I’m so confused about a girl so I did these 11 things

There’s somebody I really like, but she confuses me more than any woman I’ve ever met.


I feel like all her behavior is a mixed signal or that I’m just reading her all wrong.

I reached the point where I’ve hit the brakes on her. I’m now starting over from scratch.

So far it’s going much better this time around, so I’m going to let you know what I’ve done to clarify the comportment of this confusing colleen.

Here’s how to deal with a girl who’s thrown you for a loop.

I’m so confused about a girl so I did these 11 things

Her name is Claire, and I met her last year at a concert. Since then we stayed in touch but it’s been hit and miss.

Sometimes she doesn’t answer for weeks. Other times she texts me 100 times a day and wants to video call.

We’ve met only twice in the past year, but the sparks definitely flew and our connection was epic.

Then she started ghosting me again. I’m so confused, which is why I did the following:

1) I took a break from contacting her

First and foremost, I stopped messaging and calling Claire all the time.

We still communicated, and I’m not talking about no contact.

I also didn’t break up or do anything dramatic.

I simply hit the pause button.

I took a break from contacting her and focused on my job, spending time with friends and a renovation I was having done on my apartment.

2) I watched thousands of YouTube videos

At the same time as I wasn’t contacting Claire as much, I can’t claim she was never in my thoughts.

I was on a quest to figure out why she was sending so many mixed messages.

So I turned to our generation’s fountain of wisdom: YouTube.

I also watched some more obscure lessons on dating, pickup and romance on BitChute and weird video dump sites.

The end result was that I came out even more confused than I went in.

I’m not saying everything out there was bad. There was a lot of great advice out there.

But it made me unsure about exactly how to approach this situation.

Should I keep ignoring Claire or should I make a “bold move” and tell her I wanted something serious?

Or would that scare her away?

Well, instead…

3) I got my own life together

I decided that focusing on my house and on understanding Claire wasn’t the key thing at this stage.

The key thing was self-directed action to work on myself.

My confusion over Claire was reaching an unhealthy level.

I found myself circling around in my thoughts and always about her:

Does she like me?

What if she doesn’t?

Should I buy a ticket and go visit her?

If this is you, I encourage you to put a stop to this mental masturbation as soon as possible.

Instead, turn and look in the mirror and answer this question:

What would you say if I asked you what your purpose is?

It’s a hard question!

And there are far too many people trying to tell you it will just “come to you” and to focus on “raising your vibrations” or finding some vague kind of inner peace.

Hit pause.

The truth is that visualization and positive vibes won’t bring you closer to your dreams, and they can actually drag you backwards into wasting your life on a fantasy.

But it’s hard to find clarity about someone you like when you’re being hit with so many different claims.

You can end up trying so hard and not finding the answers you need that your life and dreams begin to feel hopeless.

You want solutions, but all you’re being told is to create a perfect utopia inside your own mind. It doesn’t work.

So let’s go back to basics:

Before you can experience a real change, you need to really know your purpose.

I learned about the power of finding your purpose from watching Ideapod co-founder Justin Brown’s video on the hidden trap of improving yourself.

Justin used to be addicted to the self-help industry and New Age gurus just like me. He listened to their advice about life and love and it got him nowhere.

In fact, it moved him backwards until he took and risk and traveled to Brazil to meet the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.

Rudá taught him a life-changing new way to find your purpose and use it to transform your life.

After watching the video, I also discovered and understood my purpose in life and it’s no exaggeration to say it was a turning point for me.

I can honestly say that this new way of finding success by finding your purpose actually helped me to truly understand why my approach to Claire was so backwards.

Watch the free video here.

4) I focused on what was in my control

After discovering my purpose, I worked on what was In my control.

I still thought of Claire and stayed up some nights on account of that, but I wasn’t expending all my mental and emotional energy on her anymore.

I felt like I was grabbing the reins of my life more than I ever had in the past.

I focused on what was in my control.

Claire messaged a few times, told me about her life, I clicked like on some of her photos.

But I wasn’t ogling her social media 24/7 or thinking about what she felt for me all the time.

I was focusing on what I could do each day when I got up to have a productive and fulfilling day.

