Eliza Hartley
People with high emotional intelligence don’t waste their energy on just anything. They’re selective, strategic and smart about where they invest their time and thoughts.
Emotionally intelligent people are like the Zen masters of the modern world. They know when to hold back, when to push forward, and most importantly, they know what’s not worth their energy at all.
In this article, I’m going to share with you 8 things people with high emotional intelligence never waste their energy on. Get ready to get enlightened.
1) Dwelling on negativity
Those with high emotional intelligence have a unique ability: they can observe their emotions without getting caught up in them.
It’s like watching a movie. They’re fully aware of the plot, the characters, the twists and turns, but they don’t let it consume them.
Now, this doesn’t mean they’re emotionless robots. Far from it. They feel just as deeply as anyone else. But when negativity creeps in, they don’t let it take up residence.
Dwelling on negativity is like inviting a vampire into your home. It drains you of your energy and leaves you feeling empty and exhausted.
But emotionally intelligent people? They keep the door firmly shut. They acknowledge the existence of negativity, learn from it, and then move on.
They understand that life is too short and their energy too precious to be wasted on pointless negativity. That’s a lesson we could all do with learning.
2) Trying to please everyone
I used to be a chronic people-pleaser.
Always saying yes, always going the extra mile, always putting others’ needs before my own. The result? I was always exhausted and felt like I was living on everyone else’s terms.
But then I started studying emotional intelligence and realized something crucial: trying to please everyone is a surefire way to drain your energy and lose sight of your own needs.
People with high emotional intelligence understand this. They realize that it’s impossible to make everyone happy all the time. And they know that constantly bending over backward for others can lead to resentment and burnout.
So, they set boundaries. They say no when they need to. They prioritize their own wellbeing. Not out of selfishness, but out of self-respect.
And let me tell you, since I’ve started doing this, my life has become so much more fulfilling. I’ve learned that you can’t pour from an empty cup, and taking care of yourself isn’t just important – it’s necessary.
3) Holding onto grudges
Emotionally intelligent people understand that holding onto grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. It’s not only ineffective but also harmful to oneself.
Grudges are heavy. They weigh us down with the burden of past resentments and unresolved issues. And the energy we waste carrying them? We could be using it for so much more!
People with high emotional intelligence choose forgiveness over resentment. They don’t forget or excuse the behavior that hurt them, but they release the power it holds over their present.
Because at the end of the day, holding a grudge doesn’t hurt the person who wronged you; it hurts you. And life is too short and energy too valuable to waste on something so destructive.
4) Worrying about the future
Ever catch yourself worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet?
We all do it. But emotionally intelligent people know better than to waste their energy on ‘what ifs’.
They understand that worrying about the future doesn’t prevent tomorrow’s troubles. It robs today of its joy.
This is where mindfulness comes in. Being mindful means being fully present in the moment, not letting your mind wander to past regrets or future anxieties.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve deeper into how we can cultivate this skill to lead a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
Emotionally intelligent people practice mindfulness. They focus on what they can control – their actions and reactions in the present moment.
The future? It’ll unfold as it should. And when it does, they’ll handle it with grace and resilience, because they haven’t wasted their energy worrying about it.
5) Comparing themselves to others
There was a time when I would scroll through social media, looking at the highlight reels of people’s lives, and find myself feeling inadequate. It was as if everyone else was living a more exciting, successful life than me.
People with high emotional intelligence, however, don’t fall into this comparison trap. They understand that everyone is on their own unique journey, and comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges.
They know that success is not a one-size-fits-all concept. It looks different for everyone and that’s perfectly okay. What matters is being true to yourself and living a life that fulfills you.
So instead of wasting energy on comparison, they focus on their own growth and progress. They celebrate their achievements and learn from their mistakes. They strive to be the best version of themselves, not a second-rate version of someone else.
6) Avoiding difficult conversations
This might seem counter-intuitive. After all, difficult conversations are uncomfortable, right? Why wouldn’t we want to avoid them?
Well, people with high emotional intelligence understand that avoiding a difficult conversation today often leads to a bigger problem tomorrow.
When there’s an elephant in the room, they don’t pretend it’s not there. They address it head-on.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it can be challenging. But they know that the energy spent avoiding the issue often outweighs the energy it takes to confront it.
They choose honesty over convenience, even when it’s hard. Because they know that resolution and understanding lie on the other side of these tough talks.
That’s not just emotionally intelligent, that’s courageous too.
7) Seeking external validation
Emotionally intelligent people don’t seek approval or validation from others. They understand that their worth is not defined by the opinions of those around them.
They know that while compliments feel good and criticism can sting, neither truly reflects who they are or their value.
So, instead of wasting energy seeking external validation, they focus on self-validation. They acknowledge their strengths, accept their weaknesses, and strive for personal growth.
They understand that true confidence comes from within. It’s about knowing your worth and not letting anyone else dictate it for you. That’s some serious emotional intelligence right there.
8) Resisting change
Life is a constant ebb and flow of change. People with high emotional intelligence don’t resist this. They embrace it.
They understand that change is inevitable and necessary for growth. They see it as an opportunity to learn, adapt, and evolve.
Rather than clinging to the familiar and comfortable, they step out of their comfort zones. They take risks. They venture into the unknown.
Because they know that the only constant in life is change. And those who adapt are those who thrive. That’s not just emotional intelligence; it’s wisdom.
Final thoughts: Emotional intelligence is a journey
Navigating life with high emotional intelligence is not about having all the answers. It’s about knowing how to respond to what life throws at you.
It’s about understanding your emotions, managing them, and using them to facilitate rather than hinder your life. It’s about cultivating empathy, building strong relationships, and making sound decisions.
And the most beautiful part? This journey never ends. There are always new layers of yourself to discover, new challenges to overcome, and new ways to grow.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve into how mindfulness can help you on this journey. How it allows you to fully engage with your emotions and experiences without judgment or resistance.
Emotional intelligence isn’t something you achieve; it’s something you practice. And every day presents a new opportunity to practice.
So as you move forward, remember this: don’t waste your energy on what doesn’t serve you. Instead, channel it towards what helps you grow, thrive, and live a more fulfilling life. Because at the end of the day, that’s what truly matters.
