Is he really too busy or just not interested? 11 signs to look for

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Every girl has heard this excuse from a guy at one time or another: he’s just too busy.

Here’s the thing:

Sometimes it’s true, but often, it’s not.

Here’s how to tell.

1) He tries to see you when he can

If you’re wondering whether he’s truly too busy or just making an excuse, look at how hard he tries to see you.

Does he contact you when he has free time or dodge you on an ongoing basis?

Does he do his best to link up when it’s possible, or does he clearly prefer to hang out with others or stay alone?

Of course, he may just be exhausted from being too busy.

But the point is:

If he likes you enough he’ll make at least some time, even if it’s just twenty minutes to call you on his lunch break at work.

2) He doesn’t ghost you completely

When a guy isn’t interested and says he’s busy as an excuse, it can often be a form of ghosting.

He fades out like an ethereal apparition, never to be seen again except to occasionally type out “nm, u?” (“not much, you?”) when you ask how he’s doing.

When a guy is genuinely very busy and still likes you, he doesn’t do this.

He may have long breaks between texts or getting in touch, but he keeps you updated.

Even if he can’t text or message all day, he’ll send you something short and sweet like “another day at the salt mines, have a good one!”

That way, you at least know he’s thinking about you, even if he is too busy to meet!

3) What would a relationship coach say?

Look, I hope you find the signs in this article useful, but let’s face it – nothing beats one-on-one advice from an experienced relationship coach.

These guys are pros, they speak to people like you all the time. With their know-how, they’ll be able to tell you whether he’s genuinely busy or simply not interested.

But where do you find someone like that? Someone, you can trust?

I’ve got just the place – Relationship Hero. It’s a popular site with dozens of highly trained relationship coaches to choose from.

I can vouch for them because I have first-hand experience. Yup, I was having some trouble with my girl last year and I’d hate to think where we’d be if I hadn’t reached out to the folks at Relationship Hero.

The person I spoke to was very empathetic and insightful, it actually turned out that he has a degree in psychology, which means he really knows his stuff.

Don’t give it too much thought. It’s as easy as going onto their site and within minutes, you could be getting the answers you’re looking for.

4) He contacts you when he gets unexpected free time

When a guy is just too busy but still likes you, he uses his free time to get in touch.

When he’s just using his busy life as an excuse, he does other things with his free time.

He may hang out with buddies, go for a drink, work on a side project, or even meet up with other girls.

That’s clearly not the behavior of someone who’s into you.

The man who really is into you will jump at the chance to connect up when he has a day or two free.

He’s not going to let that go to waste if he’s attracted to you and wanting to get to know you better, trust me.

5) He reschedules

A guy who’s into you doesn’t let one canceled date define your experience together.

He reschedules.

Even if he gets called into work late or has a million things going on in his life, he does his damnedest to make something work out.

He coordinates with you and finds a time that works for both of you.

And if there’s a week or two when that’s just not possible, he apologizes profusely and it’s obvious he really means it.

A guy who won’t reschedule and doesn’t care about making things work is a guy who’s just using being busy as an excuse.

But a guy who reschedules and cares about mixups is a keeper.

6) He’s saying one thing and doing another

Is he really too busy or just not interested?

One of the clearest ways to tell is to watch if he is telling the truth, and one of the best ways to do that is through social media.

Sure, some guys are savvy players and will hide their social media footprint when they make excuses.

But you’d be very surprised how many just don’t care or don’t realize how they’re getting caught out in their lies.

A common example:

A guy tells you he’s too busy to meet up and go to dinner tonight because he’s just got “so much going on.”

Later at night, you see him in a VIP nightclub with strippers draped on both arms and a bottle of expensive vodka.

Busted.

7) He’s always ready to help

Is he really too busy or just not interested?

It can be a hard question to answer.

But one of the clearest signs is to look at his actions rather than his words.

If he’s always ready to help you out when you need something, despite being busy, then he probably likes you and is just genuinely swamped.

However, if he rarely lifts a finger for you, he’s probably making excuses to mask his lack of interest.

So, the question is, have you triggered his Hero Instinct?

His what?

Let me tell you about the hero instinct. It’s a fascinating new concept that relationship expert James Bauer came up with.

According to Bauer, men are driven by a kind of primal instinct to protect their mates – to be their heroes. It’s less superman and more cave man protecting his cave woman.

Now, if you’ve triggered his hero instinct – he’ll do anything to help you and be there for you, no matter how busy he is. But if that’s not the case, then you wanna learn how to trigger his hero instinct.

Get started by watching Bauer’s insightful free video here

8) He’s very vague about why he’s busy

No guy likes to be tracked and surveilled, so you shouldn’t start stalking a guy who tells you he’s too busy.

At the same time, if you’re into this man there is no reason you shouldn’t be curious about what he’s actually busy with.

If you know his job and he says he’s working extra a lot lately, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask why.

If you’re not even really sure what the things he’s busy with are, there’s no reason not to ask.

If he’s very vague or refuses to say, it’s likely just an excuse.

9) He almost never contacts you first

Who contacts who first in most cases?

Be brutally honest here.

If it’s almost always you, then this guy’s either on a top-secret mission like James Bond or he’s ducking you.

The fact is:

No matter how busy he is, a man will make time to shoot a quick text to a girl he likes.

That’s just a fact.

If it’s always you initiating contact and he’s letting the ball drop and leaving convos early, he’s just not that into you.

10) He’s working hard to be worthy of you

Another sign that he’s really just too busy is that he’s working hard because he wants to prove himself to you. He wants to feel worthy of your love.

But how can you tell?

Because he’ll get all excited when he talks to you about everything he’s been doing at work. He won’t just make vague excuses or say he’s “busy” without elaborating.

And when you give him any kind of praise and tell him how well he’s been doing, you’ll see how proud he is – he may even blush!

And do you know what this means?

It means that you’ve woken his hero instinct.

I mentioned this fascinating theory earlier.

Now, according to Bauer, when a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s the most likely to be interested in a woman. Once you’ve triggered his hero instinct, he’ll do everything in his power to impress you and make you his. And best of all? He won’t be making excuses not to see you.

If you wanna find out more about how exactly this works, watch this insightful free video.

11) He involves you in what he’s busy with when possible

Another one of the promising signs that a busy guy still wants you is when he involves you in what he’s busy with.

As relationship expert Zak writes at the Attraction Game:

“He may invite you to certain activities that he partakes in so that the two of you can spend more time together.

For example, a musician may invite you to shows he’s playing at or to rehearsals so that you can at least be around him.”

It may not always work out as seamlessly as this…

But the point is:

A busy guy will do his best to let you know what he’s busy with and still make you feel like part of his life whenever possible.

Should you move on or not?

If you’re dealing with a busy man, then you’re probably feeling confused and frustrated.

If he’s showing many of the signs of just using being busy as an excuse, you should probably move on.

But if he’s somewhat on the fence and not sure how he feels, my advice is to give him a little nudge in the right direction. 

And what better way to do that than to trigger his hero instinct?

I’m serious, it’s a very effective way to get a guy to really see you as the woman for him.

And if you’re not sure about the whole thing, just have a listen to what Bauer has to say, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again – trust me, once you watch the video you’ll get it.

15 traits of a confident woman that separates her from everyone else

What to do when another woman is after your man (11 effective tips)