Are you wondering if your ex is over you?
Stop guessing whether she’s coming back and find out once-and-for-all.
These are the 10 signs she’s definitely moved on from your relationship
1) There’s a new guy on the scene
We’ve all heard the saying that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.
If your ex-partner is with a new guy just a few weeks or months after you two broke up, it could be that she’s in a rebound relationship.
A rebound is a relationship that starts before you’ve properly processed all of your feelings from your relationship-end.
Rebounds have got a bad rap for being emotionally messy situations, bypassing the heartbreak that comes with splitting up.
These relationships are often seen as gaining momentum too fast, too soon as attachment is unconsciously transferred from your old relationship to the new.
However, research shows that rebounds are associated with greater psychological health and are more beneficial than we’ve been led to believe.
The study authors explain that people in rebound relationships are able to come to a place of resolution over their ex-partner and the breakup.
Now: I have personal experience with this situation.
After splitting up with my then long-term boyfriend, which was a process of deliberating over months, I fell into a new relationship in a matter of weeks.
I unexpectedly met someone and went on a date two weeks later. Two months down the line, he asked me to be his girlfriend and we’re approaching six months of being official.
I felt masses of pain from breaking up, over the months of back-and-forth and when we officially called time.
I would come back home from spending time with my new guy and cry uncontrollably at the loss.
I was in the midst of the grieving process, in the stage of denial and shock.
Starting a new relationship with someone else was one of the messiest decisions I’ve made.
I didn’t think it was going to work out. I was drinking a lot in front of him and breaking down.
It was bad.
But I don’t regret it now.
He’s helped me move forward and waited for me to get my head straight.
We’ve both helped each other in many ways over the past six months.
What does this mean for you?
Well, if you find out your ex-partner is dating someone else quickly after you two go separate ways it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s over you.
It’s a way of bypassing the pain and distracting herself.
I can tell you this.
However, in my experience, as time goes on things change.
I’m now very in love with my new partner and I love what he brings to my life.
If your ex-partner is still with her ‘rebound’ partner months on, this is the biggest telltale sign she’s officially moved on and she’s happily in a new relationship.
It might take time coming to terms with this, but the quicker you realize she’s moved on, the sooner you can allow yourself to meet someone new.
2) She blocks you
The ‘no-contact rule’ is known as an effective method for getting over an ex.
It means not communicating at all over a period of time – whether that’s via text, phone calls or on social media.
It should be for at least 60 days.
In my own experience, this allowed me to start coming to terms with the relationship-end.
It was really tough initially as my ex-partner and I were used to sharing memes and updates throughout the day.
To suddenly cut all contact with that person was uncomfortable.
Simply put: it was necessary.
Now: after this no-contact rule has ended, if your ex-partner wants nothing to do with you and has actually blocked your number and social media accounts then it means she’s officially over you.
We all deal with breakups differently.
It could be that your ex is still struggling with the pain of the breakup and finds it too much to be in touch with you, or that she doesn’t want to be in contact as she’s trying to build something new with someone else.
There’s no one-size-fits-all for breakups.
You see, I’m still in contact with my ex-partner sporadically where we check-in to see how we’re doing and we share updates.
We didn’t do this initially.
But now we’re chatting again – occasionally.
We’re not planning on getting back together, but a part of us wants to let the other know we care about each other.
We were together for a long time.
However, a part of me is thinking that it could be a good idea to mute him on social media so I don’t end up stumbling across his content and feeling more connected to him.
I’ve even thought about blocking him from my Instagram stories so he doesn’t discover I’m in a new relationship.
What does this mean for you?
3) She’s moved
It’s funny: I always said I would move to a new location if my ex-partner and I separated.
This is exactly what happened because I decided to move my stuff back in with my mum.
However, I thought I would get back to the area we lived in after a few months of taking a breather.
But this hasn’t happened.
I’ve spent some time in the neighborhood we used to live in because, incidentally, my new boyfriend lives there, though I don’t feel like moving back myself.
As time has gone on, I’ve realized that maybe it’s not the best thing to do.
