People who go no-contact with their parents often experienced these 8 things growing up

When someone goes no-contact with their parents, it’s often a last resort. If someone cuts off all communication, you can be pretty certain there’s a story of pain behind it.

Understanding these stories isn’t always straightforward. After all, families are complex, and so are the circumstances that shape us.

However, there are some common threads that run through many of these narratives. And those threads often weave together a story of eight specific experiences in childhood.

This isn’t a light topic by any means. But it’s important to understand these experiences to empathize with those who’ve had to make such a tough decision.

So, let’s dive right in and shed some light on what many people who go no-contact with their parents may have experienced while growing up.

1) Lack of emotional support

Emotional support is a fundamental part of childhood.

It’s the comforting hug when you’re upset, the reassurance when you’re scared, and the cheering on the sidelines when you’re out there doing your best. It’s about feeling seen, heard, and valued.

But for some, this support was absent or inconsistent growing up. They might have felt like their feelings were brushed aside, invalidated or ignored entirely.

In such cases, emotions can become a battlefield rather than a gateway to understanding and connection.

This lack of emotional support can make it difficult to form secure attachments and build healthy relationships later in life.

And sometimes, the only way to heal from such emotional wounds is to distance oneself from the source. To go no-contact. But remember, it’s never an easy decision to make.

It’s complex and painful, but sometimes necessary for one’s mental and emotional wellbeing.

2) Unpredictable behavior

Growing up, my house was like a ticking bomb.

One moment, everything would be calm. The next, an explosion of anger or frustration would erupt from one or both of my parents.

There was no rhyme or reason to it, and it left me constantly on edge, never knowing when the next outburst would come.

The unpredictability made me feel unsafe and stressed. I often found myself walking on eggshells, trying to avoid being the trigger for the next emotional eruption.

As a child, I didn’t understand why my parents behaved the way they did. As an adult, I realized that their unpredictable behavior was more about them than it was about me.

But the impact of those years lingered. It took me a long time to unlearn the fear and anxiety that had become second nature to me.

And ultimately, going no-contact was a part of that healing process.

It wasn’t a decision I took lightly. But it was one that I felt was necessary for my own peace and well-being.

3) Parentification

Imagine being a child but having to take on adult responsibilities. That’s what parentification is all about.

In some households, kids find themselves taking care of their siblings, managing household chores, or even handling the emotional needs of their parents.

And while a certain level of responsibility can be good for a child’s development, parentification takes it to an extreme.

It shifts the natural balance of the parent-child relationship and forces children to grow up too quickly.

It robs them of their childhood and can lead to feelings of resentment and exhaustion.

In the United States alone, there are millions of children acting as caregivers for their siblings or parents.

And for many of these kids, going no-contact later in life can feel like the only way to reclaim their lost childhood and establish boundaries that should have been there from the start.

4) Neglect

Neglect comes in many forms, and it’s not always as visible as other types of abuse.

It could be physical, where a child’s basic needs for food, clothing, and shelter aren’t met. Or it could be emotional, where a child’s need for love, connection, and support is overlooked.

Growing up with neglect can leave deep scars. It can make a child feel unworthy of love and care, and this belief can seep into their adult relationships and self-perception.

For some, going no-contact is an act of self-preservation. It’s a way to break free from the cycle of neglect and start building a healthier relationship with oneself and others.

5) Overbearing control

I remember growing up under the watchful eyes of control.

Every decision had to be approved, every action was scrutinized, and any deviation from the set path was met with harsh criticism.

There was no room for mistakes or growth, only the relentless pressure to conform and obey.

I often felt like a puppet on a string, dancing to a tune I didn’t choose. My dreams, my desires, my individuality – they all took a backseat to the expectations and demands of my parents.

As an adult, I realized that this overbearing control wasn’t normal. It wasn’t healthy. And it wasn’t something I wanted in my life any longer.

Going no-contact for me was about regaining control over my own life. It was about setting boundaries and asserting my right to make decisions for myself.

It was about reclaiming my independence and giving myself the freedom to be who I truly am.

6) Excessive praise

While it may seem like a positive thing, excessive praise can actually be quite damaging.

Growing up, some children are constantly put on a pedestal by their parents.

Every achievement is lauded, every success is celebrated excessively, often to the point where the child starts to feel like they’re only as good as their latest accomplishment.

This can create an immense amount of pressure to always excel and a deep-rooted fear of failure.

It can also lead to a distorted sense of self where worth is tied to performance rather than inherent value.

For those who’ve experienced this, going no-contact can be a way to escape the relentless cycle of expectations and pressure, and to start defining their worth on their own terms.

7) Inconsistent parenting

Consistency is key in parenting. It provides a sense of stability and predictability that children need to feel secure.

But not everyone grows up with consistent parenting.

Some parents oscillate between extremes – from being overly involved and controlling to being distant and neglectful. This inconsistency can be confusing and distressing for a child.

In such environments, children often struggle to understand where they stand and what to expect from their parents.

It can lead to feelings of insecurity and uncertainty that persist into adulthood.

For many, going no-contact becomes a way to establish consistency in their own lives – something they may not have experienced in their childhood.

8) Absence of love

At the heart of all these experiences, there’s a common thread – the absence of unconditional love and acceptance.

Without it, a child can feel lost, unimportant, and unworthy. These feelings can carry on into adulthood, affecting self-esteem and relationships.

Going no-contact is often not about blaming or punishing the parents.

It’s about healing from the past and building a future where love, respect, and care are not just expected, but given freely and unconditionally.

Reflections

Going through these eight experiences is unquestionably tough. But if you’ve been there, know that you’re not alone.

Millions of people worldwide have walked similar paths. And many have found that going no-contact, although painful, is often a step towards healing and personal growth.

It’s about setting boundaries, reclaiming your independence, and learning to prioritize your own mental and emotional wellbeing.

Remember, it’s okay to choose yourself. It’s okay to say ‘no’ when relationships drain you more than they nourish you.

Going no-contact doesn’t make you a bad person. It signifies that you value your peace and are courageous enough to make tough decisions to protect it.

Remember, every step you take towards healing is a step forward. Keep moving. Keep growing. Keep choosing yourself.