“Is he my soulmate?”
Are you asking yourself this question?
You get along great, the conversations flow, and when you touch each other…
Well…let’s just say that the spark ignites like a super bolt in the northern hemisphere.
But does this mean that you’re meant to be together forever? Or is it destined to just be another fling?
At first glance, it can be difficult to separate a run-of-the-mill crush with a soulmate connection.
After all, they both cause intense emotions and the happy neurotransmitters in the brain to fire like crazy…
But when you get down to it, a soulmate connection is a one-of-a-kind relationship that you’ll only ever experience once or twice in your lifetime (if you’re lucky).
Here at Hack Spirit, we’ve studied soulmate connections like crazy for quite a while and in that process, we’ve been able to narrow down the 40 most important signs that a guy is your real soulmate.
This is the only list you’ll need to figure out if your man is indeed your “one and only”.
What is a soulmate?
Before we start, it’s important that we define what a “soulmate” really means.
After all, many people misunderstand the concept and some people don’t even believe in it.
In fact, we polled the Hack Spirit email list (34,142 subscribers) on whether they believe in soulmates, and 68% of people said yes, 20% said no, and 12% weren’t sure. ‘
The surprising result? Men were more likely to say yes (70% to 66%).
I mean, you can’t blame the ones that said no. In a world with billions of people, the odds are astronomically low to find the “one person” that you’re meant to be with.
In fact, the scientists over at Bustle did the Math and they found that the odds of finding “the one” is 1 in 10,000 or 0.1%.
Not great odds, right?
But here’s what you need to keep in mind:
The definition of a soulmate isn’t one particular person out there just for you. Nope.
A soulmate connection is simply a person who could be your best friend or romantic partner with who your soul shares a deep and almost unexplainable connection.
According to Mary C. Lamia Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “the term “soulmate” implies a special affinity, understanding, or powerful bond that exists between one person and another.”
So do you and your man share this powerful bond together? Let’s find out.
Here are 40 signs that he is your soulmate:
1. You just know it in your gut
Look, it’s no secret that women are more in touch with their feelings than men.
So if you feel it in your gut that you’re just meant to be with this guy, then there’s a fair chance that he is your soulmate.
I know this sounds silly. “That feeling in your gut” is a vague first sign.
But the truth is, your intuition is a powerful force. We can all agree with that.
And if this guy really is your soulmate, then you can guarantee that your intuition knows it before you do.
You feel completely comfortable in his presence, energized when he gives you attention, and just plain old giddy with love.
Call it fate. Call it luck. You’re meant to be together for a very long time. You just know it.
2. You’re your real self around him
Many people change the way they present themselves to the world, based on how they think they’ll be received in certain groups or institutions.
For example, the way you behave as a professional could be completely different from the life you live at home or with your friends.
Each of us tries to adapt how we act and look in certain situations.
But a soulmate connection? A soulmate connection can be defined by its honesty.
Unlike how you are with other people, you cannot be inauthentic with a soulmate because you both seem to know each other inside out.
Aside from being comfortable in your own skin, both of you are completely open and honest with each other.
There is no room for secrets within a soulmate relationship.
This means that when you have found your soulmate, you can also be honest with yourself.
The other person makes it easier for you to be unfiltered and genuine because you know they won’t judge.
They can also help you deal with the baggage that has held you back and embrace the next stages in your life.
3. He is protective of you
If he is your true soulmate, then you can be sure that he is doing all he can to protect you.
He’ll provide for you and protect you against any threats, even small ones.
In fact, there’s a new psychological theory that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
It claims that men have a biological drive to step up for the woman in his life and protect her. It’s called the hero instinct.
I wrote a detailed primer about this new concept which you can read here.
A man wants to see himself as a hero. As someone his partner genuinely wants and needs to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
It’s actually up to the woman to bring this instinct to the fore.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.
The simple truth is that a relationship is unlikely to survive unless this instinct is triggered in a man.
And if he is your true soulmate, then he’ll step up to the plate and be your hero.
However, it doesn’t mean that you can just sit around and let the hero instinct just happen.
Sometimes you need to ignite the flame to trigger the hero instinct him.
A woman has to find ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
Some ideas really are life-changing. For romantic relationships, I think this is one of them. Because when a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll be more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long term relationship.
And you’ll be left in no doubt that you are soulmates.
