If you want to master the art of small talk, say goodbye to these 8 little habits

Small talk can be a source of dread for many of us.

You walk into a networking event or a friend’s party, and suddenly, your mind goes blank.

You’re left awkwardly smiling, feeling the weight of silence, and thinking, “Why can’t I do this better?”

But here’s the thing: small talk doesn’t have to be painful. In fact, it can be a gateway to meaningful conversations and genuine connections—if you know which habits to ditch.

Over the years, I’ve learned that mastering the art of small talk isn’t just about learning what to say.

It’s also about letting go of certain behaviors that make the whole experience more complicated than it needs to be.

Below, I’ll share eight little habits that might be holding you back from being an engaging small-talk superstar. Let’s dive in.

1. Overthinking every single word

Ever found yourself crafting the “perfect” sentence in your head, only to miss the natural flow of conversation?

I used to be a champion at this—I’d analyze every line I uttered, worried that I’d say something stupid or offensive.

But the truth is, nobody expects you to be Shakespeare. People appreciate authenticity more than they value a perfectly rehearsed response.

People who engage in spontaneous, genuine conversation are generally viewed as more likable than those who try too hard to say the “right” thing.

If you catch yourself overthinking, take a deep breath. Relax and let the conversation unfold organically.

The best small talk happens when you’re willing to be just a little vulnerable—not reciting a script in your head.

2. Focusing only on yourself

Let’s face it: talking about ourselves can feel really good.

We’re the subject we know most intimately.

But if you hog the spotlight in a conversation, you’ll come across as self-centered—or worse, oblivious to the other person’s presence.

In the words of Carl Rogers, a renowned psychologist, “We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding.”

Rogers believed that a deep desire to understand the other person is central to any meaningful interaction.

When you start dominating the conversation with personal stories, you deny the other person the chance to share.

Of course, telling a story or two about your day is perfectly fine—nobody expects you to be a human microphone.

Just remember to ask open-ended questions and invite the other person to chime in.

A simple shift from “Let me tell you about my weekend” to “How was your weekend? What did you get up to?” can transform a one-sided talk into a genuine dialogue.

3. Relying on mindless clichés

We’ve all been there: “Nice weather today, huh?” or “How about those sports teams?” On the one hand, these clichés can help break the ice.

On the other, overusing them leads to shallow interactions that rarely go anywhere meaningful.

I realized this myself when I started noticing how people’s eyes would glaze over after hearing the same worn-out lines.

Small talk doesn’t have to be restricted to weather updates.

Sharing a quick anecdote or an interesting fact can spark a more memorable conversation than a dull, overused phrase.

For instance, instead of “That’s a nice shirt,” try: “I love the color of that shirt—does it remind you of anything? I’m really into bright colors right now!”

Suddenly, you’ve got a chance to talk about favorite colors, personal styles, or even the last concert you attended.

It might sound silly, but it’s worlds more engaging than the standard “Nice top.”

4. Ignoring body language

You might have the best conversation topics in the world, but if your body language screams “Stay away,” people will pick up on it.

As the Dalai Lama has said, “A truly compassionate attitude toward others does not change even if they behave negatively or hurt you.”

While that quote may refer to compassion, it also highlights how our genuine intent (which shows in our posture, expressions, and gestures) can overshadow mere words.

If you’re slouching, crossing your arms, or avoiding eye contact, your conversation partner might feel that you’re not interested.

Lean in a bit, make gentle eye contact, and keep your arms relaxed.

A warm smile or a nod can signal that you’re actively engaged, even if you’re saying very little.

I’ve talked about this before but it’s worth emphasizing: nonverbal cues often matter more than verbal ones.

So check your posture and facial expressions, and let them reflect genuine curiosity and openness.

5. Failing to ask open-ended questions

Picture this scenario:

“Do you like your job?”
“Yes.”
“Cool… so, how long have you worked there?”
“A while.”
“Nice…”

That’s basically a slow death for any conversation.

Asking open-ended questions—those that require more than a “yes” or “no” response—encourages depth.

If you’re at a networking event, try, “What drew you to your line of work?” or “What’s your favorite part of what you do?”

This invites stories and insights rather than shutting down the conversation.

Believe it or not, many people are thrilled to talk about themselves if they sense genuine interest. You’ll stand out in the best way by making them feel heard.

If you think about it, a great small talk session is less about the lines you deliver and more about the space you create for someone else to open up.

6. Not really listening

Ever catch yourself nodding along while your mind wanders to your grocery list or your next Netflix binge?

It’s easy to slip into passive listening, especially when you’re in a crowded or loud environment.

But real listening—where you’re mentally present and processing what the other person is saying—is a game-changer for small talk.

Research from the Harvard Business Review suggests that active listening can significantly improve workplace relationships and networking outcomes.

And I’d argue that it works just as well outside of the office.

When people notice you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say, they feel more comfortable, valued, and open to sharing more.

Try repeating or rephrasing what they’ve just said to confirm you understood them correctly.

Something like: “So you’re telling me your trip to Italy changed the way you see art entirely.

That’s amazing—can you tell me more about what you learned there?” This small gesture proves you’re actually paying attention and invites them to explore their thoughts further.

7. Revealing too much, too soon

Ever meet someone who unloads their life story onto you within minutes?

As much as I value authenticity, there’s a difference between being open and overwhelming your conversation partner with personal confessions.

It took me a while to find the right balance.

When I was younger, I thought sharing a lot right off the bat would show sincerity and help me bond quickly. But it turns out, going from zero to TMI can make people uncomfortable.

They might not know how to respond to deeply personal information so early on.

The key is matching the vibe and pace of the conversation.

If you sense the other person is willing to open up about deeper topics, gradually ease into them together. But if they seem a bit reserved, start with lighter subjects.

Genuine connections develop over time, and trust is something you build in layers.

8. Always trying to one-up

We’ve all encountered that person: no matter what story you share, they have one that’s bigger, crazier, or more dramatic. “Oh, you ran a 5K this weekend? Cool, I just did my second marathon.” Or “You tried a new sushi place? I was in Japan last month tasting the real deal.”

Even if your experiences do top someone else’s, always trotting them out in conversation can come across as arrogant or dismissive of what the other person is sharing.

There’s a fine line between sharing your excitement and overshadowing someone else’s moment.

A better approach is to build on what they’re saying with interest.

Ask questions or share a related experience—without making it a competition.

This creates a sense of camaraderie rather than rivalry.

I remember reading that humility is a cornerstone in many Eastern philosophies, a point I also discuss in Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego.

You don’t have to play it small, but a genuine conversation often flourishes from respecting someone else’s experiences as much as you do your own.

Final words

Small talk doesn’t have to be dreaded.

In many ways, it’s just another avenue for human connection.

The secret is to drop the habits that create distance rather than closeness.

Whether it’s overthinking your lines, constantly steering the conversation back to yourself, or never letting the other person get a word in, these tendencies can all sabotage what could be an enjoyable interaction.

At HackSpirit, we’re big on the idea that every moment is an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery—even those moments that seem small or trivial.

By letting go of these eight habits, you can turn awkward chit-chat into something a little more meaningful. You might even find yourself forging real bonds in places you least expect.

So next time you’re waiting in line for coffee or attending a social event, remember: small talk isn’t just filler—it’s a small window into a bigger connection.

Ditch the habits that keep you closed off, and you’ll discover just how effortless and enriching small talk can truly be.