Eliza Hartley
Navigating the world as an adult can often feel like you’re lost at sea. You’re trying to keep your head above the waves, and occasionally, you find yourself in the middle of some stormy discussions. You’ve been there, right?
You’ve tried to steer clear, you’ve done everything you could to avoid getting sucked into the whirlpool of pointless debates. But it doesn’t always work out that way.
Sometimes it’s not even about a big life-altering issue.
You just find yourself waist-deep in a disagreement that drains your energy, even when a part of you knows it’s not worth it, not one bit.
Here’s your compass to navigate these treacherous waters. Here’s how to identify those eight things mature people don’t waste their time arguing about, as backed by psychology.
1) Arguing about past mistakes
One of the keys to adulting, as we all know, is learning from our past. We all make mistakes, and that’s just part of being human.
But here’s the thing: Some of us have a habit of digging up old errors and using them as ammunition in current arguments. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
You’ve probably been there, you’ve been on the receiving end of this blame game or maybe, without realizing it, you’ve done it too.
Mature individuals don’t waste their time arguing about past mistakes. You know why? Because they understand that what’s done is done. They know the value of focusing on solutions for the present and future, rather than dwelling on old skeletons.
If you find yourself stuck in this loop of past mistakes and blame, it’s time to take a step back. It’s time to realize that this kind of argument is futile and draining.
2) Debating who’s more at fault
Right after we’re done arguing about the past, there comes another classic: The blame game.
You know how it goes: “Well, you did this!” “Yeah, but you did that!” And before you know it, you’re stuck in this exhausting cycle of trying to prove who’s more at fault.
I remember a time when I found myself in a heated argument with a close friend. We were both adamant that the other was to blame for a misunderstanding. The argument dragged on for hours, until we were both emotionally drained and no closer to a resolution.
Psychology tells us that mature individuals don’t waste their time debating who’s more at fault. They understand that it’s not about winning or losing an argument, but about finding a solution and restoring harmony.
So, instead of playing the blame game, they focus on understanding the other person’s point of view and reaching a middle ground. This shift in focus not only saves time and energy, but also strengthens relationships.
And from my personal experience, I can tell you it’s definitely a smarter way to handle disagreements.
3) Arguing to prove a point
The great Albert Einstein once said, “Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.”
Isn’t that something to ponder?
Ever found yourself in an argument where you were less concerned about resolving the situation and more about proving your point? Yeah, I’ve been there too.
It’s a common scenario: An argument starts over something minor, and before you know it, it spirals into a full-blown debate with both sides trying to prove they’re right.
But here’s the wisdom in Einstein’s words: Mature individuals don’t waste their time arguing just to prove a point. They understand that being right isn’t always the most important thing.
The next time you find yourself in an argument trying to prove you’re right, take a moment to reflect on Einstein’s words. Is it really worth your time? Or would your energy be better spent elsewhere? The choice is yours.
4) Disputing over personal beliefs
Did you know that the human brain is naturally wired to hold onto beliefs once they are formed, even in the face of contradicting evidence? It’s a phenomenon known as “cognitive dissonance“.
We all have our own beliefs, values, and opinions formed over years of experiences, lessons, and influences. They are an integral part of who we are and play a significant role in defining our worldview.
Now, imagine getting into a heated argument trying to change someone’s long-held personal belief. Sounds like a recipe for frustration and wasted time, right?
That’s because it is. Mature individuals understand this psychological aspect well. They don’t waste their time arguing over personal beliefs because they understand the inherent complexity and futility of trying to change someone’s deeply ingrained views.
Sure, healthy debates can be enriching and eye-opening. But when it turns into an argument with no resolution in sight, it’s probably time to agree to disagree and move on.
5) Squabbling over differing lifestyle choices
We’ve all met that person who lives their life completely differently than us. Maybe they’re a vegan while you’re a meat-lover, or perhaps they prefer an early morning jog while you’re more of a night owl.
These differences in lifestyle choices can often become breeding grounds for pointless arguments. You might find yourself trying to defend your choices or convince the other person that your way is better.
But here’s the thing: Mature individuals don’t waste their time arguing over differing lifestyle choices. They understand and respect that everyone is entitled to live their life the way they see fit, as long as it’s not causing harm to others.
They know that diversity in lifestyle choices doesn’t equate to one choice being superior to the other. Instead, they view these differences as opportunities to learn and grow.
6) Bickering over gossip and rumors
Now, we’re stepping into an area that often brews unnecessary conflict – gossip and rumors. These can spread like wildfire and before you know it, you might find yourself embroiled in an argument based purely on hearsay.
I bet you’ve had your share of such encounters, where a casual conversation took a sharp turn into a heated debate over something someone said about someone else.
But here’s the catch: Mature individuals steer clear of such discussions. They understand that arguing over unverified information or personal hearsay is not just pointless, but can also damage relationships and reputations.
They know the value of clear, straightforward communication and prefer to rely on facts rather than rumors. If they need to discuss something important, they address it directly with the person involved rather than getting caught up in gossip.
7) Quibbling over trivial matters
We’ve all had those days when even the smallest thing can set off an argument, right? Maybe your partner didn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste, or your colleague left their mug at your desk.
These trivial matters can sometimes balloon into larger arguments, taking up more of our time and energy than they deserve.
But here’s what psychology tells us: Mature individuals learn not to sweat the small stuff. They understand that life is too short and too precious to waste on arguments over trivial matters.
They know that these little annoyances are just a part of life and learn to let them go. Instead, they focus their attention and energy on things that truly matter – strengthening relationships, personal growth, and maintaining peace of mind.
8) Battling over who’s more successful
In this fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the rat race. We often compare our success with others and find ourselves in arguments about who’s achieved more, who’s got the better job, or who’s earning more.
But here’s the golden nugget of wisdom: Mature individuals don’t waste their time arguing over who’s more successful. They understand that success is subjective and varies from person to person.
They know that everyone has their own pace, their own journey, and what might seem like success to one person could mean something entirely different to another.
Instead of wasting time comparing and competing, they focus on their personal growth and happiness. They celebrate others’ achievements and use them as inspiration rather than fuel for argument.
Embracing maturity
If you find yourself nodding along to these points, it’s likely that you’ve encountered these situations in your own life. But remember, identifying these patterns is the first step towards handling disagreements in a more mature and effective way.
With conscious awareness and effort, you can choose not to engage in pointless arguments. Rather than draining your energy on fruitless debates, you can channel it into more productive conversations and actions.
Start by reflecting on instances where you’ve found yourself arguing about the topics we’ve covered. Observe your reactions and responses. Ask yourself: Was this argument worth my time? Could I have handled it differently?
This process of self-reflection won’t bring about change overnight. It takes time and patience to break old patterns and adopt new ones. But, as the saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.
It’s your journey. Own it. Enjoy it. And celebrate the progress you make along the way.