4. You become more aware of yourself around him
Writer Tim Kreider penned the following words in an essay for the New York Times in 2013: “If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”
Many of us definitely want to be loved but we don’t really want to be vulnerable with others, nor do we want to reflect on who we are.
When you find your soulmate or a kindred spirit, you can resolve these two problems.
You find someone who understands you completely and without judgment.
They can help you learn more about yourself: your flaws, your contradictions, and your good points.
In fact, individuals whom you share a soul connection with can even reflect your qualities back to you.
They can show you a lot of the things you were afraid to confront in yourself and help you grow.
5. You’re best friends
You tell him everything. He tells you all of his deepest fears and insecurities.
You’ve got each other’s backs….no matter what.
Perhaps you were friends before you became lovers. Or your passionate sexual relationship has blossomed into a beautiful friendship.
Whatever the case, soulmates are usually best friends that will do ANYTHING for each other.
The bottom line is this:
You “get” each other on a deeper level than anyone you’ve ever come across.
If you can say that this man is your best friend as well as being your romantic lover, then there is a fair chance that this man is your soulmate.
6. You’ve changed for the better because of him
Does this guy bring the best out of you? Is he the main motivation for getting rid of those unhealthy habits?
Do you believe in yourself and what you can achieve after you spend time with him?
If you can say yes to these questions, then I believe this guy could be your bonafide soulmate.
Look, soulmates bring the best out of each other. They compliment each other’s weaknesses with each other’s strengths. There’s no getting around it.
If this guy makes you want to achieve your goals and get the most out of life, then you can also say that this guy is “completing you”.
Your insecurities and fears are beginning to wash away and he’s making you see your own potential.
That’s the kind of thing that only soulmates can do.
7. You balance each other out
If you’re true soulmates, you’ll probably find that your weaknesses will be his strengths. And his weaknesses will…you get the picture.
Soulmates are meant to be together. This guy is meant to be with you because he will balance you out.
The truth is: In the early stages of any relationship, everything is new and exciting. You enjoy spending time together because you complement each other.
But when things become more routine and start settling into a groove, many relationships fail.
Because when personalities don’t match and complement each other, it becomes extremely bothersome to spend time together.
But soulmates? Soulmates are different.
Their personalities complement each other. And if you complement each other’s personalities, then your differences become your strengths.
You relish spending time together because there’s nothing but positive energy between the two of you.
For example, maybe you’re an introvert and this guy is an extrovert.
While this is a simple example, it works because he does the majority of talking and you do the majority of listening.
You plan ahead, whereas he is more “spur of the moment”.
He makes your life more fun and you make his life more organized.
This is what soulmates do. They balance each other to make their lives better.
8. You’re both in the same place
You know how sometimes when you begin seeing someone, you enjoy the initial stages but then after a while, you realize that you’re actually at different stages in life.
Maybe you’re not ready to settle down just yet, but they’re already planning to buy a house in the burbs with a nice big yard for the kids.
Or they’ve just come out of a bad breakup and they just want to take things slow, whereas you’re ready to go the whole nine yards almost immediately.
But with your soulmate, you both meet each other at the same stage in life. You both want the same things.
And this is why everything will probably work out because you’ll both want to settle down, get married, and have kids at the same time. There’s no ambiguity or awkward discussion about waiting for the right moment. This is it for both of you.
So if you can see that you and your man are at a similar stage in life, and you both want the same things in the future (marriage, 2 kids and a four-wheel-drive) then you can bet your bottom dollar that this guy is your soulmate.
When it comes to soulmates, timing is everything.
9. You feel each other’s pain
The empathy between the two of you is strong.
You know when he is happy, sad, or in pain. And it’s the same for him.
It’s almost like you know what it’s like to walk in each other’s shoes.
And you understand each other so well that the second you see him you already know what mood he is in.
The good news?
Because you know each other so well, you’re able to lift him out of a bad mood and into a good one with ease. And he can do the same for you.
When you’re able to do that, you know that your connection is next level.
As we mentioned above, you balance each other out, you feel what he feels, and you understand him so well that you can snap him out of a bad mood pretty quickly.
10. You accept and even embrace each other’s flaws
We all have flaws, and seeing as we understand our soulmates so well, we recognize their imperfections and flaws in clear daylight.
A soulmate will fully embrace and accept the flaws in their partner because they know that it’s just who they are.