That’s it.

5) I spoke to friends I trusted and respected

I started turning to several friends I trusted and respected for advice on Claire.

This was not a major focus of my approach, just something that came up several times when I had friends over.

One of my friends Chris had very good advice. He’d been through something similar prior to meeting his wife and told me about his experience.

Hearing about how he’d been dragged around and cheated on by a girl he thought he was dating was a good wake-up call for me.

I didn’t even know for sure what Claire was up to.

Why was I basing my hope or feelings on her?

It was then that I faced the self-esteem issues I clearly had. If I was confident, why was I so hungry for love and validation from a girl I only really had seen a few times and talked to for less than a year?

6) I started communicating more directly

Part of rebuilding my confidence is that I started communicating more directly.

I flirted with Claire instead of acting like just a friend in a platonic way.

I stood up for myself at work and during a family conflict that came up with my sister.

I spoke up when I was out for dinner and I didn’t like food that my friends wanted to order, when previously I would have just been a typical nice guy and tried to eat the food I hate.

I was making progress in my self-confidence and in the way I spoke.

I let Claire initiate most of our text-relationship instead of always being the one who said good morning or sent her jokes and links.

7) I worked on my mental and physical health

As I began standing up for myself more, I also worked on my mental and physical health.

I began going for a jog every morning around the neighborhood and I started doing breathwork.

I noticed real visible results in only a matter of several weeks, and found myself taking life more calmly and with more equilibrium.

If the situation with Claire was meant to work out it would come to me.

If not, it wouldn’t.

So be it.

8) I called an expert

Being a fairly over-analytical guy, I also decided to get a second opinion from a professional.

Technically I guess I wasn’t in a relationship with Claire, but we were halfway there and I was curious how to get all the way.

So I called a relationship coach.

While this article explores the main steps you can take when you’re confused about a girl, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like feeling confusion about someone you like.

They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

I know that they really helped me with the Claire situation.

After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my connection to Claire and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

9) I read books on female psychology

I also read a lot of books on female psychology, dating and relationships.

These included books such as:

  • Conversation Casanova by Dave Perrotta
  • Am I Overthinking This by Michelle Rial
  • Models by Mark Manson
  • Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
  • Text Appeal by Michael Masters

They gave me a lot of insights into relationships and emotional and physical connection.

It wasn’t really that they immediately made me understand everything about Claire or what would happen with us.

But they broadened my mind and I learned a lot that I’d never thought of before.

Reading authors like Brown, Masters and Manson showed me ways of thinking about love and attraction that were truly new to me.

And they made a lot of sense!

10) I invited her to visit

Along with scaling down the frequency and intensity of my communications and being more direct, I asked Claire if she’d like to visit again.

This time if there was going to be a real connection or serious dating I figured we would know it.

I wasn’t shy or indirect about it, I just said I liked her a lot and asked if she wanted to come see me.

She said she’d check her schedule and a few hours later she said yes.

Done and done.

Although what would happen next was really anyone’s guess.

And I was no longer the kind of guy who would be on tenterhooks basing his future on that maybe…

11) I stopped hinging my happiness on Claire

Last and most importantly, as I approached this situation I stopped hinging my happiness on Claire.

I invited her to come visit me as I said. And I still responded when she messaged, but then I just left it in terms of the amount of interest she’d have in me in general.

The ball was in her court.

She lives three hours away in terms of driving, so I figured that if she was coming she at least felt a moderate amount of interest.

Of course I could have driven to her, too.


I wanted her to come to me.

I wanted to not always be the needy guy who was desperate for validation, love and attention.

Did I get the girl?

Well, to be honest I find this whole idea of “getting” a girl really outdated and actually –

Just joking.

Hell yes I got the girl.

Claire visited me, the fireworks flew, she was fascinated by my passion for carpentry and we hit it off like hotcakes.

I don’t even know if that’s a saying.

But the point is that by pulling back, focusing on myself and behaving in a less desperate way, I was able to attract the girl I really wanted and have her respect and want me in a serious way.

So take my advice into consideration and please let it guide you. If a girl is confusing you beyond belief, just remember that you now have some tools in your toolbox.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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