I’m now accepting the idea that embracing change is the key to a good life, rather than going back to what I knew.
I find that I’m really anxious when I’m walking around the neighborhood we used to live in – fearing I’m going to bump into him and spending my time thinking about all of the things we used to do.
In a way it’s been healing to see that life goes on, but simultaneously it’s been really triggering and painful.
Here’s why: it’s full of our memories.
I find it keeps me trapped in that time warp and I want to embrace this new chapter of my life.
I’ve moved on, so I want to start my life somewhere else.
If I do end up back in the city we lived in, I know it will have to be in a different area.
If your ex isn’t around the city you used to live in anymore, take it as a sign she’s moved on.
4) There’s no flirty energy
If you bump into your ex unexpectedly, make a note about whether or not she flirts with you.
Can you sense that chemistry between you two?
Do you think it’s actually mutual?
If the answer is yes then there’s a chance she’s not actually over you.
If she’s not flirting with you and you think she’s just being neutral, you have your answer.
If your ex has truly moved on, the last thing she would want to do is flirt with you and send you the wrong message.
Even if, deep down, you would like to get back with your ex, it’s important to accept the situation and know that the right partner for you will come along when the time is right.
When you’re dealing with breakups, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
What does this mean for you?
Don’t keep chasing your ex-partner when you two have separated.
Allow yourself to move on – focusing on yourself first before letting someone else in.
5) She posts about her new beau
Going public with a new partner is daunting.
This is true whether you’ve just come out of a relationship and jumped into something new or are with your first partner.
It’s a bold declaration that opens you up to the opinions of others (not that you should care).
Now: if it’s your ex-partner posting a photo of her new guy, you should know that it’s not something she will have done lightly.
She will have thought about it long and hard.
Depending on how you two separated and whether you’re on good terms or not, it’s likely your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
But she also wants to shout about her new guy that she’s so excited about.
She’s moved on and she wants the world to know about how wonderful this new love is.
If she does make the decision to share a photo of herself enjoying herself with her new guy, it’s a massive sign that she’s well and truly moved on.
It’s not a nice way to find out that your partner is with someone else – but, as you two are no longer together, she’s not obliged to update you on her life decisions anymore.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s what happens after a breakup.
She’s free to make her own decisions.
6) She looks different
Have you noticed your ex-partner has a new style or new haircut?
Maybe you ended up double-taking a photo you came across on social media – surprised at her appearance.
Has she suddenly cut her locks off and got bangs? Maybe she’s started dressing in 1920s-inspired outfits when she never showed an interest in vintage during your relationship.
This is common after breakups.
Dating experts explain that people change how they look for a number of psychological reasons.
If you notice your ex-partner has a radically different look, she might have because:
- It’s given her a form of control
- It’s heightened her confidence
- It’s her expression of freedom
What does this mean for you?
She’s taking back her power and expressing herself as a single woman, who has moved on.
Take it as a sign it’s time to move on.
7) She’s told you the feelings are gone
If you’ve been spending your time sobbing and wondering whether maybe, just maybe, you and your ex-partner will be getting back together, then you may have felt the need to ask her whether she still has feelings for you.
Now: if you do and she tells you she no longer has feelings for you, it’s time to accept fate.
Maybe she does have some feelings still, but by saying this, she’s telling you that she wants to move on.
My advice is to accept that it isn’t meant to be, and to turn the focus on to yourself – as opposed to chasing her.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to moving on.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
8) They’re friendly with your new partner
Chances are, you and your ex-partner built a friendship circle that you shared and still cross paths.
This isn’t always the case in relationships: it wasn’t my personal experience.
But I know it’s the case for many friends.
I often wonder how they would navigate a relationship-end because their lives are so closely entwined.
Now: if you cross paths with your ex-partner when you’re out socially, see how she interacts with your new partner.
If she gives her the cold shoulder and a nasty glance across the room that cuts through her, you can bet that there’s something bitter and twisted going on inside.
She still feels like your hers.
She wants your new partner to know that she doesn’t like her being with you.
This could be because she still has feelings for you and wants her to know that she doesn’t approve of her being with your ex.
