7 signs you have a friendly nature but a lack of confidence stops you from making new connections

I’ve always considered myself a friendly person. I enjoy being around people, I care about others, and I genuinely want to connect.

But when it comes to actually putting myself out there, something holds me back. I overthink, second-guess myself, and sometimes avoid social situations altogether. It’s not that I don’t want to make new connections—I just don’t have the confidence to take that first step.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people with warm and kind personalities struggle with self-doubt when meeting new people. The good news? Recognizing the signs is the first step toward breaking free from those fears.

Here are 7 signs you have a friendly nature—but a lack of confidence is stopping you from making new connections.

1) You wait for others to start the conversation

You enjoy talking to people, but you rarely make the first move. Instead, you wait for someone else to start the conversation, and if they don’t, you tell yourself they probably weren’t interested anyway.

The truth is, most people are just as caught up in their own thoughts as you are. They might be waiting for you to make the first move.

Confidence isn’t about always knowing what to say—it’s about being okay with putting yourself out there. A simple “Hey, how’s your day going?” can be all it takes to break the ice and open the door to a new connection.

2) You overthink what you’re going to say

I can’t count the number of times I’ve been in a social situation, wanting to join a conversation, but stopping myself because I wasn’t sure if what I had to say was “interesting enough.”

I’d rehearse a comment in my head over and over, trying to make it sound just right—only to miss my chance entirely because the moment passed. Then I’d kick myself for staying quiet.

The truth is, most people aren’t analyzing your words the way you are. They’re just happy to have a conversation. The more I learned to speak without overthinking, the easier it became to connect with others.

3) You assume people aren’t interested in getting to know you

When you lack confidence, it’s easy to believe that others don’t really want to talk to you. You might convince yourself that they’re just being polite or that they already have enough friends.

But studies have shown that people tend to underestimate how much others enjoy talking to them.

In reality, most people appreciate when someone takes an interest in them and are open to new connections—they just don’t always show it outright.

Instead of assuming rejection, try assuming the opposite. You might be surprised by how many people are happy to engage when you give them the chance.

4) You replay conversations in your head after they’re over

After a social interaction, do you find yourself going over everything you said, wondering if you sounded awkward or if you said the “wrong” thing?

This habit comes from self-doubt. When you lack confidence, it’s easy to focus on tiny moments that probably didn’t matter to anyone else but feel huge in your mind.

The reality is, most people aren’t analyzing your words—they’re too busy thinking about their own. Letting go of this habit can free you to be more present in conversations instead of worrying about them later.

5) You avoid social events unless you know someone there

If there’s a gathering or event, you’ll only consider going if you know at least one person who will be there. Otherwise, the idea of walking into a room full of strangers feels overwhelming, and you’d rather just stay home.

The thought process goes something like this: “What if I have no one to talk to? What if I just stand there awkwardly, feeling out of place?” So instead of taking the risk, you convince yourself you wouldn’t have enjoyed it anyway.

But the times I’ve pushed myself to go—even when it felt uncomfortable—are the times I’ve walked away feeling proud of myself.

More often than not, I ended up having a good time and meeting people I never would have crossed paths with otherwise.

6) You downplay yourself in conversations

When someone gives you a compliment, do you brush it off or immediately shift the focus away from yourself? Maybe you have an interesting story to share but hesitate because you don’t want to come across as bragging.

This comes from a lack of confidence in your own worth. You don’t want to take up too much space or risk sounding arrogant, so you shrink yourself instead.

But people enjoy being around those who own their strengths without apology. Learning to accept compliments with a simple “Thank you” and sharing your experiences without fear can make conversations feel more natural—and help others see the real you.

7) You mistake friendliness for connection

You’re warm, kind, and easy to talk to—but still feel like you struggle to form real connections. You might have plenty of surface-level interactions, yet deep down, you feel invisible or disconnected.

That’s because being friendly isn’t the same as letting people see you. If you’re always focused on making others comfortable but never allowing yourself to be vulnerable, relationships stay on the surface.

Confidence isn’t just about speaking up or making the first move—it’s also about believing that who you are is worth knowing.

Bottom line: Confidence is built, not innate

The ability to form new connections isn’t just about being friendly—it’s about having the confidence to let yourself be seen.

Psychologists have found that confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have; it’s something that can be developed through repeated action.

The more you challenge your fears—whether it’s starting a conversation, attending an event alone, or simply speaking without overthinking—the more natural it becomes.

Over time, what once felt impossible starts to feel like second nature.

And the connections you’ve been longing for? They become easier to create, not because you’ve changed who you are, but because you’ve finally stopped holding yourself back.