7 things in life you should always say "no" to if you want to keep your self-respect, according to psychologists

For years, I struggled with self-respect.

I said “yes” to things I shouldn’t have—people who drained my energy, situations that made me feel small, and habits that pulled me away from the person I wanted to be.

The result? I felt stuck, frustrated, and constantly questioning myself.

But over time, I learned a simple truth: self-respect isn’t just about confidence or self-love—it’s about what you allow into your life and what you firmly reject.

As someone deeply interested in psychology and personal growth, I started digging into what experts say about boundaries and self-worth. What I found was eye-opening.

If you want to keep your self-respect, there are certain things in life you should always say no to—without guilt or hesitation.

In this article, I’ll go over seven of them. Let’s dive in.

1) Saying “yes” when you really mean “no”

For a long time, I was a people-pleaser.

I’d agree to things I didn’t want to do just to avoid disappointing others. Whether it was taking on extra work, attending events I had no interest in, or even going along with opinions I didn’t share—I said “yes” when I really wanted to say “no.”

But here’s what I learned: every time you say “yes” to something that goes against your needs or values, you’re saying “no” to yourself. And over time, that chips away at your self-respect.

Psychologists emphasize the importance of setting boundaries, and this starts with being honest about what you want. It’s not about being rude or selfish—it’s about valuing yourself enough to protect your time, energy, and well-being.

If this is something you struggle with, start small. The next time you’re tempted to say “yes” out of guilt or pressure, take a moment to pause.

Ask yourself: Is this something I truly want? If the answer is no, practice saying it—firmly but kindly.

The more you respect your own boundaries, the more others will too.

2) Tolerating disrespect from others

I used to let people walk all over me.

At work, I had a colleague who constantly interrupted me and dismissed my ideas.

In relationships, I made excuses for people who treated me poorly. I told myself I was just being “understanding” or “keeping the peace,” but deep down, I felt small—like my voice didn’t matter.

Then I came across a quote from clinical psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud that hit me hard: “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.”

That’s when I realized—I was allowing this treatment because I feared standing up for myself more than I feared being disrespected. But the longer I let it happen, the worse I felt about myself.

Psychologists agree that allowing disrespect erodes self-worth. The way you let others treat you sends a message—to them and to yourself—about what you believe you deserve.

So, I started setting boundaries. When my colleague interrupted me, I calmly said, “I wasn’t finished speaking.” When someone crossed a line in my personal life, I addressed it instead of brushing it off.

And something amazing happened: people started respecting me more. But more importantly, I started respecting myself more.

If someone in your life consistently disrespects you, remember—you don’t have to tolerate it. Your self-respect depends on what you allow, and it’s okay to walk away from situations or people that diminish you.

3) Seeking validation from others

For most of my life, I relied on other people to feel good about myself.

If someone praised me, I felt on top of the world. If they criticized me—or worse, ignored me—I spiraled into self-doubt. My confidence wasn’t coming from within; it was built on what others thought of me.

One moment really opened my eyes to this. I had just written an article I was really proud of, but when I shared it, the response was lukewarm. Hardly anyone commented or acknowledged it.

Instead of feeling satisfied with my own work, I felt like a failure—just because I didn’t get validation from others.

That’s when I realized how dangerous this pattern was. If you depend on others for approval, you give them power over how you feel about yourself.

And the truth is, no matter what you do, not everyone will applaud you—and that’s okay.

Psychologists emphasize that true self-respect comes from internal validation—knowing your own worth regardless of external praise or criticism.

So, I started shifting my mindset. Instead of asking, “Do people like this?” I asked, “Do I like this?” Instead of wondering if others approved of me, I focused on whether I approved of myself.

And the best part? When you stop chasing validation, you become more confident, more authentic—and ironically, people respect you even more for it.

4) Overworking yourself to please others

For years, I believed that saying “yes” to every request and pushing myself to exhaustion was the key to being respected.

I took on extra tasks at work, stayed late even when I didn’t have to, and rarely took breaks. I thought working harder than everyone else would earn me recognition and appreciation.

But instead, I just felt drained, unappreciated, and resentful.

