Falling out of love happens to married couples more often than anyone is comfortable to admit. It never occurs overnight.
When people say that they woke up one day and stopped loving their partner, it’s more often the culmination of a long thought process and a series of unresolved misunderstandings.
For a lot of men, they don’t realize their wives have fallen out of love with them until it’s too late.
When that happens, two things can happen: either the relationship slowly dissolves and the marriage falls apart, or the couple can work hard together to fall back in love.
To succeed with the latter, a husband should find the right path to winning back his wife’s love.
Why People Fall Out Of Love
Falling in love makes you feel amazing: your brain produces happy hormones and neurotransmitters such as norepinephrine, dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin.
You build feelings of closeness and trust with another person – and that makes you feel good.
Psychology tells us that in order to fall in love, one person must move from independence towards interdependence.
Rather than needing only yourself to exist, you also need someone else to exist with you.
Some relationships can also become unhealthy when it evolves into dependence, or being unable to function without the other person.
In the healthiest scenario, falling in love happens in three steps:
Attraction: Something about the physical aspects of a potential partner appeals to your five senses and you are drawn to them.
Acceptance: Once attraction becomes mutual and moves past friendship, a deeper level of intimacy is built. You learn more about each other through social interactions, shared activities, and conversations.
Fulfillment: After completely accepting one another, both parties consciously work to meet the other’s needs and keep each other happy.
The process of falling out of love is a trip backwards.
Instead of moving towards interdependence, the passion and commitment disappears – the couple is returning to independence.
They stop meeting each other’s needs and negative behaviors begin to appear: selfish demands, angry outbursts, or disrespectful judgments.
Your brain also changes as you fall out of love. It begins the process of changing behaviors, forgetting connections, and altering your hormones and neurotransmitters.
When being with your partner stops feeling good, the reward centers of the brain stops signalling pleasure. This causes your brain to rewire itself.
At this point, your brain will start telling you that your partner is no longer a pathway to happiness.
You no longer feel good and your social judgment changes. You start to notice and pick on your partner’s flaws and irritating quirks.
But why does this phenomenon happen?
Falling out of love is a long, slow process – one you don’t often notice until you have a reason to look.
As your relationship goes on for a longer period of time, your love changes. The excitement from the early days fizzle out and gets replaced by calmer, comforting feelings.
Other challenges frequently cause relationship breakdowns as well.
People tend to fall out of love when difficult times test the relationship and they no longer see the best in each other.
Here are three common triggers that may cause people to fall out of love:
1. External stressors
Even if your relationship begins smoothly, external stressors can cause a lot of pressure.
Outside sources such as past partners, unwelcoming families, financial issues, unexpected illnesses, traumas, and other losses can strain both partners in different ways.
Partners can have different reactions or coping mechanisms for these stressors, which the other might not approve of.
2. Internal conflicts
Internal conflicts are the tensions within the relationship. As couples bring their unique histories and personalities together, they may discover that they are not equal to each other.
Many couples also suffer from communication problems and encounter periods of disharmony. During this time, fighting and repeated arguments often precede the breakup itself.
3. Wrong reasons
Some people fall out of love because they never fell in love for the right reasons to begin with. Maybe they jumped into a relationship to fulfill their physical needs like sexual intimacy.
Other people also marry without love to gain social acceptance from others or to start their own family.
While the love these people experience might not be any less passionate or meaningful, the relationship’s foundation can be on shakier ground.
What Wives Want In A Marriage
Marriages are susceptible to out-of-love periods. When two people are committed to each other for a long time, they have to face numerous life changes and problems together.
Children, careers, finances, aging parents, and other factors can complicate what was once a light and easy relationship.
Women, in particular, carry a large share of the burden.
Marriage transforms women by assigning them new roles: wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, and mother. Society doesn’t require men to live up to these expectations the same way.
Even though some of these traditions are less rigid now, many people still assume that the woman will take her husband’s last name and become part of his family.
The wife is usually the one who has to leave her parents and siblings behind. When husbands decide to change careers or move to a different place, wives have to cope with these changes.
These frustrations can build up over time, leaving women discontent and unsatisfied with their lives.
Husbands may also fall short of their written and unwritten commitments, which can worsen the situation.
In cases like this, it becomes more likely that a woman falls out of love with her husband and the life they share together.
So what do women really want in a marriage? Here are 7 things every wife needs:
Awareness isn’t just remembering special occasions like your anniversary or her birthday. It’s also not about reading her mind, like most people assume.
Husbands simply need to notice things, like she had a hard day and wants someone to listen to her vent.
Husbands have to know their wives’ preferences and move accordingly before she asks.
A marriage is a partnership – especially when it comes to parenting. After all, she wasn’t solely responsible for bringing your kids into the world (although she did do much more).
Wives want their husbands to actively take care of their children and see to their needs with kindness.
When you list down everything your wife does for you, your kids, and your household everyday, you’ll find that the list is very long.
Husbands should always take time to thank their wives and avoid taking what their wife does for granted.
