Minh Tran
Sometimes, the patterns we pick up in childhood can set us up for less-than-stellar outcomes as adults.
It’s not always easy to recognize, but our early experiences might have trained us to settle for less than we deserve.
In this article, I’m going to uncover seven brutal signs that your upbringing might have unintentionally conditioned you to accept less.
Understanding these signs can give you the power to break free from these patterns and step into a life you truly deserve.
We’ll delve into the world of mindfulness and self-improvement, drawing from eastern philosophy’s wisdom, to help you reclaim your worth.
It’s time to stop settling and start living the life you’re meant to have.
1) You always put others first
Growing up, you might have been taught that being selfless is a virtue—but there’s a fine line between selflessness and self-neglect.
If you’re always prioritizing others’ needs and wants above your own, it might be a sign your childhood trained you to accept less than what you deserve.
It’s not about being selfish, but about understanding that your needs and desires are equally important.
The wisdom of eastern philosophy teaches us about the importance of balance in life.
It’s crucial to take care of yourself while also caring for others.
Mindfulness can help with this.
By paying attention to your own feelings and needs, you can start to break free from the habit of always putting others first.
This is the first step towards reclaiming the life you deserve.
2) You don’t believe in your worth
This was a tough one for me to recognize.
For the longest time, I struggled with self-worth.
I constantly undervalued myself, settling for less than I deserved in multiple aspects of my life.
Looking back, it was clear that this habit stemmed from my upbringing.
As a child, I was often told to be humble and not to brag about my achievements.
While humility is indeed a virtue, the way it was instilled in me led me to downplay my worth.
I remember accepting a job offer that paid far less than industry standard; I convinced myself that it was okay because I was new to the field, but deep down, I knew I deserved more.
The turning point came when a mentor of mine pointed out my habit of undervaluing myself.
Drawing from the principles of mindfulness and self-improvement, I began to challenge this unhealthy pattern.
I started acknowledging my skills and achievements, rather than downplaying them.
It’s a journey, but now I understand that recognizing my worth doesn’t mean being arrogant; it means acknowledging my value as a human being.
3) You struggle to express your feelings
In some families, expressing emotions isn’t encouraged.
Children might be told to “stop crying” or “be strong,” which can lead to them suppressing their feelings.
This suppression can carry over into adulthood, making it difficult for individuals to express their emotions effectively.
The fascinating thing is, research has shown that this lack of emotional expression can negatively impact our mental health and our relationships.
Eastern philosophy encourages the expression of emotions as a part of being human.
It teaches us that every emotion, whether positive or negative, is valid and has a role to play in our lives.
If you find it hard to express your feelings, it might be time to practice mindfulness.
Start by acknowledging your emotions without judgment.
This can help you become more in tune with your feelings and ultimately, more comfortable with expressing them.
Expressing your feelings doesn’t make you weak; it’s a sign of emotional strength and self-awareness.
4) You have a hard time saying no
It’s not uncommon for those who’ve been conditioned to accept less to struggle with setting boundaries.
You might feel guilty for saying no, fearing that you’ll disappoint others.
The truth is, always saying yes can lead to burnout.
It’s impossible to please everyone all the time, and constantly trying to do so can be exhausting.
Eastern philosophy teaches us about the importance of balance and maintaining our inner peace.
Part of achieving that balance is learning to say no when necessary.
If you find it hard to say no, remember that setting boundaries is a form of self-care.
It’s about respecting your time, your energy, and your mental health.
Start practicing saying no in small ways and gradually work your way up.
Over time, you’ll find that people respect your boundaries and you’ll feel more empowered in your own life.
5) You’re afraid of failure
This fear has often held me back. I remember avoiding opportunities because I was too scared of failing.
I’d tell myself, “It’s better not to try than to try and fail.”
But this fear of failure was deeply rooted in my childhood experiences.
Whenever I failed at something, I was made to feel as though it was the end of the world.
This fear became a part of me, stopping me from pursuing my dreams and ambitions.
I realized that fear of failure was nothing more than a fear of growth.
Learning from eastern philosophy and practicing mindfulness helped me understand that failure is not the opposite of success, but a stepping stone towards it.
Now, when I encounter the possibility of failure, I remind myself that every stumble is an opportunity to learn and grow.
If you’re like me and you’re afraid of failure, remember, it’s okay to fail.
What’s important is that you get up, dust yourself off, and keep going.
You deserve to reach for your dreams without being held back by fear.
6) You seek validation from others
Growing up, many of us were taught to seek approval and validation from those around us.
We learned to link our worth to the positive feedback we received from others.
This pattern, if left unchecked, can lead to a constant need for external validation in adulthood.
Here’s the thing: True validation comes from within.
No amount of praise or recognition from others can match the power of self-acceptance and self-love.
Eastern philosophy encourages us to look within for validation.
It teaches us that our worth is not dependent on external factors, but on our own self-perception.
If you find yourself constantly seeking approval from others, it might be time to practice some self-love.
Start by acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small, and give yourself the validation you’ve been seeking from others.
7) You don’t prioritize self-care
Self-care is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.
If you’re always putting others’ needs before your own and neglecting your self-care, it’s a sign that you might be settling for less than you deserve.
Self-care is about more than just bubble baths and spa days.
It’s about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health—setting boundaries, honoring your feelings, and giving yourself permission to rest.
Eastern philosophy and mindfulness teach us about the importance of self-care.
They remind us to be kind to ourselves and to take the time to nourish our bodies and minds.
If you’ve been neglecting self-care, it’s time to make it a priority.
Realize that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential for your overall well-being.
You deserve to take care of yourself, to rest, recharge, heal, and a life filled with joy, peace, and fulfillment.
Final thoughts: It’s about self-compassion
When it comes down to it, recognizing and addressing these signs is a journey of self-compassion.
The teachings of eastern philosophy and the practice of mindfulness can be powerful tools in this journey.
They remind us to be kind to ourselves, to honor our feelings, and to prioritize our well-being.
Carl Rogers, a prominent psychologist, once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
This quote beautifully captures the essence of our discussion.
It’s okay to put yourself first and to demand more for yourself.
At the end of the day, it’s about being compassionate towards yourself—acknowledging your past while empowering your present and future.