Then I came across a study published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, which found that employees who overwork themselves—especially those who feel pressured to do so—experience higher levels of stress and burnout, leading to decreased job satisfaction and even health problems.

That’s when I realized: overworking wasn’t a sign of dedication—it was a sign that I wasn’t valuing myself enough to set boundaries.

So, I started saying “no” to unnecessary tasks that weren’t my responsibility. I prioritized rest without feeling guilty.

And guess what?

Instead of losing respect, people actually took me more seriously. When you respect your own limits, others are more likely to respect them too.

If you’re constantly stretching yourself thin for the sake of pleasing others, take a step back. Your time and energy are valuable—but only if you treat them that way.

5) Staying in toxic relationships

I used to believe that loyalty meant sticking with people no matter what—even when they treated me poorly.

I had a friend who constantly belittled me, made jokes at my expense, and only reached out when he needed something. Every time I tried to distance myself, I felt guilty. I told myself, Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe I just need to be more patient.

But the truth was, the friendship was one-sided and draining. And the longer I stayed in it, the worse I felt about myself.

Psychologists warn that toxic relationships—whether friendships, family, or romantic—can seriously damage self-esteem. When you surround yourself with people who disrespect you, you start to believe that’s what you deserve.

The turning point for me was realizing that walking away wasn’t selfish—it was an act of self-respect. So, I slowly distanced myself from that friendship and focused on relationships that felt mutual and uplifting.

If someone in your life constantly makes you feel unworthy, ignored, or drained, it might be time to let go. Respecting yourself means choosing connections that bring out the best in you—not ones that tear you down.

6) Apologizing for who you are

For the longest time, I felt like I had to shrink myself to fit in.

I apologized when I shared an opinion that others didn’t agree with. I downplayed my interests if they weren’t “cool” enough. I even felt guilty for setting boundaries—like saying “no” was something I had to justify.

Then I came across a quote from Carl Jung that changed everything: “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

That’s when it hit me—I was constantly apologizing for simply being me. And every time I did, I chipped away at my own self-respect.

Psychologists emphasize that self-worth comes from authenticity. When you apologize for your personality, your dreams, or your boundaries, you send yourself the message that who you are isn’t enough.

But the truth is, the right people will respect you more when you stand firm in who you are—without apology.

So, I made a conscious effort to stop saying “sorry” when I wasn’t actually in the wrong. Instead of shrinking myself, I embraced my quirks and interests fully.

And something incredible happened—my confidence grew, and I started attracting people who valued me for who I truly was.

If you find yourself constantly saying “sorry” just for being yourself, take a step back. You don’t need to apologize for existing exactly as you are.

7) Avoiding discomfort at all costs

For a long time, I thought self-respect meant keeping myself comfortable—avoiding awkward conversations, steering clear of risks, and sticking to what felt safe.

But over time, I realized something counterintuitive: avoiding discomfort wasn’t protecting my self-respect—it was limiting it.

Think about it. Every time you shy away from standing up for yourself because it feels uncomfortable, you reinforce the idea that your voice doesn’t matter. Every time you avoid challenges out of fear, you tell yourself that you’re not capable.

Psychologists argue that self-respect isn’t about staying comfortable—it’s about pushing through discomfort to grow into the person you know you can be.

For me, this meant having difficult conversations instead of bottling things up. It meant trying new things even when I felt like an imposter. And most importantly, it meant embracing failure as part of the process instead of seeing it as a reason to quit.

If you struggle with this, start small. Do one thing each day that makes you slightly uncomfortable—whether it’s speaking up in a meeting, saying “no” when you’d normally cave, or tackling a challenge you’ve been avoiding.

The more you lean into discomfort, the more confident and self-respecting you’ll become.

Conclusion: Self-respect starts with what you allow

At the end of the day, your self-respect isn’t just about how you feel—it’s about the choices you make.

Every time you say no to something that drains, disrespects, or diminishes you, you’re saying yes to yourself.

So, here’s a simple challenge: pick one thing from this list that resonates with you the most and start practicing it today. Maybe it’s setting a boundary, speaking up for yourself, or finally letting go of something toxic.

Small changes add up. And the more you stand up for yourself, the more naturally self-respect will come.