Minh Tran
We often talk about the importance of self-love, taking care of our own needs, and being our own cheerleader. But what if you’re unknowingly doing the exact opposite?
Indeed, self-abandonment is a subtle and elusive concept. It’s not always easy to spot, even when you’re the one doing it.
It’s like living in a house with a leaky roof. You might not notice it at first, but over time, the damage becomes more apparent and harder to ignore.
Psychology provides us with some insightful clues about this phenomenon. It tells us that we might be self-abandoning without even realizing it.
Now, you might be thinking: “Self-abandoning? That’s not me!” And maybe it isn’t. But wouldn’t you like to be sure?
It’s time to explore 7 subtle signs that you might be self-abandoning without even realizing it.
After all, the first step in fixing a leaky roof is spotting where the rain is getting in.
1) You’re constantly seeking validation from others
How often do you find yourself looking for approval or validation from other people? Whether it’s about your appearance, your work, or even your thoughts and ideas, relying on others to affirm your worth is a classic sign of self-abandonment.
When you seek external validation, you’re essentially deferring your personal worth to others’ opinions. This could mean that you’re not giving yourself the credit or self-love that you truly deserve.
This behavior can be a subtle way of saying that our own views about ourselves are not as important as what others think of us.
But remember, self-validation is the key to authentic self-love and acceptance. It’s about looking into the mirror and saying “I am enough” just as I am, without needing anyone else to echo it back.
Next time you’re about to seek validation from someone else, pause for a moment. Ask yourself why their approval matters so much. Could it be that you’re neglecting to affirm your own worth?
2) You’re often plagued by guilt
Guilt can be a powerful emotion, and it’s one I’m all too familiar with. I remember a time when I was constantly feeling guilty about my own needs and desires.
I thought that prioritizing myself was selfish, and so, I would end up putting everyone else’s needs before my own. I felt guilty about wanting to take a break, spend some time alone, or even pursue a personal passion.
It took me a while to realize that this guilt was a sign of self-abandonment. I was ignoring my own needs and desires because I didn’t want to disappoint others. But in doing so, I was disappointing myself.
Psychology tells us that such feelings of guilt can be a sign we’re not taking care of ourselves as much as we should.
So next time you feel that pang of guilt for wanting to put yourself first, take a moment to reflect on it. Ask yourself: are you feeling guilty because you’re abandoning your own needs?
3) You’re afraid to say no
No. It’s a simple word, right? Just two letters. And yet, for many people, it’s one of the most terrifying words to utter.
I had this fear of saying no. Whether it was taking on extra work when my plate was already full, or agreeing to attend social events when I’d rather have some quiet time, I struggled with setting boundaries.
Why? Because I had this irrational fear that saying no would make me unlikable. That it would lead to rejection. And so, I constantly found myself saying yes, even when everything within me screamed no.
But here’s what psychology tells us: Saying yes when you want to say no is a form of self-abandonment.
You see, every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, you’re saying no to yourself. You’re neglecting your own needs and desires to please others.
And that’s not healthy.
4) You’re always blaming yourself
Do you find yourself taking the blame for things that are out of your control? A friend upset? Must be something you did. Project at work didn’t go as planned? It’s probably your fault.
This tendency to internalize blame and berate ourselves for everything that goes wrong can be a sign of self-abandonment.
When we constantly blame ourselves, we’re ignoring the fact that we’re human and that making mistakes is part of our growth. Instead, we’re punishing ourselves harshly for every perceived failure or setback.
This habit can erode our self-esteem and reinforce the belief that we’re not good enough.
Remember, it’s crucial to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding. We all make mistakes, and it’s how we learn and grow.
Next time you find yourself shouldering the blame, step back. Ask yourself if you’re truly at fault or if you’re just defaulting to self-blame out of habit. This simple act of reflection can help break the cycle of self-abandonment and pave the way for self-compassion and growth.
5) You’re neglecting your physical needs
Here’s something interesting: your body and mind are deeply interconnected. When one suffers, the other tends to follow suit.
So, when you’re ignoring your physical needs—be it sleep, nutrition, or exercise—you’re essentially neglecting a crucial part of your identity.
Many of us live in a fast-paced world where it’s all too easy to put off that doctor’s appointment, skip meals, or sacrifice sleep for productivity. But in doing so, we might be unconsciously abandoning ourselves.
Psychology underscores the importance of taking care of our physical health for our overall well-being.
So, if you’re frequently neglecting your physical needs, it might be a sign you’re self-abandoning without even realizing it.
Remember, taking care of your body is just as important as taking care of your mind. They’re two sides of the same coin.
6) You’re always trying to be perfect
Perfection. It’s a pursuit that can feel both compelling and exhausting. If you find yourself striving for perfection in every aspect of your life, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too.
It’s easy to get caught up in the belief that we need to be perfect to be worthy. But when we constantly chase after an unattainable ideal, we’re setting ourselves up for constant disappointment and self-criticism.
This relentless pursuit of perfection could be a sign of self-abandonment. We’re essentially rejecting our authentic selves—the versions of us that are beautifully imperfect and uniquely flawed.
Remember, being human means being imperfect. It’s these imperfections that make us who we are.
If you find yourself trapped in the cycle of perfectionism, try to show yourself some kindness. Accept yourself as you are, flaws and all. After all, it’s our imperfections that make us uniquely beautiful and deeply human.
7) You’re ignoring your emotions
Here’s the thing: our emotions are important. They’re signals from our inner selves, telling us about what we need or how we’re really feeling.
If you find yourself constantly brushing off your feelings—be it sadness, anger, or even joy—you might be self-abandoning without realizing it.
When we ignore or suppress our emotions, we’re essentially telling ourselves that our feelings don’t matter. That they’re not valid. And that is a form of self-abandonment.
Psychology emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating our emotions as a part of self-care and self-love.
So, listen to your emotions. They’re a part of you. They matter. And so do you.
Final thoughts
If you’ve recognized yourself in these signs, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Many of us fall into the habit of self-abandonment without even realizing it.
But here’s the silver lining – recognizing this habit is the first step towards change.
With a bit of self-awareness and conscious effort, these patterns can be altered. The goal isn’t to become perfect, but to be more self-compassionate and attentive to your own needs.
Begin by spotting instances where you’re abandoning yourself. Notice when you’re dismissing your feelings or neglecting your physical well-being. Pay attention when you’re not voicing your opinion or setting boundaries.
Once you’re aware of these behaviors, it becomes easier to pause and reflect in the moment.
Ask yourself – am I honoring my needs and feelings? Does this align with my values? Am I being authentic to who I am?
It’s a gradual process, and that’s okay. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
And who knows? As you learn to stop abandoning yourself, you might discover the most authentic version of you—the one who loves, values, and respects herself just as she is.
