7 subtle habits of people who have no friends to call when they’re feeling down, according to psychology

For years, I found myself grappling with a harsh reality.

The truth was:

• I was often feeling down
• I had no close bonds to lean on
• I was stuck in a cycle of solitude.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast. A few years ago, I found myself in this exact position: alone and unsure of how to break the cycle.

In those moments, my thoughts would spiral, and I’d find myself wishing for a friend to call, someone who could lend an ear or offer a kind word. But the harsh reality was that there were no such calls.

It was a tough place to be. 

Then I stumbled upon some intriguing psychological research about subtle habits of people who often find themselves without friends to call when they’re feeling low. 

In this article, I’ll share these 7 subtle habits with you. They’ve helped me navigate my own journey, and hopefully they can do the same for you. Let’s dive in.

1) They avoid social interactions

One psychological insight that struck a chord with me was the tendency for people who often find themselves without friends to call when feeling low, to avoid social interactions.

In my case, I was unwittingly pushing people away. I’d convince myself that I was fine on my own and didn’t need anyone else. I’d decline invitations, dodge gatherings and generally keep to myself.

It sounds counterintuitive, but in retrospect, it made sense. In a way, I was protecting myself from potential rejection or disappointment. However, this habit was only deepening my feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Psychology suggests that human beings are social creatures. We need meaningful connections with others to thrive and maintain overall well-being.

By avoiding social interactions, I was denying myself the chance to form these bonds.

Once I recognized this habit, I made conscious efforts to engage more with others. It felt awkward and challenging at first, but over time it became easier and eventually led to me forming deeper connections with those around me.

2) They struggle to express their feelings

I remember a particular evening when I was feeling particularly low. A friend had asked me how I was doing. Instead of opening up about how I was feeling, I simply replied with a non-committal, “I’m fine.”

This habit of emotional suppression often led to feelings of isolation and loneliness. It’s like erecting an invisible wall between yourself and others, keeping them at arm’s length.

I realized that by not expressing my feelings, I was not only isolating myself, but also denying others the opportunity to listen and understand me.

So, I made a conscious effort to start expressing my feelings more openly. It was difficult at first. There’s a vulnerability that comes with opening up emotionally. But over time, it became easier, and it paved the way for deeper connections with people around me.

If you’re finding it hard to express your feelings, remember that it’s okay to be vulnerable. Sharing your emotions doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. And it opens the door for stronger connections with those around you.

3) They often overthink social scenarios

A third habit that became apparent to me was my tendency to overthink social scenarios. I would replay conversations in my head, scrutinize my own words and actions, and worry about how others perceived me.

I can recall a time when I attended a social gathering. My mind was constantly racing with thoughts like, “Did I say something weird?” or “Do they think I’m boring?” Instead of enjoying the event and engaging with people, I was trapped in an endless loop of self-doubt and anxiety.

This overthinking only served to intensify my feelings of loneliness and disconnection. It created a false narrative in my mind that I was socially inadequate and unworthy of friendship.

Recognizing this habit was a major turning point for me. I made a conscious effort to stop overanalyzing every social interaction and started to challenge the negative thoughts that came up.

This shift in perspective helped alleviate my anxiety and allowed me to start enjoying social interactions more fully. Taking this step might seem challenging but believe me, it’s worth it.

You’ll find yourself more at ease in social settings and more open to forming meaningful connections.

4) They have a negative self-perception

In my journey of self-discovery, I realized another common trait: a negative self-perception. I often saw myself as uninteresting, unimportant and unworthy of companionship.

This distorted self-view acted as a barrier, preventing me from reaching out and forming connections with others.

I remember looking in the mirror one day and thinking, “Why would anyone want to be friends with me?” This negative self-perception was a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading me to isolate myself even more.

A study by the University of Texas at Austin supports this notion. The research found that people who are more prone to loneliness tend to have more negative perceptions of themselves and their social interactions.

Realizing this was a wake-up call for me. I started working on improving my self-perception. I began affirming my worth and reminding myself that everyone has unique qualities that make them interesting and important.

5) They lack self-confidence

In social situations, I’d find myself shrinking back, allowing others to lead the conversation while I simply listened. I was convinced that I had nothing valuable to contribute and that my opinions and thoughts were unimportant.

This lack of self-confidence made it difficult for me to establish connections with others. It felt as if there was an invisible barrier preventing me from fully engaging in social interactions.

Recognizing this habit was a turning point for me. I realized that if I wanted to build meaningful relationships, I needed to start believing in myself.

I began taking small steps to boost my confidence. This involved setting achievable goals, celebrating small victories, and practicing positive affirmations.

Gradually, I started feeling more confident in social situations – and this increased confidence allowed me to connect more deeply with others.

If you’re struggling with self-confidence like I was, remember: everyone has something valuable to contribute. Believe in yourself and your worth. It’s the first step towards forming meaningful connections with others.

6) They fear rejection

There was a time when I was invited to a party by a coworker. I remember feeling anxious and apprehensive. What if I didn’t fit in? What if they didn’t like me? Instead of facing these fears, I chose to stay home.

This fear of rejection kept me isolated and prevented me from forming potential friendships.

I realized that by letting my fear of rejection control my actions, I was choosing safety over growth. But growth – personal, emotional, social – often involves stepping out of our comfort zone and facing our fears.

So, I decided to confront my fear head-on. The next time an invitation came, I accepted it despite my anxieties. Was it uncomfortable? Absolutely. But it was also liberating and a stepping stone towards forming meaningful connections.

Choose growth over safety. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable – that’s where real growth happens.

7) They try too hard to make friends

The final habit might seem counterintuitive: trying too hard to make friends. In my eagerness to connect with others, I found myself trying to be someone I wasn’t.

I’d change my opinions to match others’, act in ways that weren’t true to my nature, all in an attempt to fit in and be liked.

In trying too hard, I was sacrificing my authenticity, which is key to forming genuine connections.

As psychologist Brené Brown said, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

Taking these words to heart, I started focusing on being true to myself. Instead of trying to fit into a mold, I embraced my interests and opinions.

So here’s a practical tip: Join groups or activities that genuinely interest you. Be true to yourself and the right people – those who appreciate you for who you truly are – will come into your life. It’s about quality, not quantity.

Conclusion

Understanding these 7 habits is the first step towards breaking the cycle of feeling down with no friends to call.

Remember, everyone has moments of loneliness and isolation – it’s part of being human. But by recognizing these habits and consciously working to change them, you can start building meaningful connections with people around you.

My parting advice is this: Be patient with yourself. Change takes time. Don’t be too hard on yourself if progress seems slow. Every small step you take towards positive change is a victory.

You are worthy of friendship and connection. You are enough just as you are.

Keep moving forward, one step at a time.