James Carter
Before I left for college three years ago, a quote by Mahatma Gandhi had been etched into my mind by my high school history teacher – “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.”
At that time, it seemed like an abstract concept, a piece of timeless wisdom meant to be admired from a distance, not taken to heart.
My best friend, Sam and I, were inseparable. We grew up together in the same small town in Kentucky, shared the same interests – from basketball to mindfulness practices – and even decided to attend the same college.
Our bond was unique and unbreakable, as we navigated through the ups and downs of adolescence and early adulthood together.
However, university life brought with it unforeseen challenges. Our perspectives started to diverge, leading to disagreements that were unheard of in our friendship before. I found myself getting more defensive and reactive, rather than responding with the understanding and patience that I had practiced during my mindfulness sessions.
One incident led to another, escalating the tension between us. Instead of seeking a peaceful resolution, I let my hurt emotions dictate my reactions. The fallout was swift and significant. Sam and I stopped speaking to each other, putting an abrupt end to our decade-long friendship.
It was at this point that Gandhi’s words echoed in my mind louder than ever before. I had been so focused on exacting verbal retribution for every perceived slight that I hadn’t realized the damage being done until it was too late.
Yet even then, I struggled with the concept of forgiveness and understanding.
Reflecting on this bitter experience over a year later, I’ve come to realize how crucial it is to practice Gandhi’s wisdom in real life situations. The journey hasn’t been easy, but it has been transformative. It’s taught me about the importance of patience, understanding and above all – forgiveness.
What did not anticipate?
The profound impact this journey would have on my mental well-being and the way I perceive and interact with the world around me. Here’s what it’s been like readjusting my mindset, seeking forgiveness and relearning the art of friendship after losing my best friend.
Readjusting my mindset and seeking forgiveness
The first step in my journey was acknowledging the mistakes made. It wasn’t easy to admit that I had allowed my ego and anger to get the better of me. I had spent countless hours practicing mindfulness and meditation, yet when it came to applying them in a real-life situation, I had faltered.
I began by revisiting my mindfulness practices. I spent more time in silence, meditating on the words of Gandhi. I realized that forgiveness wasn’t about absolving someone else of their wrongdoings, but rather about releasing the hold that these negative emotions had over me.
I wrote a letter to Sam, pouring out my feelings of regret and asking for forgiveness. The letter remained unsent, sitting in my drawer for weeks. It wasn’t about getting a response from him; it was more about expressing my remorse and seeking closure.
The transformation wasn’t immediate. It was a slow, gradual process that required conscious effort every day. I had to consistently remind myself to react with understanding instead of anger, to choose forgiveness over revenge.
Today, I stand at a different place – a place of peace and tranquility. My friendship with Sam might never be the same again, but the lessons learned from this experience have been priceless.
But here’s something interesting: many people believe that reacting strongly is a sign of strength and dominance. That it is necessary to stand up for oneself, even if it means hurting others in the process. However, my experience has shown me otherwise.
The misconception about strength and dominance
A common belief prevalent in our society is that strength is synonymous with dominance, and that showing vulnerability or forgiveness is a sign of weakness. This mentality perpetuates a cycle of retaliation, where individuals feel the need to respond aggressively to any perceived slight or attack.
I fell into this trap too. I believed that by not reacting strongly to Sam’s actions, I would appear weak or submissive. However, this mindset only led to the deterioration of our friendship.
What I’ve learned from this experience is that true strength lies not in retaliation, but in understanding and forgiveness. It’s about having the courage to accept your mistakes, the humility to seek forgiveness, and the wisdom to let go of negative emotions. It’s about choosing peace over conflict.
This perspective challenges the traditional notion of strength and dominance. It reframes it, suggesting that strength lies in emotional resilience, empathy, and understanding. It’s a perspective that’s not widely accepted, but one that has brought me great peace and helped me grow as an individual.
Taking steps towards reconciliation
If you find yourself in a similar situation, it’s important to remember that reconciliation starts with self-reflection and forgiveness. For me, it began with acknowledging my mistakes and seeking forgiveness, first from myself and then from Sam.
I started by writing that unsent letter to Sam. It was a cathartic process, allowing me to express my remorse and take responsibility for my actions. If you’re holding onto resentment or regret, I encourage you to do the same. You don’t need to send it; the act of writing can be healing in itself.
Next, I reached out to Sam. I won’t sugarcoat it – it was one of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had. But it was necessary. I apologized sincerely, without expecting anything in return. The response might not always be positive, but taking that step is crucial for your own peace of mind.
Finally, remember that healing takes time. Don’t rush the process or force a reconciliation. Things might not go back to how they were before, but that’s okay. The goal is not to regain what was lost, but to learn and grow from the experience.
These steps helped me navigate my journey towards reconciliation and peace. In doing so, I discovered a new perspective on strength and forgiveness that I hope can help others who find themselves in a similar situation.
Stepping back and embracing self-empowerment
In the aftermath of my falling out with Sam, I found myself questioning a lot of my beliefs and societal expectations. I realized that I had let external influences dictate my reactions. I was adhering to societal norms of strength and dominance, not my own.
Taking responsibility for my actions, even when I felt wronged, was a game-changer. It was empowering. It allowed me to steer the course of my life instead of being a passenger. In doing so, I learned:
- Taking responsibility increases personal power.
- Thinking independently leads to living life on my own terms.
- It is crucial to acknowledge dissatisfaction or struggles.
- Facing the reality of your situation is better than blind positivity.
- Self-empowerment comes from breaking free from societal expectations.
- The journey of self-exploration is essential to reshape your reality.
These insights didn’t come easy. They were the result of introspection, mindfulness, and a sincere desire for self-improvement. It’s a journey that never truly ends but continues to evolve and reveal new layers.
Given these revelations, I realized how important it was to align my life with my true nature, not what was expected of me. It’s about pursuing personal ambitions and desires. In essence, it’s about living life on your own terms.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember you have the power to reshape your reality. Embrace self-development over feel-good mysticism. Dedicate time daily to practice self-improvement techniques.
This journey and the lessons it brought have been instrumental in shaping who I am today.
