7 unique qualities of people who refuse to settle for less than they deserve, according to psychology

For most of my life, I’ve been fascinated by what makes certain people stand out—those rare individuals who refuse to settle for less than they deserve. They’re the ones who seem to know their worth so deeply that they won’t compromise their happiness, relationships, or goals just to “make do.”

As a psychology enthusiast and founder of Hack Spirit, I’ve spent years exploring what drives human behavior, and I’ve noticed something fascinating: these people share some unique qualities that set them apart.

They’re not superhuman or lucky—they just live by principles rooted in self-awareness and an unshakable commitment to living authentically.

In this article, I’m going to break down 7 of these powerful qualities, backed by psychology, that can help all of us stop settling and start living the lives we truly deserve. Let’s dive in.

1) They know their worth

The first quality of people who refuse to settle is that they have an unshakable sense of self-worth.

This doesn’t mean they’re arrogant or think they’re better than anyone else. It simply means they know what they bring to the table, and they refuse to compromise on what they truly deserve—whether it’s in relationships, work, or life in general.

Psychology shows that this kind of self-assurance often comes from a strong foundation of self-awareness. These people have taken the time to understand their strengths, values, and boundaries. They don’t let external validation dictate how they feel about themselves.

For me, this was eye-opening. I used to settle for situations and relationships that didn’t make me happy because I didn’t believe I deserved better.

But once I started working on my self-awareness—really understanding who I was and what I wanted—that mindset began to shift.

2) They set clear boundaries

One of the biggest turning points in my life was learning how to set boundaries. For years, I let people walk all over me—whether it was staying late at work when I didn’t want to, saying “yes” to social plans I had no energy for, or tolerating relationships that drained me emotionally.

I thought being agreeable and accommodating would make people like me more, but all it did was leave me feeling resentful and exhausted.

So, I started small—saying “no” to things that didn’t sit right with me and sticking to it, even when it felt uncomfortable. At first, people were surprised because they weren’t used to me pushing back. But over time, they began respecting my boundaries, and more importantly, I started respecting myself.

If you’re struggling with setting boundaries, just remember: it’s not about being mean or selfish—it’s about protecting your energy and staying true to yourself. 

3) They embrace being uncomfortable

Whether it was tough conversations, trying something new, or taking risks, I always found an excuse to stay in my comfort zone. It felt safe there, but if I’m honest, it also felt stagnant.

The truth hit me when I realized that everything I truly wanted—whether it was a fulfilling career, meaningful relationships, or personal growth—was sitting just outside that comfort zone. I had to get comfortable with being uncomfortable if I wanted to stop settling for less.

Years ago, I had an opportunity to speak in front of a small group about a topic I cared about. Public speaking terrified me, and my first instinct was to decline. But something in me whispered, *“What if this is the step you need to take?”*

I pushed through the fear and gave that talk. Was it perfect? Not even close. But the feeling afterward—the pride of knowing I didn’t let fear control me—was a game-changer.

Psychology backs this up too: growth often comes from what’s called “optimal discomfort“, where you stretch yourself just enough to challenge your limits without overwhelming yourself entirely.

4) They practice self-compassion

For most of my life, I was my own worst critic. I’d beat myself up over every mistake, compare myself endlessly to others, and constantly feel like I wasn’t “enough.” It was exhausting and, honestly, paralyzing.

Everything changed when I discovered the power of self-compassion. At first, it felt strange—even selfish—to be kind to myself. But the truth is, self-compassion is the opposite of selfishness. It’s about recognizing that you’re human, just like everyone else, and treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.

What really convinced me to embrace this was a study by Dr. Kristin Neff, one of the leading researchers on self-compassion. Her research found that people who practice self-compassion are more resilient, less likely to experience anxiety or depression, and more motivated to improve themselves—not less.

That blew my mind because I’d always assumed that being hard on myself was the only way to succeed. But when I started practicing self-compassion—talking to myself kindly after a mistake instead of tearing myself down—I noticed something incredible: I bounced back faster and felt more motivated to keep going.

Self-compassion doesn’t just help you refuse to settle—it helps you thrive.

5) They value progress over perfection

I used to be the kind of person who waited for the “perfect moment” to start something. What I didn’t realize back then was how much this perfectionist mindset was holding me back. 

It wasn’t until I started focusing on progress instead of perfection that things began to shift. One experience stands out vividly: I wanted to start writing more but kept putting it off because I was afraid my work wouldn’t be “good enough.”

Finally, I forced myself to write just 200 words a day, no matter how messy or unpolished they were.

At first, it felt uncomfortable. But over time, I realized that those small, imperfect efforts were adding up. Within months, I had written more than I ever thought possible—something that never would’ve happened if I’d kept waiting for perfection.

Psychology supports this mindset too. Research published in Psychological Science found that people who focus on incremental progress are more likely to achieve their goals because it builds momentum and motivation over time.

Even the smallest step forward is better than standing still. Progress isn’t always pretty, but it’s what gets you closer to the life you deserve.

6) They trust their intuition

I used to overanalyze everything, weigh every possible outcome, and look to others for validation before making a decision. It was exhausting—and more often than not, it led me down paths that didn’t feel right.

The turning point came when I faced a major career decision. I’d been offered a stable job that looked great on paper, but something about it felt off. My mind kept telling me to accept it—it was safe, practical, and what everyone expected of me—but my gut was screaming, *“This isn’t for you.”*

I hesitated for weeks, but eventually, I took the risk and turned it down. Instead, I pursued something that felt more aligned with my passions—even though it was far less certain. Looking back, that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Since then, I’ve made it a point to check in with my intuition before making big decisions. It doesn’t mean ignoring logic or facts; it means giving equal weight to what my inner compass is telling me.

7) They embrace failure as part of the process

Here’s something counterintuitive: people who refuse to settle aren’t afraid of failure—they actually embrace it. 

The people who achieve the most and live the lives they truly want aren’t the ones who avoid failure. They’re the ones who see it as feedback, not a final verdict. They use it as a tool to learn, adapt, and get better.

I learned this lesson the hard way after launching a project a few years ago that completely flopped. I had poured months into it, only to watch it fall flat.

At first, I felt embarrassed and defeated. But as I started reflecting on what went wrong, I realized the experience taught me more than any success ever could. It showed me where my blind spots were and how to improve for next time—and when “next time” came around, I was ready.

Before starting something new, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience—no matter how it turns out?” This small shift in mindset can make all the difference in helping you move forward without settling for less than you deserve.

Start where you are

Refusing to settle for less than you deserve isn’t about being perfect or having everything figured out—it’s about making small, intentional choices every day that align with your values and goals.

If there’s one piece of advice I’d leave you with, it’s this: start where you are. You don’t need to have all the answers or take huge leaps right away. Begin by practicing just one of the qualities we’ve talked about—whether it’s setting a boundary, leaning into discomfort, or embracing failure.

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with each small step, you’ll build the confidence and clarity to create a life that truly reflects your worth. Remember, you deserve nothing less.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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