Nobody is perfect, and to be honest, you wouldn’t want to date anyone that is perfect. It’d be kind of freaky.
And if you’re lucky enough to meet your soulmate, you realize that every trait has a positive as well as a negative side.
It’s the task of every soulmate to always look for the good, even when it appears like it’s negative on the surface.
For example, he might be a worrying type of guy, but that also means that he is able to plan for the future and avoid dangerous situations.
Or maybe he prefers to live in the moment, which is bad when it comes to planning, but great when it comes to embracing life and having fun.
11. They challenge you
A soulmate relationship isn’t always bells and whistles.
He makes life interesting because he challenges your views, habits, and ways of thinking.
You’re meant to be with your soulmate because they help you expand and improve your life, and their deep connection with you is enough to make you take those first steps.
They also act as a mirror to reflect on yourself, your values, and how you’re living your life.
Whatever negativity, issues or insecurities you have will be right there in front of you, waiting for you to confront them and overcome them to become a better human being.
12. You support each other unconditionally
When you unconditionally and wholeheartedly support a person as they grow, it’s possible that you have found a soulmate connection.
A simpler way to put this is that if life is a game, you’re cheering on your soulmate from the sidelines.
Both of you have a natural desire to see the other person succeed.No matter what trials you have to overcome, both of you make sure that the other doesn’t have to face them alone.
This is a reason why finding a soulmate connection with someone can be life-changing.
Instead of being afraid of the problems that come your way, you’re confident that someone has your back.
One way women can support the man she has a soulmate connection with is by triggering his hero instinct.
I mentioned this concept above. Watch the unique (and 100% free) hero instinct video here.
Science has shown that men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him this sense of meaning and purpose?
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction as a man but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
13. Your connection runs deep. It’s more than just a sexual connection
It’s more than your “love for each other”.
You’re not just boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife. Your relationship transcends all of those labels.
Because words don’t do your connection justice. It’s too deep. You “get” each other on a deeper spiritual plain.
You understand their feelings and thoughts and everything in between. You know what you both want. And you know that you’re both going to help each other get it.
14. He refers to you as his girlfriend whenever you meet someone new
This sign is probably more for those who are in the initial stages of dating this guy. If this guy is your soulmate then he’ll probably thrive on calling you his girlfriend in front of other people.
If nothing else, you’ll know he is your soulmate and not just a casual fling when he starts referring to you as his girlfriend in his circles, and you’ve only been dating for a short amount of time.
He already knows and he probably does, too.
Another thing to watch out for, if he hasn’t yet said the girlfriend word, is whether or not his family and friends have called you his girlfriend – it’s not so much about the use of the word as it is how he reacts to the use of the word.
Watch for signs that he likes the sound of it to know he’s interested in a relationship. It’ll help you seal this deal sooner.
15. He’s told you he’s proud of you
When you fall down and feel like you can’t pick yourself back up, he’ll let you know that you’ve done your best and remind you that he’s proud to be with you and proud of you, no matter what.
This is what soulmates do. He lets you know you’re special to him.
He might not be able to say how he really feels, but he has no trouble telling you how special you are and how important you are to him.
Love, in the form of words, will come eventually, but it’s in his actions that you see the true way a soulmate feels about you.
This is when you call for help, he comes running at the drop of a hat.
If you need something he’s the first to volunteer. He doesn’t even need to know what you need him for most times: if you ask for him to come, he will.
16. He asks for your help
One of the surefire ways to tell that he is in love with you and he is your soulmate, even if he hasn’t said it to you yet, is that he turns to you for help when he needs it.
It’s hard for men to be vulnerable and to let others know they need help sometimes, but if you are his person – the one he turns to when he’s in trouble or feeling down – you can bet he’s in love.
17. You stare at each other all the time
If you need one more sign that this guy is for real your soulmate and is really in love, just count the number of times you catch him staring at you.
From across the room, next to you on the sofa, or in a crowded bar – he’s only got eyes for you and you’ve only got eyes for him.
This is because a soulmate connection is like fire for the happy chemicals in your brain.
You love looking at each other. It gets your juices flowing!
18. When conflict strikes, you compromise
There’s no getting around it, conflicts can threaten the existence of any relationship.
But not a soulmate relationship.
Because soulmate relationships are always willing to compromise to keep the peace strong.
The fact of the matter is this:
Every relationship experiences some level of conflict. It’s how you handle these conflicts that will determine your success as a relationship.
