Tara Whitmore
As individuals, we all desire to feel understood, valued, and appreciated. These sentiments can be missing when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.
Narcissism refers to someone who exhibits an excessive interest or admiration in themselves. This could be a romantic partner, a friend, or even a family member.
A narcissist often seeks constant validation and admiration from others, and they may manipulate the relationship to fuel their ego.
This behaviour is not always overt; it can be subtle and even unnoticeable at first.
You may unknowingly be feeding a narcissist’s ego without even realising it. So, we have put together 9 subtle signs for you to look out for, according to psychology.
1) Excessive admiration
Feeding a narcissist’s ego isn’t always blatantly obvious. It can be as subtle as consistently expressing admiration for them.
You might find yourself constantly complimenting them, be it on their appearance, intellect, or accomplishments. Maybe you’re always talking about how lucky you are to have them in your life, or how they are superior to others you know.
At times, they might even provoke these compliments from you, subtly hinting for your admiration or fishing for compliments. They thrive on this praise and use it as a fuel to maintain their inflated sense of self.
Remember, there’s a fine line between genuine admiration and excessive flattery. The latter can unknowingly feed a narcissist’s ego, reinforcing their self-centered behavior.
2) Always putting their needs first
In any relationship, compromise is key. However, when dealing with a narcissist, you might notice that you’re always prioritizing their needs over your own.
You might find yourself constantly making sacrifices to accommodate their preferences, from something as simple as always choosing the restaurant they prefer, to more significant compromises like changing your career plans or personal goals to suit their desires.
This constant catering to their needs feeds their belief that they are the most important person in the relationship and that their needs always come first.
This can unknowingly reinforce their narcissistic tendencies and fuel their ego.
Remember that a healthy relationship should involve mutual respect and consideration for each other’s needs and wants.
3) Avoiding confrontation
You might think avoiding conflict with a narcissist is the best way to keep the peace. However, this could unknowingly be feeding their ego.
Perhaps you find yourself holding back your feelings or concerns to avoid tension. You might constantly agree with them, even when you have a different opinion, just to keep things smooth.
While this might seem like a good strategy to prevent arguments, it can inadvertently fuel their narcissistic behavior.
By not standing up for your viewpoints, you’re essentially validating theirs as the only ones that matter. This can compound their inflated sense of self-importance and feed their ego.
4) Ignoring red flags
Let’s be real. It’s easy to overlook the flaws of someone you care about. But when it comes to narcissists, ignoring these red flags can have severe consequences.
You might find yourself constantly making excuses for their selfish behavior or their lack of empathy. Maybe you’re telling yourself that they had a bad day or that they’re just misunderstood.
The truth is, by ignoring these warning signs, you’re unknowingly validating their narcissistic tendencies.
It’s key to remember that everyone deserves respect and consideration in a relationship – including you. It’s okay to recognize and question behaviors that make you feel uncomfortable or unappreciated.
5) Over-forgiveness
It’s perfectly human to forgive and forget, especially when it involves those we love. However, with a narcissist, repeatedly forgiving without addressing the issue can unknowingly feed their ego.
You might find yourself frequently forgiving their failures to consider your feelings or their tendency to belittle you. You may always be the one saying sorry just to resolve arguments, even when it wasn’t your fault.
While forgiveness is a virtue, it’s important not to let it become a means for them to continue their narcissistic behavior without consequences.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes, but repeated hurtful behaviors are not acceptable. It’s okay to stand up for yourself and demand respect. Your feelings matter too.
6) Accepting their version of reality
We’ve all been there – succumbing to someone else’s version of events just to keep the peace. However, with a narcissist, this can unknowingly feed their ego.
Perhaps you find yourself accepting their interpretation of situations, even when it doesn’t align with your own memory or perspective.
They may twist narratives to suit their image, often portraying themselves as the victim or hero.
By accepting their version of reality, you’re indirectly endorsing their self-centered view of the world.
Trust your instincts and remember that your perspective is just as valid. Everyone has a right to voice their experiences and feelings.
7) Being their biggest cheerleader
Who doesn’t love a good cheerleader in their corner? But when you’re dealing with a narcissist, being their constant source of applause can unknowingly feed their ego.
Maybe you find yourself always rooting for them, celebrating their every win, no matter how small. Perhaps you’re always there to lift their spirits, even when they don’t reciprocate the same enthusiasm for your successes.
While it’s wonderful to be supportive, remember that a relationship is a two-way street.
It’s okay to expect the same level of support and cheerleading from them. After all, everyone deserves their moment in the spotlight too!
8) Tolerating disrespect
Let’s get straight to the point – tolerating disrespect from a narcissist is unknowingly feeding their ego.
You might find yourself enduring their sarcastic jabs, dismissive remarks, or even blatant disregard for your feelings.
Perhaps you’ve convinced yourself that it’s just their way of joking around, or that they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.
Reality check – no amount of love or patience should warrant you tolerating disrespect. Set boundaries and make it clear that disrespectful behavior is unacceptable.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, always. Remember, love doesn’t equate to tolerating bad behavior. Stand up for yourself, you’re worth it.
9) Losing yourself
The most crucial sign that you’re unknowingly feeding a narcissist’s ego is when you start losing yourself in the process.
You might find yourself changing to suit their preferences, neglecting your own interests and passions, or even compromising your values and principles.
You may be so focused on pleasing them that you forget about your own happiness and well-being.
Here’s the takeaway – never lose sight of who you are for the sake of someone else’s ego.
You are unique, valuable, and deserving of a relationship that respects and cherishes your individuality.
Remember, a healthy relationship should enhance your life, not diminish it. Always prioritize self-love and self-respect.
Reflection and moving forward
If you’ve identified with several of these signs, it’s possible you’re dealing with a narcissist. But remember, that’s not your fault, and you’re not alone in this.
Renowned psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula asserts, “Narcissists are masters at manipulation. They can make you question your reality and can lead you to constantly second-guess yourself.”
If you’re feeling drained, belittled, or always in the wrong, it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship. Loving someone should not mean losing yourself or enabling their harmful behavior.
“Understanding that you are not the problem is a massive step towards healing and freeing yourself from the destructive impact of a narcissistic relationship,” Dr. Durvasula adds.
Whether you choose to stay or leave, remember that your feelings, needs, and happiness matter. It’s crucial to set healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care.
This article isn’t intended to diagnose your partner or label them as a narcissist. Instead, it’s meant to shed light on certain behaviors that could be harmful for you and your mental health.
Identifying one or even a few of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is a narcissist.
However, recognizing these signs can help you reflect on whether your relationship is truly healthy and fulfilling for you.
Remember, it’s okay to seek professional help when dealing with such complex situations. A therapist or counselor can provide valuable insights and strategies on how to navigate this journey.
Take this moment to reflect – Are you thriving in your relationship? Are you being true to yourself?
Trust yourself; you know what’s best for you.
