Minh Tran
There was a time when I thrived in social settings. Meeting new people, striking up conversations, and putting myself out there felt effortless.
But then the pandemic happened.
At first, I thought the change was temporary. I told myself I just needed time to adjust, that things would go back to normal soon enough. But as the months stretched on, I found myself withdrawing more and more.
The idea of socializing started to feel exhausting. My confidence took a hit, and before I knew it, I barely recognized myself.
It wasn’t just about being out of practice—it was something deeper. I felt stuck, unsure of how to reconnect with the version of me who once thrived in the world.
If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. But here’s what I’ve learned: losing your mojo doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.
Last year, I made a conscious effort to rebuild my confidence step by step. It wasn’t always easy, but looking back, I can see just how much these small actions helped me find my spark again.
Here are the eight things that made all the difference.
1) I stopped waiting to feel confident before taking action
For a long time, I kept telling myself that once I felt more confident, I’d start putting myself out there again. I thought if I just gave it time, that old version of me would naturally come back.
But confidence doesn’t work like that.
I realized that waiting to feel ready was keeping me stuck. Instead of sitting around hoping for my mojo to magically return, I had to start doing the things that once made me feel confident—even when I didn’t feel like it.
I started small. A quick chat with a barista, a message to an old friend, saying yes to an invite even when I felt awkward about it. Each little step reminded me that confidence isn’t something you wait for—it’s something you build by taking action.
2) I embraced feeling awkward instead of avoiding it
Once I stopped waiting to feel confident, I quickly realized something—I felt awkward all the time.
And for a while, that made me want to retreat again.
I remember going to a small gathering after months of barely socializing. As I stood there, drink in hand, I could feel myself overanalyzing everything. Was I talking too much? Not enough? Did I seem weird? The more I worried about it, the more unnatural I felt.
But then I noticed something: nobody else seemed to care. Conversations flowed, people laughed, and the world kept spinning whether or not I felt a little out of place.
That’s when it hit me—feeling awkward wasn’t the problem. Avoiding situations because of it was. Once I accepted that discomfort was just part of the process, it became a lot easier to push through it instead of running from it.
3) I focused on progress, not perfection
Perfectionism kept me stuck for far too long. I wanted every interaction to be smooth, every social situation to feel effortless, and every step forward to be a complete success. But that mindset only made me more afraid to try.
Then I came across a quote by Theodore Roosevelt: “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
It hit me hard. I had been waiting for the perfect conditions—the right mood, the right moment, the right level of confidence—before putting myself out there again. But waiting for perfection was just another excuse to stay in my comfort zone.
Instead, I started focusing on progress. Some conversations felt natural, others were a little clumsy. Some days I felt energized, other days I struggled to show up. But every small effort stacked up over time. And that mattered way more than doing everything flawlessly.
4) I changed my body language before my mindset
Before I even said a word, my body was already revealing how I felt. Shoulders hunched, arms crossed, eyes darting away—it was like I was signaling to the world (and to myself) that I didn’t belong.
What I didn’t realize at the time is that body language doesn’t just communicate confidence to others—it actually changes how we feel inside.
Psychologists have found that standing tall, taking up space, and holding open postures can lower stress hormones and boost feelings of self-assurance.
I decided to test it out. Before walking into social situations, I’d take a deep breath, roll my shoulders back, and stand just a little taller. I made an effort to hold eye contact, to keep my movements open instead of closed off.
At first, it felt unnatural—like I was pretending. But something strange happened: the more I adjusted my body language, the more my mind followed.
5) I stopped assuming people were judging me
For the longest time, I walked into social situations with one thought running through my mind: What if I say something awkward? What if they think I’m weird?
I was convinced that every little mistake I made—stumbling over my words, an awkward pause, laughing at the wrong moment—was a flashing neon sign for everyone around me.
But the truth is, people aren’t paying nearly as much attention as we think they are.
There’s actually a psychological phenomenon called the spotlight effect, which explains how we tend to overestimate how much others notice about us.
That slightly shaky voice? That moment you fumbled your words? Odds are, nobody even registered it.
Realizing this was freeing. It meant I didn’t have to be perfect. Most people are too caught up in their own thoughts to analyze my every move.
And when I finally let go of the fear of being judged, I could actually focus on enjoying the moment instead of overthinking it.
6) I started listening more than I spoke
After spending so much time in my own head, socializing started to feel like a performance. I worried about what to say, how to say it, and whether I was coming across the right way. But the more I focused on myself, the more disconnected I felt.
Then I made a simple shift—I stopped trying so hard to be interesting and focused on being interested.
Instead of stressing over what to say next, I started listening—really listening—to the people around me. I paid attention to their tone, their expressions, the little details they shared that I might have missed before.
And something unexpected happened: conversations became easier. The pressure lifted because it wasn’t about proving myself anymore—it was about connecting.
Ironically, by speaking less, I felt more engaged. And the more engaged I felt, the more natural my confidence became.
7) I put myself in situations where connection could happen naturally
The more I listened and engaged with others, the more I realized something—confidence isn’t just about how you act, it’s also about where you are.
For a long time, I relied on forcing myself into social situations that didn’t feel right, thinking that was the only way to “get back out there.” But when I started seeking out environments where connection happened naturally, everything changed.
I joined a casual hiking group where conversations flowed easily because we were focused on the trail. I took a class on something I was genuinely interested in, which made talking to others feel effortless. I found ways to be around people without the pressure of constant small talk.
When you’re in a space that aligns with your interests, confidence comes more easily—not because you’re trying harder, but because you actually want to be there.
8) I learned to be kind to myself on the hard days
Even with all the progress I made, there were still days when I felt like I had taken ten steps backward. Days when socializing felt draining, when doubt crept back in, when I wondered if I’d ever fully feel like myself again.
At first, I beat myself up over it. I told myself I should be further along, that I should have figured it all out by now. But the truth is, confidence isn’t a straight line—it’s messy, unpredictable, and full of ups and downs.
The moment I stopped expecting perfection from myself, everything got easier. Instead of seeing setbacks as failures, I started treating them as part of the process. Some days were better than others, and that was okay. What mattered was that I kept going.
The bottom line
Rebuilding confidence isn’t about flipping a switch—it’s a process of small, deliberate choices. Some days will feel effortless, while others will bring doubt. Both are part of the journey.
Psychologists have found that confidence isn’t something we’re born with—it’s something we build through repeated action. The more we step outside our comfort zone, the more we prove to ourselves that we are capable.
The key is to keep showing up. Keep taking those small steps, even when they feel uncomfortable. Pay attention to the progress you’ve made rather than the moments you stumble.
And most importantly, be patient with yourself. The version of you that once felt effortlessly outgoing is still there—you’re just reconnecting with them, one step at a time.
