Mastering the art of self-love: 8 tips for people who don’t know where to start

Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and mindfulness enthusiast, and I’m here to discuss the art of self-love.

Self-love isn’t about being narcissistic or thinking you’re perfect. It’s about accepting yourself as you are, with all your flaws and imperfections.

It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you’d give to others.

Mastering self-love isn’t easy, especially if you don’t know where to start. It’s a journey that takes patience and practice. But fear not, I’ve got some tips to help guide you on this journey.

In this article, I’ll be sharing 8 tips for those who are just starting out on their self-love journey.

These are simple yet effective ways you can begin to cultivate love and respect for yourself.

So, let’s dive in!

1. Start with acceptance

The first step to mastering self-love is acceptance.

It’s not about ignoring your flaws or pretending they don’t exist, but rather acknowledging them and understanding that they are part of who you are.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you stop striving for improvement, but it means you stop beating yourself up for not being perfect.

It’s about understanding that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that’s okay.

Remember, it’s impossible to love something we don’t accept. And that applies to ourselves too. Acceptance is the foundation on which self-love is built.

2. Practice self-care

Self-care is an integral part of self-love.

It’s about taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional health. It’s about doing things that make you feel good and replenish your energy.

I remember a time when I was constantly burning the candle at both ends.

Between running Hack Spirit, attending mindfulness conferences, and trying to maintain a social life, I was stretched too thin.

I was always tired, irritable, and just not feeling my best.

That’s when I realized I needed to prioritize self-care. I started with small changes like ensuring I got enough sleep, eating healthier, and setting aside time each day for meditation.

It made a world of difference. Not only did I feel better physically, but my mental and emotional health improved as well.

3. Let go of comparison

This is a big one. In our hyper-connected world, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others.

We see people’s highlight reels on social media and start feeling inadequate.

But here’s the thing: Comparison is the thief of joy. It doesn’t lead to self-love, it leads to self-doubt.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve into this idea.

The book discusses how Buddhism teaches us that every individual’s journey is unique – there is no room for comparison.

We need to focus on our own growth and progress, rather than measuring ourselves against others. This doesn’t mean we can’t learn from or be inspired by others, but we need to remember that their path is not our path.

So, let go of comparison. Focus on your own journey. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. 

4. Practice self-compassion

Psychology has a term for the ability to be kind and understanding towards oneself during times of pain or failure – it’s called self-compassion.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading expert in the field, self-compassion consists of three components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self-kindness involves understanding that everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay to not be perfect.

Common humanity recognizes that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of shared human experience.

Finally, mindfulness is about acknowledging our negative emotions without judging them or letting them consume us.

Self-compassion encourages us to treat ourselves with the same kindness we’d extend to a friend in a similar situation. It’s about acknowledging our struggles without belittling them or blowing them out of proportion.

Practicing self-compassion is a powerful way to cultivate self-love. It allows us to view ourselves with kindness and understanding, even when we stumble or fall.

5. Embrace your imperfections

This might sound counter-intuitive, but hear me out. Embracing imperfections doesn’t mean we stop striving for improvement. Instead, it’s about understanding that perfection is an unrealistic, unattainable standard.

We all have flaws and make mistakes – it’s part of being human. Instead of beating ourselves up over them, we should see them as opportunities for growth and learning.

Brene Brown, a research professor and author, speaks about the power of vulnerability and how our imperfections make us human and relatable.

Embracing our imperfections helps us to connect with others on a more authentic level.

So, instead of striving for perfection, strive for progress.

Learn from your mistakes, grow from them, and remember that it’s these very imperfections that make you uniquely you.

6. Set healthy boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is an important aspect of self-love. It’s about understanding what you need to maintain your well-being and making sure those needs are met.

Boundaries can be physical or emotional, and they can range from being clear about your personal space to expressing your feelings and needs in relationships.

They’re about respecting your own needs and ensuring others respect them too.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting people out. It’s about ensuring you’re not overextending yourself or allowing others to take advantage of you.

7. Prioritize mental health

Just as we go for regular check-ups to maintain our physical health, we need to prioritize our mental health as well. It’s not something that should be pushed aside or ignored.

There were times when I was so caught up in my work and responsibilities that I neglected my mental health.

I didn’t realize how much it affected me until I found myself constantly stressed, anxious, and unable to focus.

It’s important to recognize the signs when you’re feeling overwhelmed or burnt out and take steps to address it.

This could mean seeking professional help, practicing mindfulness, or simply taking some time off to relax and recharge.

8. Nurture positive relationships

The company we keep can greatly influence our self-perception and self-love. Surrounding ourselves with positive, uplifting people who respect and value us helps reinforce our own feelings of self-worth.

It’s equally important to distance ourselves from toxic or negative relationships that drain our energy or make us feel less than.

Nurturing healthy relationships involves mutual respect, understanding, and support. It’s about building connections that enrich our lives and boost our self-esteem.

When we value ourselves, we attract people who value us too.

So be mindful of the company you keep. After all, we are often a reflection of the five people we spend the most time with.

Final thoughts: It begins within

Mastering the art of self-love is a personal journey. It’s about introspection, acceptance, and understanding that you are enough just as you are.

This journey isn’t always easy. There will be bumps along the way, moments of self-doubt, and times when you may feel like giving up. But remember, every step you take towards self-love is a step towards a happier, more fulfilled you.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve into how Buddhist teachings can help us find inner peace and foster self-love.

The philosophy encourages us to look within ourselves for happiness and contentment, rather than seeking it externally.

So as you embark on this journey of self-love, remember to be patient with yourself. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. And most importantly, remember that you are deserving of love and kindness, especially from yourself.