Eliza Hartley
For a long time, I believed love was something that belonged to my past. Romance, excitement, that spark—it all felt like a chapter I had already lived.
I told myself it was just a part of getting older, that I should focus on other things. But deep down, a quiet voice kept asking: “What if there’s still more?”
It wasn’t until I made some real changes—small shifts in my mindset and daily habits—that everything started to open up again. I reconnected with myself in ways I hadn’t expected, and in doing so, I found love again.
Here are the 7 habits that transformed the way I see love, relationships, and most importantly—myself.
1) I stopped telling myself it was too late
For years, I carried around the belief that love had an expiration date. I told myself that romance and excitement belonged to my younger years—that at this stage of life, I should just accept things as they were.
But here’s the thing: the stories we tell ourselves shape our reality.
Once I let go of the idea that love was behind me, I started seeing possibilities everywhere. I became more open, more present, and more willing to connect.
The moment I stopped telling myself it was too late was the moment new opportunities started to appear.
2) I started doing things that made me feel alive
For a long time, my days felt predictable—comfortable, but uninspiring. I stuck to my usual routines, telling myself that excitement and passion were things of the past.
Then one day, on a whim, I signed up for a dance class. I hadn’t danced in years, but something inside me just said, “Why not?”
At first, I felt awkward and out of place. But as the weeks went on, I noticed something shift. I wasn’t just going through the motions of life anymore—I was feeling it. The music, the movement, the laughter with new friends—it all reminded me that I was still vibrant, still capable of joy.
And here’s what surprised me the most: when I started feeling more alive within myself, I became more magnetic to others. Not long after, I met someone who was drawn to this energy—a connection that never would have happened if I had stayed stuck in my old patterns.
3) I learned to be present in the moment
For a long time, I was stuck in my head—rehashing the past, worrying about the future. Even when I was with other people, I wasn’t really there. I was too caught up in my own thoughts, wondering if I was saying the right thing or if they liked me.
But love—real, deep connection—only happens in the present moment. When I started practicing mindfulness, everything changed.
In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I talk about how simple shifts in awareness can transform your relationships. When you’re truly present, you listen more deeply, you connect more authentically, and you create space for something real to unfold.
Once I stopped overthinking and started being, my interactions became richer. I wasn’t searching for love—I was showing up fully for life. And love found me in the process.
4) I let go of the fear of rejection
For a long time, I avoided putting myself out there because I was afraid of being rejected. It felt easier to stay in my comfort zone than to risk feeling unwanted or unworthy.
But the truth is, rejection isn’t a reflection of our worth—it’s just part of life. Not everyone will connect with us, and that’s okay. What matters is that we keep showing up anyway.
The moment I stopped seeing rejection as something to fear and started seeing it as redirection, everything shifted. Instead of taking it personally, I saw it as a sign that something better was waiting for me.
And eventually, it was. But I never would have found it if I had let fear keep me from trying.
5) I stopped looking for love
For years, I thought finding love meant searching for it—putting myself out there, going on endless dates, trying to make the right impression. But the more I chased it, the more exhausting and disappointing it became.
So I stopped. Not because I gave up, but because I realized that love isn’t something you hunt down. It’s something you attract by living in a way that feels fulfilling on its own.
Instead of focusing on who might love me, I focused on loving my own life. I pursued my passions, deepened my friendships, and embraced the things that made me feel whole.
And that’s when love showed up—effortlessly, unexpectedly, in a way I never could have planned.
6) I embraced my imperfections
For a long time, I thought I had to present the best version of myself to be loved. I tried to hide my flaws, downplay my insecurities, and appear more put-together than I actually felt.
But real connection doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from authenticity. The more I embraced who I truly was, the more I attracted people who appreciated me for me.
I stopped apologizing for my laugh lines, for my quirks, for the ways I didn’t fit some idealized version of who I thought I should be. And in doing so, I gave others permission to be real with me too.
Love doesn’t grow in the spaces where we pretend—it grows in the spaces where we are seen, fully and completely.
7) I decided I was worthy of love
For years, a quiet voice in the back of my mind whispered that maybe love wasn’t meant for me anymore. That maybe I had missed my chance. That maybe I wasn’t enough.
But one day, I made a choice. I chose to believe that I was worthy of love—not because of how I looked, not because of my age, not because I had checked the right boxes, but simply because I existed.
And when I truly believed that, everything changed.
Bottom line: love starts with you
Love isn’t just something that happens to us—it’s something we create, something we invite in by the way we live.
For me, love didn’t return because I searched harder or changed who I was. It returned when I shifted my mindset, embraced my life fully, and decided I was worthy of it.
A big part of that journey was learning how to be present. In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I talk about how mindfulness transforms not only our own sense of peace but also the way we connect with others. When we are truly present, love has space to grow.
Because at the end of the day, love isn’t about chasing or forcing anything—it’s about becoming the kind of person who is open enough to receive it when it arrives.
