she was a grown woman making her way in the world.
Stepping back wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. It allowed her to grow and become independent. And in the end, it strengthened our bond because she knew I respected her autonomy.
Respect their independence, let them lead their own lives. It’s vital for a healthy bond with your adult child.
3) Adulting isn’t a walk in the park
Life as an adult is filled with responsibilities that can be overwhelming.
From bills and rent to work and relationships, everything suddenly becomes a juggling act. And let’s not even get started on taxes.
Did you know that in a recent survey, almost 60% of young adults admitted that they find ‘adulting’ to be a struggle?
It’s not surprising. The transition from adolescence to adulthood can be rocky.
As parents, it’s crucial to understand this. Instead of criticizing their struggles, offer support and understanding.
Remember, we’ve all been there. Empathy goes a long way in building a strong relationship with your adult child.
4) Their choices are their own
Everyone has a unique journey in life, including your adult child.
They might choose a career path you don’t understand, or they might decide to move across the country for a change of scenery. They might even adopt lifestyle choices that are radically different from yours.
As parents, these choices can be hard to swallow. We all want what’s best for our children, and it’s easy to think we know what ‘best’ looks like.
But here’s the thing: their life is their own. They have the right to make their own decisions, even if you don’t agree with them.
Respecting these choices is vital. It shows them that you trust their judgment and value their individuality. And that’s a cornerstone for a healthy parent-adult child relationship.
5) Letting go of the reins
As a parent, I’ve learned that sometimes, the best support you can give your adult child is to simply stand back.
I remember when my son wanted to move out for the first time. He was 20, eager to experience the world on his own terms. I was nervous, unsure if he was ready for such a big step.
But instead of holding him back, I let him go. I supported his decision, helped him pack, and saw him off with a smile.
Was it easy? Absolutely not. But was it necessary? Yes.
He needed to learn and grow on his own terms. And I needed to trust that I had raised him well enough to handle what life threw his way.
Remember, being supportive doesn’t always mean being involved. Sometimes, it means letting go and trusting their ability to navigate their own life.
6) Conflict isn’t always a bad thing
When it comes to relationships, we often think that harmony is the ultimate goal. But here’s a twist: conflict isn’t always a bad thing.
Even in the healthiest of relationships, disagreements can arise. Your adult child may have opinions and perspectives that differ from yours, and that’s okay.
Instead of avoiding conflict, encourage open discussion. It shows your child that their voice matters, that their opinions are valued.
Yes, it can be uncomfortable. Yes, it can be challenging. But it can also lead to deeper understanding, mutual respect, and ultimately, a stronger bond between you and your adult child.
7) Respect their relationships
As your child grows, they’ll form relationships outside the family circle. Friends, romantic partners, colleagues – these relationships play a significant role in shaping their adult life.
As parents, it’s important to respect these relationships. You might not always like their choice of friends or partners, but remember, it’s their choice to make.
Don’t criticize or belittle their relationships. Instead, show interest and be supportive.
Respecting their relationships not only strengthens your bond with your adult child but also gives them the confidence to navigate their social life effectively.
8) Love unconditionally
Above all, the most important thing to remember is to love your adult child unconditionally.
Whatever path they choose, whatever decisions they make, and whatever mistakes they stumble upon – be there for them. Show them that your love and support are unwavering.
This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they do. But it does mean that you love them for who they are, not for who you want them to be.
Unconditional love fosters trust, respect, and a bond that can withstand the test of time. It’s the most vital boundary of all.
Reflecting on the journey
If you’ve come this far, it’s clear that you’re invested in nurturing a healthy bond with your adult child. And that’s a beautiful thing.
Having a strong relationship with your adult child isn’t about control or dominance. It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and unconditional love.
It’s about recognizing that they’re not just your child, but also an individual with their own life, dreams, and struggles.
Parenting doesn’t stop when your child turns 18. It evolves, changes shape, and adapts to the new dynamic. It’s a lifelong journey, filled with moments of pride, joy, worry, and sometimes, heartbreak.
But in the end, it’s all worth it. Because there’s no greater joy than seeing your child grow into a confident, independent adult who still cherishes their bond with you.
So take a moment to reflect on your journey as a parent. Cherish the bond you have with your adult child. And remember – every step you take towards respecting their boundaries is a step towards a healthier, stronger relationship.
Isn’t that what we all strive for?
