Being in a relationship is hard work all the time. Anyone who has been in a relationship can tell you that if you are in love with an overthinker, the relationship can be that much harder.
It’s important that people understand their partner’s needs, wants, and desires so that they can support them in their relationship, and in life in general. When you love an overthinker, it can be hard on your head, but it’s also hard on theirs.
Trust me, this is coming from personal experience. I’m an overthinker and I believe that it takes a special kind of person to be with someone who overthinks life.
Here’s what you need to know if you are in love with an overthinker.
1) It’s Not Their Fault
First things first, you need to understand that overthinking things is not something that is going to go away. They are like this because that is who they are. They cannot “fix” it.
If you are going to love someone who is an overthinker, you need to get on board with their personality and accept that they will overanalyze everything in life.
2) You Need to Be Compassionate
It can be tiring and frustrating for overthinkers to live in this world. They spend so much time worrying about what might be that they don’t always get to enjoy the here and now.
If you are in love with an overthinker, you need to be able to give them their space in a way that isn’t threatening to the relationship. You have to let them come to their decisions on their own. It might take time, but they’ll get there.
3) You Need to Be Confident in the Relationship
Overthinking things can lead to problems in a relationship. For example, an overthinker might read too much into a phone call or text message. They might assume the worst is about to happen when you get angry or upset. They might need constant reassurance that you aren’t going anywhere.
This is tough sometimes, but if you know that this is just the way the overthinker in the relationship is, then you can be prepared to help.
Sometimes overthinkers put so much heart and soul into their relationships that it causes them to worry about the future. Give them some room to recognize that things are okay between the two of you. And always say what you mean.
4) You Need to be Good at Communicating
In order to avoid a series of fights in your relationship, you should be good at communicating your thoughts and feelings and be ready to explain your reasoning using clear language that indicates you take ownership for your actions.
Overthinkers will have a field day with cryptic messages or forgotten birthdays so don’t give them any ammunition to think on. Be clear about what you want and need so there is no second guessing on the over thinker’s part.
5) Overthinking doesn’t make them crazy
Everyone thinks too much sometimes. But for those people who do it on an everyday basis, they’re not crazy. They just analyze and problem solve more than the average person.
They’re still compassionate, kind and fun.
Sometimes you just need to be patient when they’re feeling anxious and over stimulated. And the majority of the time, they’re simply overthinking because they’re trying to protect you and themselves.
6) They’re ultra genuine, and they want you to be too
An overthinker wants to believe that there’s good in everyone, which can get them into trouble at times. In a time of Tinder and Internet hooks ups, it’s almost ‘cool’ not to care. But they need you to be different.
They believe in authenticity and bringing out the best in others. But if you’re going to play games and not be there for them when they need it most, then you need to step away. More complications are what they don’t need in their life.
[Resilience and mental toughness are key attributes to living your best life. They determine how high we rise above what threatens to wear us down, from battling an illness, to dealing with challenging emotions, to carrying on after a relationship has ended. To learn how to build your own mental toughness, check out Hack Spirit’s ebook: The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness]
7) They still believe in the one
Despite all the baggage that modern day dating brings, they still believe that you’re going to be the fairy tale partner that sweeps them off their feet.
But if you don’t have the same motivations in a relationships, you need to let them know. That will eliminate hours of overthinking different scenarios in their head. Something they don’t want to go through again.
8) Be very clear about what you intend to say
Leave no room for interpretation when it comes to your words, messages, emails, phone calls or interactions with someone who is an overthinker.
Part of the problem overthinkers have is that they read between all of the lines, even when you try to make it clear that there are no lines to read between.
You need to be able to go with it and keep clarifying your messages so that there is no room for error or confusion.
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If you allow the messages you send to become blurred, which usually happens when people are lazy with their communication skills, then you’ll have trouble in your overthinking relationship.
9) Be okay with making a lot of decisions
Overthinkers are plagued by indecisiveness. This means that they will spend more time thinking about doing something than actually do it, if at all.
If you decide to get into a relationship with an overthinker, keep in mind that you’ll need to take the lead on a lot of decisions in the relationship.
This isn’t to say that your overthinking partner is incapable of providing valuable insight into the decision-making process, but they might never be able to get passed the assessment phase of a decision and so it’s better if you just get used to calling the shots for the both of you.
10) Don’t get excited about surprises
Remember that not everyone loves a surprise party. Even good surprises can throw an overthinker off their tracks, so save you both the trouble of going through an awkward surprise moment and don’t plan any.
Rather than show up with surprise plans, talk about what you want to do for special occasions and come to enough of a consensus that you can take the reigns and make the decision from there.
11) Get ready for random messages and bouts of insecurity
Despite your best efforts, when you date someone who is an overthinker, you are still going to get the odd (maybe frequent) message about being insecure or unsure of something.
People who suffer from overthinking can’t help it but read into everything, including the good and bad messages you send.
Since it is unlikely that text messaging or email is going out of style any time soon, think about setting some parameters around your conversations and modes of communication so that you don’t find yourselves in the middle of a miscommunication that could have been avoided by just picking up the phone to talk to one another.
If there is every anything of importance to talk about, make a deal that you’ll always have a telephone conversation so that your overthinking partner doesn’t have to worry so much about what is not being said.
12) Intervention is going to become your middle name
When you are with someone who is an overthinker, you are going to have to take the lead on a lot of things including getting right in the middle of an overthinking moment that is not serving anyone.
If you find your partner spiraling out of control sometimes, you’ll have to get right in the middle of those thoughts and change the conversation or make the decision for you both.
13) Be ready to distract whenever necessary
Sometimes you’ll have to shift gears completely by leaving the room, going for a walk, dancing, laughing, changing the subject – or one of a million others ways you can distract someone who is worrying about something.
It’s not always going to work, but if you want to be in a relationship with an overthinker, you are going to have to get good at trying to distract them from their thoughts.
14) Get ready for new experiences
One of the great things about dating an overthinker is that they can plan like it’s nobody’s business. They are great at planning trips, experiences, adventures and more because they can think through all of the details.
The trouble, though, is that it might be hard for them to commit to just one thing, so you should also be prepared to do a lot of things in one trip.
15) Prep yourself for some epic conversations
Another great thing about dating an overthinker is that they let their brain run wild and that means that you can basically talk about anything and everything with them.
If you keep the conversation focused, you shouldn’t add to their overthinking so let yourself enjoy their magical brain for what it is, and you’ll never be bored in your relationship.
16) Learn to live in the moment
If there is one thing overthinkers can do well, it’s live in the moment.
Sometimes, that moment is filled with anxiety about the future, but they are great at seeing the million ways a situation could play out, and if you play your cards right, you’ll be able to see the big picture and enjoy what is going on right now.
Any intimate relationships are hard work, and it takes a special kind of person to be with an overthinker.
But if you can understand your partner’s wants, needs and desires in life so you can support them, you’ll create a strong, intimate relationship that will be one of the greatest experiences of your life.
[If you’re an overthinker yourself, then check out my new eBook The No-Nonsense Guide to Using Buddhism and Eastern Philosophy for a Better Life. This eBook explains how to meditate, practice mindfulness, and unburden yourself from intrusive negative thoughts. Check it out here.]
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