James Carter
Growing up with emotionally reckless parents leaves a lasting impact.
When parents struggle to regulate their emotions, their children often grow up walking on eggshells, never sure what to expect.
Over time, this shapes how they see the world, how they handle relationships, and even how they treat themselves.
The patterns we learn in childhood don’t just disappear—they show up in our adult lives in ways we don’t always realize.
While healing is always possible, the first step is recognizing the signs.
According to psychology, there are key traits many people develop when they’ve been raised in this kind of environment.
Let’s take a look at seven of them:
1) They struggle to trust their own emotions
When you grow up with emotionally reckless parents, you learn early on that feelings can be unpredictable—even dangerous.
One moment, everything seems fine.
The next, there’s an explosion of anger or withdrawal of affection.
Over time, this teaches a child one thing: Their emotions aren’t reliable, and neither are the emotions of those around them.
To them, self-acceptance is hard to come by as they’ve been conditioned to second-guess their own emotions, often suppressing or ignoring them altogether.
As adults, this can show up in many ways—difficulty making decisions, an inability to express feelings openly, or constantly seeking validation from others.
Instead of trusting their inner voice, they look outward for guidance, afraid that their own emotions might lead them astray.
Healing begins with recognizing this pattern and learning to reconnect with their true feelings—without fear or shame.
2) They feel responsible for other people’s emotions
For a long time, I thought it was my job to keep everyone around me happy.
Growing up, my parent’s emotions were unpredictable.
If they were angry or upset, I felt like it was my fault; if they were in a good mood, I breathed a sigh of relief—at least for a little while.
I learned to anticipate their reactions, to say the right things, to do whatever I could to keep the peace; I became the fixer, the peacemaker, the one who absorbed everyone else’s stress while ignoring my own.
As an adult, this pattern followed me into friendships and relationships.
If someone was upset, I immediately felt responsible as I would drop everything to make sure they were okay—even at the cost of my own well-being.
It took me a long time to realize that other people’s emotions aren’t mine to manage.
Learning to set boundaries and let others handle their own feelings has been one of the hardest, but most freeing, lessons of my life.
3) They are deeply afraid of abandonment
I used to believe that if someone left, it was because I wasn’t good enough.
When you grow up with emotionally reckless parents, love feels conditional.
One moment, you’re praised and embraced.
The next, you’re ignored or punished—sometimes for reasons you don’t even understand.
You learn that affection isn’t stable, that the people you rely on can pull away at any moment.
This kind of upbringing plants a deep fear of abandonment.
Even as an adult, I found myself overthinking every interaction, terrified that one wrong move would make people leave.
I stayed in unhealthy relationships far too long because I thought being mistreated was better than being alone.
When early bonds are inconsistent or painful, we can develop anxious attachment, always fearing that love will be taken away.
Healing from this means learning that real love—healthy love—doesn’t disappear the moment you make a mistake.
It means understanding that your worth isn’t tied to someone else’s ability to stay.
Most importantly, it means realizing that being alone doesn’t have to mean being abandoned.
4) They struggle with self-worth
For most of my life, I felt like I had to earn my worth.
When you grow up with emotionally reckless parents, love can feel like a reward rather than a given.
Maybe you were only praised when you accomplished something, or maybe your feelings were dismissed, making you believe they didn’t matter.
Over time, this can create a deep sense of inadequacy—like no matter what you do, you’ll never be enough.
Psychologist Abraham Maslow, known for his hierarchy of needs, once said, “We fear our highest possibilities. We are generally afraid to become that which we can glimpse in our most perfect moments.”
When your self-worth has been chipped away for years, even the idea of believing in yourself can feel uncomfortable—like stepping into unfamiliar territory.
For me, this showed up in small but powerful ways. I would downplay my achievements, brush off compliments, and constantly compare myself to others.
No matter how much I did, there was always a voice in the back of my mind telling me it wasn’t enough.
Self-worth isn’t something we have to earn—it’s something we have to reclaim.
That starts with recognizing that our value isn’t defined by what we achieve or how others see us—it’s something we’ve had all along.
5) They are overly independent
It might seem like people who grew up with emotionally reckless parents would be more dependent on others—but often, the opposite is true.
When you grow up in an unpredictable environment, you learn one thing fast: You can’t rely on anyone but yourself.
You learned that vulnerability wasn’t safe.
Psychologist Brené Brown once said, “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known.”
But for those of us who grew up having to fend for ourselves, vulnerability feels more like a threat than a path to connection.
For years, I prided myself on being independent.
I never asked for help, never leaned on anyone—even when I was struggling—and I thought it made me strong.
But, in reality, it was just fear disguised as self-sufficiency.
True strength isn’t about doing everything alone—it’s about knowing when to let others in.
For those of us who learned to rely only on ourselves, that can be the hardest lesson of all.
6) They have a hard time setting boundaries
When you grow up with emotionally reckless parents, boundaries don’t really exist.
Maybe your privacy was never respected; maybe your emotions were dismissed, or your needs were treated as an inconvenience.
Over time, you learn that saying “no” isn’t an option—that your role is to accommodate others, even at your own expense.
You become so used to prioritizing other people’s feelings that you forget how to honor your own.
For me, this showed up in my relationships. I would say yes when I wanted to say no.
I would tolerate behavior that made me uncomfortable just to avoid conflict.
Deep down, I was afraid that setting boundaries would push people away—that standing up for myself would make me unlovable.
But real love and respect don’t depend on self-sacrifice.
Learning to set boundaries isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about letting yourself in.
It’s about recognizing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s—and giving yourself permission to honor them.
7) They are overly critical of themselves
For the longest time, my inner voice wasn’t kind—it was harsh, unforgiving, and impossible to please.
When you grow up with emotionally reckless parents, criticism can become the background noise of your life.
Psychologist Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, once said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president.”
But when you’ve been raised in an environment where nothing you did felt good enough, it’s hard not to carry that self-doubt into adulthood.
For me, this looked like perfectionism. I would obsess over every detail, terrified of making mistakes.
If something went wrong, I immediately blamed myself.
No matter how much I accomplished, I always felt like I should be doing better.
Breaking free from this pattern starts with self-compassion—learning to speak to yourself the way you wish others had spoken to you.
It means recognizing that mistakes don’t define you and that you are worthy of kindness, especially from yourself.
