We all know that person. The one who seems to find a reason to complain about everything, no matter how trivial. As the founder of Hack Spirit and an avid enthusiast of mindfulness, I’ve devoted a good chunk of my time to studying psychology.
And guess what? There are specific traits common to these constant complainers.
This article takes a deep dive into the nine traits of people who always seem to find something to moan about. So, grab a cup of tea (or coffee), sit back, and let’s explore what makes these individuals tick, according to the fascinating field of psychology.
And don’t worry, I promise to keep things light and informal – just like our chat right now.
1) They focus on the negative
Now, let’s dive into the first trait. You see, there are those individuals who have a knack for zeroing in on the negative, no matter how minute or insignificant it may seem to others.
These people often have a habit of magnifying their problems and painting them as the worst-case scenario. Sometimes, it might seem like they are wearing grey-tinted glasses, viewing life through a pessimistic lens.
In psychology, this is referred to as “Negative Bias“, a cognitive bias that makes us pay more attention to bad outcomes than good ones. It’s the idea that we’re more likely to remember and be affected by negative experiences than positive ones.
Essentially, for these individuals, the glass isn’t just half-empty; it’s shattered on the floor.
But it’s important to understand that this isn’t about judging or criticizing them. It’s about recognizing this trait and understanding how it impacts their behavior and interactions with others.
2) They struggle with change
Here’s another interesting trait: a resistance to change. Now, I’ll be honest, this is something I’ve seen first-hand.
A few years back, I had a friend who was always stressed about the slightest changes in her life. A new boss at work, a rearrangement of furniture at home, even changing her regular coffee shop seemed to throw her completely off balance.
She just couldn’t adjust to it and would spend hours complaining about how these changes were ruining her life.
This is often seen as a sign of inflexibility or difficulty in adapting to new circumstances. It’s not so much about the change itself but more about their perception of losing control over their environment.
So, if you notice someone constantly moaning about changes, big or small, they might be struggling with this particular trait. Change is an inevitable part of life and learning to navigate it is crucial.
3) They’re stuck in the past
Moving onto trait number three, have you ever noticed how some people seem to be stuck in the past? They’re constantly moaning about how things used to be better, or how some past event ruined their life and they can’t seem to let go of it.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I discuss how clinging to the past can lead us to a state of perpetual dissatisfaction and suffering. It’s essential to learn from our past experiences, but obsessing over them doesn’t do us any good.
People who are stuck in the past often struggle to live in the present. They’re so consumed by what once was, they overlook what is happening right in front of them.
It’s a tough trait to break free from, but as they say in Buddhism, “The past is already gone, the future is not yet here. There’s only one moment for you to live, and that is the present moment.”
So if you notice someone always talking about the past, they might be grappling with this trait. Remember, understanding is the first step to helping or even changing.
4) They display a victim mentality
Let’s delve into the fourth trait – playing the victim. This is when individuals constantly see themselves as the unfortunate ones, always at the receiving end of life’s troubles.
From a psychological perspective, this is known as Victim Mentality. It’s a mindset where people tend to believe they have no control over their lives and are constantly being victimized by external circumstances.
But here’s the thing: this mentality often stems from a cognitive distortion known as External Locus of Control. This is when individuals attribute the events in their life to external factors instead of their own actions or decisions.
It’s important to recognize this trait because it can be debilitating. It hinders personal growth and self-improvement, keeping people locked in a cycle of negativity and complaint.
As psychologist Dr. Albert Bandura noted, “People with high assurance in their capabilities approach difficult tasks as challenges to be mastered rather than as threats to be avoided.” Breaking free from a victim mentality requires recognizing our power and ability to influence our circumstances.
5) They’re often perfectionists
Now, this one might surprise you. Trait number five is perfectionism. Yes, you read that right. Those who constantly find something to complain about are often perfectionists.
Sounds counter-intuitive, doesn’t it? After all, perfectionists are supposed to be the high achievers, the ones who always strive to do their best. But here’s the catch – when reality does not meet their extremely high expectations, they tend to default to moaning and complaining.
Perfectionism, according to psychology, can often lead to dissatisfaction and disappointment because let’s face it, life is hardly ever perfect. And when perfectionists face these imperfect situations, they resort to complaining as a coping mechanism.
As famed psychologist Dr. Brene Brown puts it, “Perfectionism is not the path that leads us to our gifts and our sense of being at home in the world; it’s the hazardous detour.” It’s about making peace with imperfection and understanding that it’s a natural part of life.
6) They struggle with empathy
Moving on, trait number six is a struggle with empathy. Individuals who constantly moan often find it difficult to put themselves in other people’s shoes.
Their focus is primarily on their own discomforts and grievances, which can make it challenging for them to understand or relate to the feelings of others.
From a psychological viewpoint, empathy is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence and plays a significant role in our social interactions. Without empathy, relationships can become one-sided and strained.
Those who find something to complain about at every turn may not be intentionally lacking empathy; it could just be a byproduct of their preoccupation with their own issues.
7) They struggle with gratitude
Trait number seven is a lack of gratitude. There was a time when even the smallest of inconveniences would overshadow all the good things in life. It’s like living under a dark cloud, where everything seems gloomy.
In psychology, cultivating gratitude is recognized as a powerful way to boost happiness levels and overall well-being. It’s about acknowledging the positive aspects of life, however small they may be.
When individuals constantly complain, they could be missing out on the power of gratitude. They might be overlooking the many things that are going right because they’re so focused on what’s going wrong.
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can truly transform our perspective and our lives.
8) They have high levels of stress and anxiety
The eighth trait is high levels of stress and anxiety. People who constantly find something to complain about often carry a heavy load of stress and anxiety. Their constant moaning can be a way for them to vent their frustrations and fears.
From a psychological standpoint, chronic stress and anxiety can lead to a host of negative effects, including a tendency to focus on the negative aspects of life. This can create a vicious cycle where stress leads to more complaining, which in turn leads to more stress.
It’s crucial to identify and manage these feelings properly. Engaging in mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, or even seeking professional help can go a long way in reducing stress levels.
As renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “What you resist persists.” Acknowledging and addressing these feelings is the first step towards breaking the cycle.
In conclusion: it’s all about understanding
Human behavior is a fascinating field, often revealing diverse and complex patterns. The traits we’ve explored today, common among people who constantly find something to moan about, offer a glimpse into a mindset that many of us might find challenging to comprehend.
But the key lies in understanding. Understanding these traits can help us empathize better with these individuals, and maybe even support them in their journey towards positivity.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve deeper into how our mindset can shape our experiences and interactions. I explore how by adopting a more mindful approach, we can navigate through life’s ups and downs with grace and resilience.
Whether it’s dealing with change, managing stress, or cultivating gratitude, the principles of mindfulness can guide us. They can help us understand others better, and perhaps more importantly, understand ourselves better.
Remember, every complaint or moan is a cry for help—a sign of an internal struggle. By recognizing this, we can shift our perspective from irritation to compassion. As psychologist Carl Rogers once said: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
So the next time you come across someone who constantly finds something to moan about, instead of getting frustrated, try to understand. After all, isn’t that what being human is all about? Understanding and connecting with each other in our shared journey through life.
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