Respect is a key ingredient to love – it is the back and forth routine of giving your partner what they need.
For example, husbands should let their wives know that the opinions she has are valuable.
Men should take time to discuss any major changes with their wives and carefully consider her advice, rather than making a decision by himself.
Sit back, turn off the TV, and listen – that’s what a husband should do when their wife is telling him about her day.
Women really want someone who will listen to them. Instead of jumping in to offer a solution immediately, encourage your wife to talk through her problems with you.
Wives are often expected to be their husbands’ cheerleaders so it only makes sense that their husbands support them in turn.
Women want a man who can share burdens with her, provide her support, cares about her health and well-being, and can communicate with her constantly about anything and everything.
There can be no love when there is no trust. A wife shouldn’t have to worry about her husband when he is staying out late.
Women want the security that her spouse is fully committed to her and their relationship. Happy wives are those who are confident that their husbands will never lie to them or disappoint them.
Common Mistakes Husbands Make Over Time Without Realizing It
It takes hard work and effort to maintain a loving relationship every day.
Some couples mistakenly believe that enjoying good years together means that the relationship will always be great.
However, time does not determine happiness – consistent actions, love, and dedication do.
With marriage comes a lifelong commitment to fulfilling these long-term expectations, so making mistakes is inevitable.
That being said, some husbands make it much harder for their wives to stay happy and in love.
In fact, the American Sociological Association found that women are more likely to initiate a divorce compared to men.
While some women prefer to suffer in silence and keep their feelings to themselves, husbands should exert more effort to keep their wives happy and satisfied in a relationship.
Some common mistakes male spouses make include:
Being reckless with money: When you get married, your financial resources are no longer exclusively yours. Recklessness with money or incurring debt will definitely not please your wife because it is your job to provide for her and keep her secure.
Failing to help at home: Expecting your wife to pick up after you and take care of your kids all by herself is a no-no.
You share a household so you split responsibilities fairly. If you really care about your wife’s well-being and happiness, you should step up without waiting for her to ask.
Letting romance die: Just because you are no longer newlyweds doesn’t mean you should let go of romance entirely.
Physical affection, compliments, and sweet notes or gifts even when there isn’t a special occasion will help you build stronger intimacy.
Keeping her from living her life: Many couples who love each other also benefit from time apart. This reinforces each spouse’s unique identity and lets them grow as individuals.
Don’t expect to be attached at the hip to your wife at all times – she should be free to build up her career and bond with her own circle of friends.
Not communicating properly: Communication is the key to everything: from resolving arguments to splitting up house chores.
Husbands who shut out their spouse from what they are thinking and feeling probably have confused and unhappy wives.
Always consult with your wife prior to a big decision and open up emotionally to her. She will appreciate your vulnerability because it shows you trust her.
Signs Your Wife Has Fallen Out of Love With You
When mistakes in a marriage build up over time, they become reasons for your wife to think that she might be better off alone than to continue with the relationship.
When this happens, your relationship could be headed for at least one of three destinations:
Infidelity: Your wife discovers someone else who can fulfill her needs.
Resignation: Your wife stays in the relationship due to an external glue like children, religious beliefs, financial incapability, or difficulty in getting a divorce – even if she is unhappy.
Divorce: When frustration leads your wife to anger, resentment, and withdrawal, she might prefer to split up with you entirely.
How would you know if your wife is unsatisfied and that your marriage is headed for trouble?
There are some signs you can watch out for that will help you figure out what the problem is before it escalates.
These signs are:
- She is constantly irritable around you.
- She doesn’t want to engage in physical intimacy, or there is nothing but physical intimacy.
- She stopped sharing with you about her day.
- She isn’t paying attention to you.
- She stopped catering to your needs.
- She refuses to argue with you anymore.
- She goes out a lot without you.
- She stopped spending time with you.
- She isn’t prioritizing your relationship.
- She has no enthusiasm anymore.
Winning Her Back: 10 Ways To Get Your Wife To Fall In Love With You Again
Q: My wife has fallen out of love with me. Is our relationship doomed?
A: No, your relationship is not doomed. As long as both of you commit the time and effort you need to fall back in love with each other, you’ll be able to make the marriage work and grow stronger than before.
Here are 9 ways to reignite your wife’s love for you:
1. End destructive communication patterns
If your wife is unhappy with you, it may be due to negative communication between the two of you.
The Pursuer-Distancer Pattern suggests that one spouse is the “pursuer” who is louder and complains increasingly about a lack of connection, while the “distancer” silently withdraws or puts up a defense.
This becomes an unhealthy push-and-pull that drives a wedge between the couple.
To help overcome this pattern, the pursuer should take a gentler stance while the distancer becomes more emotionally engaged.
2. Reconnect with who you were when you fell in love
It’s difficult for long-time couples to recall the giddy feelings they used to share because they have both changed and grown as individuals since then.
To find what you have lost, you should retrace your steps. Reminisce with your wife about what it was like when you first fell in love and think back on what qualities attracted you to one another in the first place.