This is why you’ve organized a conflict resolution system. You even tally up points if you have to. But most importantly, you’re honest with each other when you feel that one of you is being hard done by.
In the end, honesty is the only way you’ll confront a problem and solve it.
19. They’ve made it through tough times together
Everyone goes through tough times and failures. That’s unavoidable.
But what makes a soulmate relationship so impressive is that they’ve been through it together and they’ve learned their lessons along the way.
They keep progressing and growing because they don’t use the word “failure” in their vocabulary. They’re simply stepping stones.
And this is why they also grow together as a couple.
20. You get the feeling you have known them longer than you have
An interesting thing that happens to soulmates is that they always get the feeling that they have been around each other before.
One or both of you will comment that you feel like you’ve known each other forever.
You’ll laugh at how you didn’t know what to do without them and you might even have some flashbacks of lives you entered into together previously.
21. You can be intense with each other
Whether you are agreeing on a hot topic or are fighting to the bitter end about something that you believe in, you’ll find that conversations and even interactions with your soulmate are intense all of the time.
This can be intimidating and exhausting for a lot of people who are not used to that kind of interaction.
If you find yourself becoming flabbergasted with someone, it might not be because you dislike them, but because you are intensely connected to them and they could be your soulmate.
22. You respect each other’s need for alone time
It can be hard to tell someone you love that you want time away, but if you are soulmates, they’ll get it. They’ll even be glad to have some alone time for themselves, as well.
23. Neither of you gets jealous
Your connection runs so deep that you both don’t feel threatened when one of you talk to the opposite sex, even if they’re hitting you.
It’s all cool because nothing is going to break the incredible bond you share.
24. You now know the meaning of true love
True love doesn’t always mean romantic love – and this is what you’ve finally no worked out.
You now know we can be genuinely drawn to another person without being physically attracted to them.
This is because you love him in many different ways: from his personality to his psychology to “energy”.
You get things from him that others cannot offer and he make your life worthwhile in so many ways.
When you understand the inner workings of a soulmate relationship, you’ll find yourself head over heels for someone in a way that makes you glad you are alive.
25. You share the same goals
Although having differences is healthy for any relationship, your fundamental attributes should still be the same.
You may not have the same belief about every single thing, but the tangible aspects of your lives should be quite similar.
Having similar goals connects the two of you together on a deeper level. You feel profound respect for the other person because you empathize with their goals in life.
Through this, you create a strong web of connection and support for each other.
26. You just can’t get enough of him
You know you share a special bond with your man when you know for sure that you can’t get enough of him.
You want to be around him, talk, or even just catch him out of the corner of your eye as much as possible.
And you know that he is on the same page.
He loves sidling up to you, smiling when you tell an unfunny joke and generally just trying to be around you.
You’re both absolutely captivated by each other.
In fact, according to scientist Sally Hogshead, being fascinated by someone is a classic sign of falling in love:
“Fascination and love both originate in the limbic area of the brain, the part that houses rage, ecstasy, sadness, sexual arousal, and fight-or-flight. That means that when you’re fascinated by a person, experience, or even a product in the grocery store, you’re almost falling in love. As far as your brain is concerned, attraction isn’t a choice.”
27. You can both smile for miles when you’re together
When there’s a powerful soulmate connection with someone, you can’t help but stop smiling with each other.
There’s nothing better than when you both stare into each other’s eyes and smile wholeheartedly.
A smile from your man can turn your whole day around and make the skies turn from cloudy to blue.
28. There is an unexplainable deep spiritual connection with each other
The ancient Greeks used to believe that finding someone you clicked with strongly was finding the second half of the original unified that you were created as with that person.
It’s a beautiful thought.
When you meet your soulmate you’re absolutely going to connect at a deep level.
What does this mean?
It means enthralling conversations, naturally-flowing banter and a general want to be around each other all the time.
In the end, you just know that your man has benefitted you emotionally and physically and you’re incredibly grateful that he is by your side.
29. You have no doubts about the relationship
After years of troubled relationships and assholes, you’re finally not second-guessing your relationship. You’re not doubting whether you should break up with him.
These are the doubts many of us have had in our past relationships. We’ve all been there.
But with this guy, it just feels right. You feel comfortable and secure.
No breaking up. No slowing down. It’s all about moving forward together.