On the other hand, if you notice that she’s friendly with your new partner, then you’ll know she’s actually moved on.
It’s not to say that your ex-partner needs to be super forthcoming with your ex-partner, wanting to be best mates and go out for lunch. But just being cordial is enough to signal that she’s at peace with herself, and cool with you and your new partner being an item.
It’s true: if she’s happy for you, then you know she’s moved on.
It takes emotional maturity.
9) She gives you back things and sells things you gave her
As much as we all like to say we don’t have attachments to material possessions, let’s be honest… we do.
Material possessions hold our memories.
I’m instantly transported back to memories through different items.
In my own experience, I know how hard I’ve found letting go of old clothes and things throughout my life.
I don’t think I’m alone in this.
This was true in the case of my breakup.
After moving my stuff into my mum’s place, it took me the best part of six months to start sorting out my boxes of old possessions from the flat my ex and I shared.
These boxes were piled up collecting dust in the spare room. The truth was I was too scared to face the memories and the reality of what had happened.
I didn’t realize the energy these things held for me, and I underestimated the emotional toll it would take sifting through these boxes and chucking things out.
Many items I got out of the boxes and held on to them, squeezing them tight and letting my memory drift to the times I wore them.
It was incredibly painful.
But because I wanted to move on, I knew I had to take the steps to get rid of these things.
I returned some of my ex-partner’s things to him and sold numerous things he bought me.
Truth is: I didn’t like many of these items he bought me, but I was hanging on to them because it was connecting me to him in some capacity.
Now: it’s not to say that you have to erase your ex-partner from your life entirely, especially if you spent years together, but it is healthy to get rid of memorabilia if you’re truly looking to move on.
If you notice your ex-partner is promoting her page of second-hand clothes online and it’s filled with things you got her, then it’s a sign she is moving on.
The same goes for her decision to send you your things back to you.
She no longer wants to feel the strength of that connection and to focus on building her new life.
You need to take the brave step to move to a place of acceptance.
This is the fifth step of the grieving process. It includes:
If you can move to this fifth state, you are allowing yourself to move on too, which is the best thing for everyone.
You’ll only keep yourself in emotional pain otherwise.
10) She seems really happy
If social media is anything to go by, we know that people have a tendency to put their best foot forward and to just showcase the highlights.
Are you guilty of this? I sure am.
We want everyone to know how great our lives are – how many great experiences we’re constantly having, how we have the best circle of friends and how we go to the best parties.
Well, a significant portion of people definitely do this.
In the case of breakups, you or your ex may have taken to social media to show the world you’re doing just fine and forging on with your new life.
In my own experience, I went mute.
I disappeared from social media for six months. I didn’t want to be seen while I went through the pain of heartbreak.
I decided to wipe my Instagram and not use the platform in the months when I navigated denial, hurt and confusion.
The last thing I felt like doing was putting myself out there.
In her definitive guide to handling social media after a breakup, writer Clair Lofthouse explains that it’s important to take your time with social media after a breakup.
This is what I did.
My reason for telling you this is because when I did finally get to a place of feeling happy and content with my decision, having cleared out my old boxes and processed all of the emotions that were still lingering, I decided to make a comeback.
When I knew I had moved on and was ready to cope with putting myself out there and being seen by friends, and my ex, I posted a new photo of me.
I look happy and cute.
Straight away, my thoughts went to questions of what he would think and whether it would upset him.
I had these thoughts because I care about my ex, but not because I want to get back with him.
As I’ve said, I’m in a loving and fulfilling relationship that’s really in alignment with me.
But it did cause these thoughts to swirl.
It was a big decision to come back to social media.
Now: I’ve not posted a picture of me and my partner yet because I don’t want to take my ex by surprise.
But I know at some point in the near future I would like to post a photo of my new partner, who of course is now a big part of my last.
By now, you should be able to understand what I’m saying:
If your ex disappeared off social media for a while and has suddenly made a comeback with a new social media feed, it’s a clear indication she’s genuinely moving into a happy place.
This action is her way of saying she’s over you, ready to take on the world again. And she wants you to know that.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.