Eliza Hartley
There’s a fine line between seeking constant validation and seeking guidance during crucial moments in life.
This distinction boils down to self-awareness.
Constantly seeking validation can make us dependent on others for our self-worth, while occasional guidance can provide us with valuable insights and perspective.
According to psychology, there are specific instances where it’s perfectly okay to seek external validation.
It’s all about understanding our need for outside perspective in certain situations.
Here are seven moments in life where it’s perfectly acceptable to lean on others for validation.
Remember, there’s no shame in seeking a bit of reassurance now and then.
After all, we’re social creatures navigating an often complex world!
1) During major life transitions
Life is full of transitions.
Whether we’re moving to a new city, starting a new job, or ending a long-term relationship, these periods of change can often leave us feeling unsteady and uncertain.
In these moments, it’s perfectly normal to seek external validation.
When we’re navigating new situations, we may not have all the answers—and that’s okay.
Reaching out to others for their insights and perspective can provide us with valuable guidance.
It’s about recognizing that we don’t have to face these changes alone.
Reassurance and validation from others can be a powerful tool for navigating through these transitional phases.
It not only offers emotional support but also helps us make more informed decisions based on others’ experiences.
2) When experiencing self-doubt
Let’s be honest, we all experience moments of self-doubt, when our confidence wavers and we question our abilities.
I remember a time when I doubted my skills as a writer: Was I really good enough? Could I truly make a difference with my words?
It was during these moments of uncertainty that I reached out to others for their perspective.
Their validation helped me see my skills more objectively and reassured me that I was on the right path.
As renowned psychologist Albert Bandura stated, “People who believe they have the power to exercise some measure of control over their lives are healthier, more effective, and more successful than those who lack faith in their ability to effect changes in their lives.”
In times of self-doubt, seeking external validation can provide that necessary confidence boost.
3) During personal growth and self-improvement
Personal growth and self-improvement are journeys, not destinations.
On this journey, there are bound to be times when we need a little external validation to affirm we’re heading in the right direction.
For me, it was when I started my mindfulness practice: Initially, I doubted whether I was doing it right—was I truly being mindful or just sitting quietly?
Seeking validation from a mindfulness coach helped me understand my progress better and motivated me to keep going.
Accepting ourselves, with all our strengths and weaknesses, is a challenging yet crucial step towards growth.
Sometimes, getting external validation can help us see ourselves more clearly.
During your self-improvement journey, remember it’s perfectly okay to seek external validation.
It’s not about relying on others for self-worth but about understanding and accepting ourselves better.
4) When feeling confident
Now, this might sound counterintuitive: Why would you need validation when you’re feeling confident?
Well, let me explain.
Confidence can sometimes blind us to our areas of improvement.
We might feel we’re doing great, but there’s always room to learn and grow.
A few years ago, I was pretty confident about my communication skills.
However, when I sought feedback from a colleague, I realized there were areas I could improve – like my tendency to interrupt others.
This external validation didn’t knock down my confidence but helped me become a better communicator.
Sigmund Freud once said, “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”
Seeking external validation when we’re confident is part of this honesty—it helps us stay grounded and open to growth.
Even when you’re feeling on top of the world, remember it’s perfectly okay—even beneficial—to seek external validation.
5) When making important decisions
Life is full of important decisions, and these decisions often come with a lot of pressure.
It could be about choosing a career path, deciding to end or start a relationship, or even making a big investment.
In these moments, it’s not only okay but wise to seek external validation.
Other people can provide an outside perspective that we may miss due to our emotional involvement in the situation.
When you are confronted with big decisions, remember it’s perfectly okay to seek external validation.
It’s a tool for making well-informed decisions and ensuring that your choices are based on more than just gut feelings or incomplete information.
6) When coping with failure
Failure is a part of life, but that doesn’t make it any easier to accept.
I recall a time when a project I was passionately working on fell through—it felt like a personal failure, and I was harsh on myself.
In such times, seeking external validation can be healing.
It’s not about getting someone to sugarcoat the situation; instead, it’s about gaining perspective and understanding that failure doesn’t define you.
As the influential psychologist Martin Seligman stated, “The good life consists in deriving happiness by using your signature strengths every day in the main realms of living.”
When we fail, external validation can remind us of these strengths and help us focus on the bigger picture.
7) When feeling stuck
We’ve all had those moments when we feel like we’re stuck in a rut, unable to move forward or make a decision.
In these moments, seeking external validation can provide new insights and perspectives that can help us break free from our mental gridlock.
External validation can help change this awareness by providing us with a fresh perspective on our abilities, our situation, and our potential options.
It’s not about someone telling us what to do, but about gaining a clearer understanding of where we stand.
So, when you’re feeling stuck, remember it’s perfectly okay to seek external validation.
It’s a tool for gaining clarity and breaking free from stagnation.