3. Accept that you have to “fall in like” again first
Falling out of love doesn’t happen overnight so falling back in love won’t be easy either. Before you can begin to love again, you have to start by liking each other first.
Are there things you should forgive each other for?
What about unresolved issues and arguments?
These things have to get out of the way first so you can remember why you liked your spouse enough to marry them in the first place.
4. Consider sex and intimate touch as a way to build love
Physical affection produces oxytocin in your brain.
Oxytocin is a neuropeptide that promotes feelings of trust, devotion, or bonding.
Making an intentional effort to touch your spouse can help recapture the spark.
Although it’s difficult, physical closeness is crucial to rebuilding love and intimacy again.
Staying in touch with your desire and sexuality can help you feel closer to and more relaxed around your partner. Gestures of affection are a good place to start with this.
5. Don’t blame your wife for the distance
Blaming another person never ends well and your relationship will only suffer more if you play the blame game.
Even when it’s hard not to feel resentful towards your partner, you really have to be understanding if you want the relationship to continue.
Instead of being angry at your wife, you have to take on a more compassionate and honest attitude towards the situation. Learn how to tell each other what you need directly and respectfully.
6. Treat your wife with kindness
Kindness is the key to staying in love. By doing more loving actions and expressing yourself kindly to your wife, you will feel more in love with her.
Being consistently loving and generous towards your wife can soften her even in heated moments. She will move closer to you, while you increase your interest and attraction to her.
7. Try new experiences together
You are most in love when the experience is fresh and brand new. This is because you are more open and more interested in getting to know one another.
When things have become too boring and routine, you lose that sense of vitality and adventure
Exploring new things together can help revive the spark you have lost.
It could be something ordinary like visiting a new place for date night or something special like a backpacking trip to another country.
New interests and experiences will help keep your spirits up and find common ground to bond on.
8. Support her individual interests
At the end of the day, your wife is still her own person. She has her own needs, interests, and abilities she wants to explore.
And some of these might be the qualities that made you fall in love with her in the first place.
Give your wife the space she needs to thrive as a fulfilled individual. It’s much healthier to support her actively instead of imposing restrictions or exerting control based on your insecurities.
9. Share what you appreciate about her
Gratitude is an often overlooked part of marriage. After day-in and day-out of sharing a home together, you might have neglected to thank your wife along the way.
Take time to tell her that you appreciate everything she does for you and your household. If you’re not comfortable with this, you can also write everything down in a letter.
This will make her feel more loved and a little less taken for granted.
10. Check out the course Mend the Marriage
Another strategy is to check out that I highly recommend is a course called Mend the Marriage.
It’s by famous relationship expert Brad Browning.
If you’re reading this article on how to make your wife fall in love with you again, then chances are your marriage isn’t what it used to be… and maybe it’s so bad, that you feel like your world is falling apart.
You feel like all the passion, love, and romance have completely faded.
You feel like you and your partner can’t stop yelling at each other.
And maybe you feel that there’s almost nothing you can do to save your marriage, no matter how hard you try.
But you’re wrong.
You CAN save your marriage — even if you feel like your wife is falling out of love with you.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed. And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, “I love you” for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favor and watch this quick video from relationship expert Brad Browning that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world.
In this video, you’ll learn the 3 critical mistakes that most couples commit that rip marriages apart. Most couples will never learn how to fix these three simple mistakes.
You’ll also learn a simple, proven “Marriage Saving” method that makes marriage counsellors look like kindergarten teachers.
So if you feel like your marriage is about to take its last few breaths, then I urge you to watch this quick video.
Happy Wife, Happy Life: Tips To Keep Your Wife Content In Your Relationship
Every husband should ask how she can keep his wife happy and content.
Whether he just won her back or even if things are going great, a good husband should figure out how to sustain this positive momentum.
Some practical tips you can do to cherish your wife are:
- Spend uninterrupted time together: Couples tend to let go of alone time when life gets busy with chores, children, or careers. Always make sure to squeeze in a date night every week to strengthen your bond.
- Be a gentleman: Just because she is already married to you doesn’t mean you have an excuse to not act like a gentleman. Much like in your courtship days, do little things like holding doors open for her or helping her put on her jacket.
- Tell her how you feel about her: Saying “I love you” and “I appreciate what you do” frequently is very important. Some men say their wife already knows how they feel – and they probably do – but they would like to hear it said out loud anyway.
- Plan imaginative dates: Your wife is worth the trouble and the expense of planning special events, surprises, dates, trips, and stolen moments. It’s always a good time to bring out the creativity you had when you first asked her out. Romantic dates and sweet gestures will make her feel special.
- Learn her love language: Everyone has a love language: physical affection, quality time, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, or acts of service. By recognizing what expression of love your wife prefers, you will be able to show your love to her clearly and consistently.
Falling Back In Love Together
Marriage is a journey that is only fun if both of you have each other’s back completely. It’s a relationship that focuses more on giving rather than getting.
Once you master the art of unabashedly and unconditionally loving your spouse, you’ll both enjoy every moment with each other – till death do you part.