30. You are secure enough to be apart from each other
You don’t feel the need to text him every minute of every day. You know you can trust him with all your heart.
You respect your boundaries and his and you know when you both need a little space from each other.
Because the truth is this:
A relationship where you “need” the other person all the time and you’re controlling their activities isn’t true love. It’s clingy and needy.
True love is about being free to grow together, as one and as a couple.
31. Silence is golden
When you’re in a relationship with your soulmate, there are times that words aren’t even necessary.
You feel such peace and attraction to the guy that just sitting with him and a hot cup of chocolate in front of the fire or watching the sunset roll in is more than enough.
Silence with someone you have true chemistry with is like the opposite of awkward silence.
Let’s call it golden silence: it’s one of the best ways for how to tell if there’s chemistry between two people.
32. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
When you’ve met your soulmate, you know you can’t forget about him quickly.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder when it comes to your soulmate.
The longer you spend away from them the more you think of them.
You’re not thinking about meeting someone new, you’re thinking about when you’ll see them again.
This is a classic sign of a soulmate connection, and if they’re feeling it too then they won’t forget about you either.
33. You’ve forgotten what life was like before him
You might not have been with this guy for that long, but it all seems so right that you’ve forgotten what your previous life was like.
Life is easy. Life is fun. Everything is flowing together beautifully.
If this is what is happening to you in your life, there is no doubt about that: He is your soulmate and depending on your age, he’ll probably want to put a ring on it soon!
34. You’ve completely stopped searching for anyone
Tinder is deleted. Random glances at handsome men throughout the day are now a pastime.
You’re completely content with your man because you know that you share this special bond together that you’re unlikely to find in anyone else.
And it’s the same for him. If he is your true soulmate, then he has stopped looking to date other girls completely. He sees you and only you.
35. It’s easy sexually
When you love someone, it’s easy to be with them in a sexual way.
You shouldn’t have to force your relationship or try hard to be good at this.
If you are connected in a meaningful way, it will come through in the way you have sex.
That’s not to say that you won’t want it to be different from time to time, but you don’t have to go out of your way to make it special.
In fact, according to Tara Parker-Pope in the NY Times, in general, the more sex you have the better off your relationship.
36. It’s intense sometimes
He’ll rock your world and you won’t even have to do anything. The intensity with which you’ll be together will be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before.
Lust is just animal instinct and pleasure-driven. Love is connection-driven and means so much more.
This is what you will feel when he is a soulmate. It’s more than physical or emotional. It covers the soul as well. And that is incredibly magical.
When you first hook up with someone, you might be all about the dirty talk and foreplay but as you get to know someone, the intimacy of that can fall away pretty quickly and sex can become automatic in so many ways.
But when we’re talking about lovemaking instead of just lust, you’ll find that you’re both much more attentive and ask real questions about wants and needs, follow each other’s body language and want to please one another, not just get each other off.
37. You don’t get jealous
When you get uncontrollably jealous, it actually means that you don’t fully trust your partner.
But this doesn’t happen to soulmates because you completely trust each other.
You don’t mind what he does with his free time.
When he is having a conversation with a pretty girl, you already know in your heart that there is nothing to worry about.
And the same goes for you. He lets you hang out with people you want to hang out with because he knows that you both share such a deep and special bond together that you could never do anything that will cause pain to each other.
38. You finish each other’s sentences
Do you have such a special connection with each other that you finish each other’s sentences?
It may sound cliche, but when two people know each other so intimately, you instinctively know what they are thinking.
If you already know what your man is thinking before he does, then it’s obvious it’s a special bond.
It also means that you’re both your real self when you’re around each other.
It’s like magic, but it shows that you’re both destined to be together.
39. You fight well
Look, no couple is immune to arguing. It happens to every relationship, even soulmates.
But how well you argue is the true test of your relationship.
If you’re able to eventually reach a productive conclusion without ripping each other’s heads off, then that’s an excellent quality to have in a relationship.
If you’re soulmates, then the last thing you want is to hurt each other, and because you listen intently to each other, you almost always reach a successful conclusion to your heated discussions.
40. You love each other’s families
Loving his family as much as you love him is a fantastic sign that you’re meant to be together.
Even if you don’t agree with everything his family says, you’re incredibly respectful and kind because you know they share a special bond with your man.
Your man does the same with your family.
Because you’re so connected to each other, you know how much each of your families means to each other.