Dating, love, and romance can be magical, but they can also be confusing as hell.
The truth is that sometimes, we really don’t know how we feel.
Whether you’re confused by his feelings for you, or you are the one who doesn’t know how you feel about him — this article has some practical tips to help you figure out what to do next.
“I’m so confused about a guy”. Here’s what to do if this is you.
What to do when you’re confused about a guy
1) Write out your thoughts and feelings
Whenever we are confused about a decision we need to make thoughts can endlessly swirl around our heads.
Rather than help us find answers, this jumble of thoughts only leads to more confusion.
This is where journaling can be a powerful tool.
Writing down the way you feel and the thoughts that are in your head is like having a conversation with yourself. It can help you to evaluate the pros and cons.
By getting it all down on paper it can help to create order out of those mixed-up messages in your brain.
Journaling about your feelings has several really key (scientifically backed) benefits in this situation:
1) It reduces anxiety, which is very helpful if your indecisiveness is stressing you out.
2) It reduces obsessive thinking and brooding by writing it down rather than keeping it in your head.
3) It can help you to deal with your emotions, as studies have shown that journaling helps people regulate their feelings.
4) It helps you find clarity by creating more awareness around the situation. When you write about your feelings you give them structure and can open yourself up to new revelations and ways of seeing things.
Journaling really is one of the cheapest and easiest self-help tools for understanding yourself more.
You don’t have to write about anything in particular. You can just allow whatever you are thinking and feeling to freeflow onto the paper.
If you find this difficult you can offer yourself some prompts by answering questions like:
- What emotions come up when I think of this guy?
- What thoughts are keeping me stuck right now?
- What is the first thing that comes to mind when I think about this guy?
- What do I think could help me find clarity about my feelings?
- What do I really like about him?
- What don’t I like about him?
- Why am i confused about my feelings for him?
Remember that there are never any right or wrong answers when journaling. Nobody is ever going to see what you write. Don’t judge yourself over anything that comes up. It’s just a way to express yourself.
2) Be honest with him
When you are confused about a guy, honesty is important.
It’s not always easy to tell someone how you really feel, especially when you’re not even sure yourself.
But being honest with him will show him that you care about him and want to work through your issues together.
No matter what stage you are at — whether you are currently just friends or already dating — good communication is an important part of any relationship. How he responds will also show you a lot about him.
How do you tell a guy you are confused? There isn’t a magical answer, unfortunately…other than being honest with him.
It might not be what he wants to hear, but you are showing him respect by being upfront with him. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t want to feel like someone was leading you on.
Simply talking about how you feel with him may even offer you the clarity you are looking for.
Try raising the topics by saying something along these lines:
“Hey, I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately. I was wondering if we could talk about it.”
Of course, you want to be tactful so you don’t hurt his feelings. But it’s important that whatever you say should also be sincere and direct.
This conversation can help both of you to better understand exactly where you stand.
3) Better understand your approach to love
Why am I so confused about my feelings for someone?
Human beings are incredibly complex. We can have many conflicting feelings and thoughts that create deep confusion.
Your deeply held beliefs about yourself and about love play a role in your romantic life. So too do past experiences that have shaped you.
Often we remain unaware of these silent forces at play beneath the surface which leave us in turmoil.
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with confusion over your feelings for a guy, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like not knowing how we really feel.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person. We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships. We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to all the confusion inside.
If you’re confused about your feelings, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
4) Spend more time with him
Whenever we get lost in thought it can be really helpful to take action instead.
Rather than trying to guess the answers, you do things to find out.
Taking action can really help to show you what you do and don’t want through trial and error. If that sounds a bit messy, remember that life is a learning curve and experience is often the best way of finding out.
If you still don’t know how you feel about this guy, spend a little more time with him. If you are still getting to know each other, that can reveal more about him to help you make a decision.
If you are already a couple, but you’ve been confused about your feelings recently, spending quality time together will bring you closer together or pull you further apart. Either way. it can offer clarity.
5) Take the pressure off
If you do nothing else from this list of tips, I want you to at least do this…
Give yourself a break. Take a deep breath and try to relax.
Know that it’s perfectly human not to know sometimes. Understand that as frustrating as it can feel, you don’t have to have it all figured out straight away.
Trying too hard only piles on the pressure, which then often blocks us even more from knowing.
We get overwhelmed and the brain shuts down.
How do I stop being confused about him?
Give yourself some time, stop demanding answers and give your attention to something else. When you stop overthinking it can help the answers to naturally flow.
When a man is confused about what he wants
1) Give it time
I know it’s a torturous ask but it’s true what they say ‘time reveals all things’. Given more time, his true feelings will become apparent.
If you really like him, you might be prepared to give him some time and space to figure out how he feels.
When a man is confused about a relationship, pushing him for answers straight away can push him further away from you.
Similarly, if you are wondering ‘is he confused or stringing me along?’ waiting to see what he does next will most likely give you your answer.
Giving him time does not mean you wait around indefinitely for him. But creating some room around the situation can help both of you figure out what you want.
2) Trigger his hero instinct
How to make a confused man want you?
I never recommend playing games or trying to manipulate other people’s feelings, as it always backfires in the end.
But if you don’t wait to wait, you want to take action NOW, then triggering his hero instinct can be a great way to get him off the fence and into your arms.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
3) Match his efforts
Backing off a little can help him to realize that you may not always be around.
When he sees you are not always available, that can clarify his true feelings for you. At the very least you want to make sure you are not chasing him.
A confused man is a dangerous man, and investing too much energy into him can leave you hurt.
Instead, match the effort he is putting in. That means giving him the same amount of attention and affection that he gives to you — and no more.
Don’t text him, call him or run around after him if he isn’t doing the same to you.
4) Stay busy
Staying busy does two very important things in this situation:
1) It helps take your mind off things instead of sitting around moping about him
2) It shows him that you are independent and living your best life — with or without him — which is an attractive quality in someone.
Focusing on yourself gives the situation some time and space to resolve itself.
It shows him that you are not waiting around for him.
And it also ensures you are putting your energy into the person in your life who truly deserves it the most — you.
5) Don’t kid yourself
I don’t know your situation, so there is no way for me to tell how this guy really feels about you.
Can you be confused about loving someone? Absolutely. But it’s important not to lie to yourself either.
So many times when I have been unsure of how a guy feels about me, deep down I know the answer…it’s just not the answer I want.
Why does a guy act interested one day and not the next? Why do guys play hot and cold? Sadly in most scenarios, the truth is that they’re just not that into you.
If they were, there wouldn’t be such a big question mark hanging over their feelings. They would be clearer about what they want from you.
Don’t be tempted to make excuses for him if he is treating you badly. Don’t look for answers that make you feel better now, but drag it out in the long run.
Don’t let him buzz in and out of your life whenever it suits him.
As disappointing as it is, walking away from a confused man can be the best thing to do when he isn’t giving you what you need and want.