“Why are you so emotional?” 8 phrases people who have zero empathy often use (without realizing their impact)

We all know the power of words. Yet, sometimes we say things without realizing their impact, especially when it comes to empathy.

Take the phrase, “Why are you so emotional?” for instance. Seems harmless, right? But it can feel like a punch in the gut to someone who’s already feeling vulnerable.

You see, some phrases, often used innocently, can demonstrate a lack of empathy. And empathy, my friends, is crucial in keeping our relationships healthy and our conversations meaningful.

Let’s dive into 8 such phrases that people use without realizing their effect.

By the end of this article, you’ll know what to avoid saying to ensure your words are laced with understanding and compassion.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

It’s a phrase that we’ve all heard or even used at some point. “You’re too sensitive.” On the surface, it seems like a harmless comment, but it can be deeply damaging.

Imagine a scenario where someone is already feeling upset or vulnerable.

They’ve opened up to you about their feelings, and in response, you dismiss their emotions as an overreaction. It’s like saying that their feelings aren’t valid or important.

The problem with this phrase is that it lacks empathy. It doesn’t acknowledge the other person’s feelings; instead, it invalidates them.

Everyone has the right to feel their emotions deeply and express them openly. Dismissing someone’s emotions as an overreaction is not only hurtful but also damaging to the relationship.

So, next time you’re tempted to tell someone they’re too sensitive, take a step back.

Instead, try to understand where they’re coming from and validate their feelings – that’s what empathy is all about.

2) “It’s not a big deal”

I remember a time when I was going through a particularly tough patch at work. The stress was piling up, and I felt like I was sinking under the weight of it all.

One day, I confided in a close friend about my struggles, hoping for some comfort and understanding. But their response was, “It’s not a big deal, everyone deals with stress.”

That phrase hit me hard.

It made me feel like my struggles were insignificant and that I was overreacting. Instead of feeling understood, I felt dismissed.

Looking back, I realize that my friend probably didn’t mean to hurt me. They were trying to put things into perspective for me. But in that moment, what I needed was empathy.

Phrases like “It’s not a big deal” can unintentionally belittle someone’s feelings or experiences.

In this situation, acknowledging their struggle and offering support is the best course of action.

It might seem like a small change, but it can make a world of difference to someone who’s going through a tough time.

3) “I don’t see why you’re upset”

The human brain is wired to feel first and think second. 

So when you say, “I don’t see why you’re upset”, you’re negating a fundamental part of human nature: our emotions. This phrase suggests that the person’s emotional response is irrational or unfounded.

Rather than dismissing someone’s emotions because you can’t understand them, try stepping into their shoes.

Ask them to explain why they’re feeling the way they do. This approach not only shows empathy but also encourages open communication.

4) “You’ll get over it”

When someone’s going through a hard time, it’s common to reassure them that they’ll eventually get over it.

While this is usually true, the phrase “You’ll get over it” can come off as dismissive.

This statement assumes that time will magically heal all wounds, which isn’t always the case.

It also minimizes the person’s current pain and suffering, making them feel unheard and invalidated.

A more empathetic response could be, “I know you’re going through a tough time right now. I’m here for you.”

This acknowledges their pain and offers comfort and support, which is what they really need in that moment.

5) “It could be worse”

When someone is struggling, it’s tempting to remind them that things could be worse. We think we are helping them gain perspective, but what we’re really doing is invalidating their feelings.

Saying “It could be worse” suggests that their pain isn’t significant enough to warrant attention or sympathy.

That can be incredibly hurtful, especially when they’re already feeling low.

Instead of comparing their situation to something worse, acknowledge their pain. Let them know that it’s okay to feel upset, scared, sad, or whatever they’re feeling.

Empathy is about validating someone’s feelings, not measuring them against a yardstick of suffering. It’s an understanding heart, not a comparison chart, that brings comfort and connection.

6) “Just cheer up”

A few years ago, I lost someone very dear to me. The grief was overwhelming, and there were days when I struggled to find joy in anything. During that time, a well-meaning friend told me to “just cheer up.”

While they probably had the best intentions, that comment felt like a dismissal of my grief. It suggested that my sadness was a choice and that I could simply decide to be happy.

The reality is that emotions are not switches that can be turned on and off at will.

Telling someone to “just cheer up” is like telling them to stop feeling. It lacks empathy and understanding.

Next time you encounter someone who’s struggling with their emotions, resist the urge to tell them to “cheer up.”

Let them know that it’s okay to feel their feelings. Be there for them in their sadness. It’s through shared vulnerability that we connect on a deeper level.

7) “Get over it”

We’ve all heard it before, and maybe you’ve even said it yourself – “Get over it.” It’s a common phrase thrown around when someone seems to be dwelling on a negative experience or emotion.

However, telling someone to “get over it” can be very dismissive. It implies that they are choosing to wallow in their negative feelings and that they should simply move on.

But healing takes time. It’s not something that can be rushed or forced. Everyone processes things at their own pace.

Instead of telling someone to “get over it,” try offering your support and understanding. Let them know that you’re there for them, no matter how long it takes for them to heal.

8) “Stop crying”

Crying is a natural human response to emotional pain, sadness, or even joy. It’s a way for our bodies to release intense feelings.

So when we tell someone to “stop crying,” we are asking them to suppress their natural emotional response.

This can make the person feel ashamed of their emotions and may discourage them from expressing their feelings in the future.

Instead, if someone is crying, let them. Offer them a tissue, a comforting hand, or simply sit with them in silence.

This validates their feelings and shows them that it’s okay to express their emotions openly and honestly.

Remember, empathy is about understanding and sharing the feelings of others – and sometimes, that means letting the tears flow.

Final thoughts: It’s about connection

At the heart of it all, empathy is about connection. It’s about understanding another’s feelings as if they were your own. It’s a crucial element in our relationships and interactions, and yet, it’s one that we often overlook.

Phrases like “Why are you so emotional?” or “Just cheer up” might seem innocuous, but they can invalidate someone’s feelings and create a disconnect.

Let’s strive to be that someone for the people in our lives. Let’s replace dismissal with understanding, judgment with acceptance, and indifference with empathy.

Because at the end of the day, our words have the power to either isolate or connect. And isn’t connection what we’re all seeking?