A promise is supposed to build trust, but what happens when it’s used to manipulate?
Some promises may seem compassionate at first, but they’re carefully worded to push an agenda, guilt-trip, or control someone else.
Identifying these hidden motives can protect your peace of mind and relationships.
Here are seven promises that appear caring but are anything but—and how to handle them.
Let’s dive in:
1. “I’m only doing this for your own good”
Ever heard someone say this to you? It might seem like they’re only looking out for your best interests, right? But, let’s take a step back.
What this statement often does is undermine your ability to make choices for yourself. It implies that they know better, and you should just follow along.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Advice and guidance can be valuable, but there’s a fine line between supporting and controlling.
In essence, this “caring” promise is a subtle way of imposing their will on you. It’s a form of manipulation that can make you second guess your decisions and erode your self-confidence over time.
So, the next time you hear this promise, take a pause. Reflect upon whether it’s genuine concern or an attempt to control your actions.
2. “I’m here for you, no matter what”
This is a promise I’ve heard many times, and at face value, it’s one of the most comforting things to hear. After all, who wouldn’t want a friend or partner who’s there for them through thick and thin?
But let me share a personal experience.
A few years back, I had a close friend who would always assure me he was there for me, “no matter what.”
Yet, whenever I’d reach out to him in times of need, he’d somehow make it about himself. For instance, if I was dealing with work stress, he’d start talking about his own work problems instead of listening to mine.
Over time, I realized that his promise wasn’t about support, it was about keeping me reliant on him. His “I’m here for you” was actually his way of subtly manipulating me to stay in a friendship that wasn’t reciprocally supportive.
Through this experience, I learned that such promises could be used as leverage. They can create an unhealthy dependency where you feel obligated to maintain the relationship despite not getting the support you need.
3. “I promise I’ll change”
We’ve all heard this one, haven’t we? It’s that magic phrase that comes up when things go south and someone is desperate to make it right. It sounds like a glimmer of hope, a chance for a fresh start.
But let’s be real here.
Change is hard. It’s not a switch you can flick on and off whenever it suits you or when you’ve messed up. It’s a journey that requires real effort, commitment, and time.
Too often, “I promise I’ll change” is just an empty phrase thrown out to diffuse tension and avoid consequences. It’s a manipulative tactic to keep you hanging on in the hope of better days.
I’m not saying change isn’t possible. We all grow and evolve. But real change doesn’t need constant promises; it shows itself in consistent actions.
The next time someone throws this promise at you amidst an argument or after a mistake, don’t just take it at face value. Look for concrete actions that back up their words over time. That’s where you’ll find the truth.
4. “I’ll always be honest with you”
Honesty is the bedrock of any healthy relationship, right? So, a promise to always be honest sounds like a stepping stone towards trust and openness. But what if it’s not?
Let me explain.
Some people use this promise as a license to say hurtful things under the guise of honesty. They might make cutting remarks or belittle you and then justify it with “I was just being honest.”
In reality, this isn’t honesty. It’s emotional manipulation masked as truth-telling. It can make you feel insecure and question your worth, all under the false pretense of honesty.
Genuine honesty is about transparency and respect, not causing unnecessary hurt. So if someone uses their promise of honesty to justify hurtful behavior, it’s a red flag.
5. “I’ll never let you down”
Ah, the classic promise of eternal reliability. It’s a comforting vow, isn’t it? Knowing that someone has your back, come what may. But here’s an interesting perspective.
Psychology tells us that as humans, we’re fallible. We all make mistakes and let others down at some point because no one’s perfect.
So, when someone perpetually promises never to let you down, it’s not only unrealistic but also potentially manipulative.
This promise can create an idealized image of a person, making you overlook their flaws or mistakes. It can be used as a tool to gain your trust and keep you attached.
6. “I’ll always put you first”
It’s a beautiful sentiment, isn’t it?
The idea of someone caring for you so deeply, they’re willing to put your needs and wishes above their own. But let’s look at this a bit closer.
Selflessness is beautiful, but constant self-sacrifice?
That’s not healthy, for either party involved. A relationship should be about mutual care and consideration, not one person constantly putting the other first.
Moreover, this promise can be manipulative, creating a sense of indebtedness. You might start to feel guilty or obligated to reciprocate, even at your own expense.
7. “I’ll always love you”
The greatest promise of all, the promise of unwavering love. It’s the cornerstone of many relationships and, arguably, the most powerful commitment one can make to another. But here’s the crux.
Love is not a tool for manipulation. It’s not a card to be played when you want something or need to cover up a mistake. Love is about respect, understanding, and equality. It should never be used to justify mistreatment or manipulation.
If someone uses their “love” for you to manipulate your feelings or decisions, it’s not love. It’s control masked as affection.
Final thoughts
If you’ve found yourself nodding along as you read through these points, know that you’re not alone. It’s easy to get swept up in what feels like a caring gesture, only to realize later that it was a form of manipulation.
The key here is awareness.
Start by recognizing these promises for what they are. Understand that while they might seem caring on the surface, they can be harmful and manipulative at their core.
This doesn’t mean you need to become cynical or mistrustful. Instead, it’s about discerning genuine care from manipulation. It’s about understanding your worth and setting healthy boundaries in your relationships.
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